"Marie Marie hold on tight"

i want so much to write nowadays.. but i cant seem to. too many thoughts wanting to be written. confusion, chaos, emotions, hormones . why dont they realise they cant all be written together!?! let me give it a shot though. i need too much to emote.

so this chant is helpful - every night. it seems to introduce those who have been lost - by time, distance, or life. happiness mostly. I revert a lot to my past - people, memories, hopes.

but then some other stuff creeps in. which shouldnt. God knows it shouldnt. remember when i awoke to find your arms around me. wasnt it the only time that happened? and i drew such reassurance from that one time - for so long. why? and i still do..

"He took me out on a sled,
And I was frightened. He said, Marie,
Marie, hold on tight. And down we went.
In the mountains, there you feel free. "

Well at least Marie was smarter than most of us - she was scared. WOMEN do you hear?? it is a tough tough world. and you will survive. sure you will. you are a woman. but always remember what your mother did not tell you. perhaps what she did not realise herself. remember your power to survive, to nurture that man in your arms - who fights battles but comes back to your warmth for reassurance - reassurance that it will all be ok. "did you not kill with these very fingers, my love?"

and you will give it - the reassurance that is. but remember what your mother did not tell you.. you will NOT give of yourself. never. you will show glimpses .. and they will be enough for him.

sigh. anyway. i said there is chaos in my mind.. happy?