the idiots and the b*tch

I’m thinking I need to enroll for some classes. Like Anger Management, Time Management, Client Vernacular Interpretation and maybe even a short training course at the shooting range – the last one is just for some therapy.

I don’t get what the hell they taught us back in school. Sure, there was the whole geography, history, literature, accounting, art stuff but I’m not using any of that in the here and now. Everything I seem to know now is a result of the involuntary exposure to the absolute shit out there. A lot of who I am now is a result of the forced evolution in reaction to the not-so-conducive surroundings.

I mean, I never used to react to bearded, shalwar kameez clad men on the subway. Now, I do. I got off two stops before I was supposed to because there was this paranoia in me about being blown up in the train. And really, I don’t want to go that way.

Not that I ever really liked kids but there are these kids at the traffic lights (in Karachi) who come at your car with glass cleaning wipers and they ignore you as you wave your hands to say ‘No’. They launch their ‘cleaning’ on the windshield and then ask you to pay up. A couple of times I felt bad and landed up paying them. Then the next few times I learnt to say ‘No’ with a sterner look but that didn’t deter them. Now I just switch on the car wipers and glare at them like I’m the Queen of Hell. It sort of works. They come to the window and start saying stuff but the music is too loud for me to hear what unpleasant things they have to say. But the point is, I wasn’t such a bitch. But I am now because seriously, if you’re going to try and do things the nice way, chances are you’re going to get a whole lot of nothing done.

That sucks.

It’s the same thing with holding the door open for the person behind you. You suddenly realize that you’ve become the doorperson because everyone feels they can walk right by you without taking the door from you. And oh yeah, they haven’t been introduced to the word ‘thank you’ either. I’m tempted to let the door close behind me now but I still haven’t gotten round to that level of bitch evolution. Maybe in a week or so. *shrug*

Clients. If I were a client (which doesn’t happen too often) then I’d appreciate the effort my vendor/agency were putting in. I wouldn’t frikkin’ run with it. But there isn’t a single client I’ve come across in the last decade that’s been like that. Not one. You tell them you don’t work on Saturdays and they get hold of your cell number, call and give you this ‘urgent brief’ and say, “Sure, do this on Monday.” Fine. But then on Monday morning you get that “But we told you this on Saturday – why isn’t it done as yet?!” phone call. I could not take their calls once I’m out of the office but then they think that’s rude. Of course, they don’t think it’s rude calling me at 11pm on a weekend. They’re the client (the end all and be all). I’m the agency (slave). Now? I either don’t take their calls or I slide into the bitch mode and tell them a few things that don’t do too well for the company profits. Great.

Service. People in general are idiots here. They really really are. If I were to start telling you about the kind of surreal-ly crap service money can buy here – you’d happily jump on the Homicide Bandwagon with me. I’m increasingly homicidal each day. I mean, in many cases, I’m paying a premium amount and yet I’m treated like they’re doing me a favour. I don’t get that mentality. I fear it’s an intrinsic factor in most people of this country. Sure sure, get all patriotic and say all the goody two shoes things about how Pakistanis are a good natured lot but get a life okay? We hardly bloody smile at anyone. If one does smile at a stranger – it’s completely misinterpreted. The system runs on favours. Very little can be done without ‘speed money’. You suffer if you don’t play the bribe game. You lose out if you don’t kiss ass. You tumble downhill if you choose to stick to the rulebook.

Sure, I could be over reacting and generalizing – but sometimes – a generalized viewpoint is more accurate than a localized one. And it’s not about learning to be ‘street smart’ – it’s just about playing dirty. I mean, you’d look like an idiot if you walked in on a nudist beach with your clothes on, right? Right. Same goes here, you are a fool for trying to stick to the basic, universal rules of good behaviour, etiquette, good/bad, wrong/right in a country where the only thing that has meaning is a word that looks like this: POWER.

My ass all the geography, history, literature and accounting schooling will come in handy in the face of this.

Idiot nation. And bitch me.

30/04/08; 12:47pm