fear of public speaking

For an inherently shy person who likes to pretend she's an introvert I love talking to people, love listening to their stories, enjoy getting a glimpse of their lives. Unfortunately, can’t act upon it because I'm just so damn shy. The reasons of this painful trait shall be discussed on some other random day since it requires me to look in my childhood – always a painful experience – and try to unravel very complicated, knotted threads.

So for a person who finds it difficult to make small talk with people whom she might have known for many years, it was nightmare personified to be told to be the stage secretary for an event; and that too an hour before.

Panic!

Flashback: Previous, and only, experience with mic was very traumatic. In front of the governor and about 200 other guests, I grabbed the mic to enthral everyone with charisma, intellectual depth and verbal dexterity. Three sentences into the comment heard myself on the speaker around the hall. Body froze and mind shut down in an automatic, caveman reaction since it was biologically impossible to speak at one point and hear the voice in split second from four corners of a room. Felt dizzy, started at the gov for a few seconds, switched languages, stammered, looked at the walls, switched languages again and sat down, quite thoroughly humiliated.

Panic!

The original host, who had to leave because of an emergency, handed over the text of the introduction. Read it four five times and found it simple enough.. Not many people were expected so prepared to talk to the empty seats rather than the filled ones. Then headed off to the auditorium to get a feel of things and maybe test the mic. Always good to be prepared. And it was rapidly being filled with people!

Panic!

By the time we were to start, the hall was filled to capacity with the younger audience sitting on stairs.

Panic unlimited!

My face was flushed red and, friend later told me, looked like I was about to faint. BUT, when started speaking, everything went smoothly. Just had to be very aware of myself, to tell my hand to go easy on the mic, relax my legs to control their shaking, and concentrate really hard on what my mouth was saying so as not to trail off in middle.

Think I did aright. Maybe because the speakers behind me were the only ones I could hear so body didn’t think it was in some strange alien world where biological laws of mouth being the source of human voice were meaningless.
And maru taped the entire thing!!
Will ask her to show once this whole retrospection and living-the-nightmare-repeatedly phase is over.