HINLAM - a compound religion incorporating the best of the best

HINLAM - a compound religion incorporating the best of the best

1. There is one God called ALLAHBRAHMA (Alabama for ABCD's).

2. This One God may have many many assistants - both male and female who can copulate with each other and with humans. Consider them angels of mercy copulation.

3. One can pray to ALLAHBRAHMA as often as one likes as long as the prayers are kept to 5 minutes or less - ringing the bell or howling from a tall tower are optional.

4. Fasting is mandatory - especially for obese Hinlims.

5. The hijab, veil, chador, burka, and ghunghat are sinful - except for extremely ugly people and those suffering from bitterness or incessant flatulence.

6. Pilgrimages to the desert, rivers, lakes, mountains, and valleys are encouraged. Running around in the hot desert followed by a cool skinny dip in the river is encouraged.

7. Giving tips to temple prostitutes is worth 70 times the reward of giving alms to the poor, the widows, and the orphans. Children of temple prostitutes will attain automatic maulana status.

8. Violence of any sort is forbidden - gentle biting, spanking, and tapping during copulation is not considered violence.

9. The punishment for most basic crimes (lying, cheating, stealing, littering, abusing, and cursing) is to bend over.

10. The punishment for serious crimes (murder, injury, arson, etc..) is to serve as temple prostitutes, pundalims, and doing shitwork.

11. There is no discrimination of any sort (education, employment, copulation, prayer, pilgrimage) based on gender, race, color, language, nationality, or occupation.

12. There is no penalty for converting out of the faith, but there is a seriously expensive reentry fee - donated to temple prostitutes.