Kaal Bhayya! You couldn't be 'wronger!'

Kaal Bhayya,
It was my intention to stay out of the recent drama between Mr. Max and Ms. Bridge. HP Sahib has pointed out that sinless people should stay in the bullpen, and I, while on my way to sainthood due to the last three years of exemplary personal behavior, am in no position to hurl any boulders. Three years of sufism cannot compensate for over six years of epicurian pursuit.

I commend you for your eternal attempt at observing the meandering of ants to develop a comprehensive theory about the meaning of life. But, my brother, sometimes the ant just crawls because it's going over there. You made the inference that I terminated my "friendship" with the wonderful lady because of some religious, tribal, or overarching purpose to ostracize or castigate a wayward female. This insinuation is not only incorrect, it is also a personal stab at my own liberal views.

First of all, I wholeheartedly condemn the use of abusive, vulgar, and profane language by Mr. Max. There was no need to descend to this depth and all that did was to make him appear as a Chaltahai or a Stuka, the two undisputed masters of colorful maternal and 'humsheeral' references. Mr. Max should sincerely apologize for those despicable words.

I assert once more that Ms. Bridge has the undeniable right to befriend and socialize with anyone, and to consume or imbibe any form of solid or liquid that she chooses. Her personal life is her business and no one else's - including Dr. Max, myself, the Islamic Republic of Pakistan, the OIC, the BJP, the United Nations, or the International Association of Atheists. Conversely, I also have the right to select my "friends." If I feel that Ms. Bridge is not trustworthy as a "friend," because she has a personal relationship with someone I consider to be an avowed adversary of Muslims and Pakistanis, then I have the prerogative to terminate that "friendship" unilaterally.

This is neither a gender nor a religious issue. I used to have a friendly association with Kulharee also. I was an early supporter of the right of Ahmedis to call themselves whatever they like - including Muslims. My interaction with Kulharee degraded because of the Punju/Mojo strife and hit rock bottom because of his relationship and support for Chaltahai's anti-Muslim and anti-Pakistani views.

Similarly, I had a very cordial relationship with both Ali and Atif. Due to their support for Stuka's unsupervised visit to Pakistan, in a comical bond of Punju/Punju bhai bhai festivity, our "friendship" reversed itself to the level of animosity. Thankfully, Chaltahai's recent profanity against Our Holy Prophet (PBUH) has restored that friendship to its original state. In fact, Chaltahai has done wonders to unite Pakistanis and Muslims on Chowk.

While we can praise Chaltahai for his efforts in unifying Pakis and Muslims, he must be castigated for his treatment and abuse of Ms. Bridge. Taking advantage of his relationship with her, he has humiliated her and embarrassed her, in front of her Paki and Muslim friends, by insisting on insulting the Holy Prophet (PBUH). His behavior and her perceived approval of his vulgarity have demeaned her as a subservient, spineless, and dependent "pom pom" girl - a term that he has used for her while bragging of his influence over her.

I have frequently noted my admiration for Ms. Bridge and her talented and vigorous style of interacting on Chowk. Just because of this unfortunate situation, I am not going to renege on my compliments. I still respect her for her views and her intelligence. That is all the more reason for my disappointment in her failure to criticize and rectify Chaltahai's unprovoked profanity. Through this thread I am also requesting Ms. Bridge not to twist some personal facts about me that she has presented to my adversaries as "alcoholism" and "abandonment by parents." I was never an alcoholic and I assure you that my parents have always loved me.

In conclusion, let me assure you that I have no desire to control or even demand any particular behavior on Ms. Bridge's part. The only control I have is over myself - and even that appears to be dubious when confronted with unprovoked profanity against my faith and my family - especially my wife and my daughter.

Other than this one error, you, my friend, are functioning admirably. Thanks.