Bringing down the horse

Men always catch me by surprise with their overflowing chivalry when it comes down to the mechanically petty things. They boom their warning with such priority that one feels losing a race to the mechanic’s will end in utter disaster. They state the problem in such a manner as if they’ve discovered the secret to cancer ... risky behavior brims and overflows in their eyes when they catch a woman driving a car with one headlight.

The funny thing about this whole headlight scenario is that many-a-times it has been culprited into a conversation starter; well, exception being one police officer. He strictly meant business with me. An actual realization occurred when he pulled me over and pointed at my headlight. I walked out of the car, stared at my fused headlight bulb and started laughing between the words of, “I *hehe* had *hehe* no idea”. He gave one ‘Gotcha’ glance and politely inquired, “maam, have you been drinking tonight?”. Huh? First I didn’t know whether to be offended by the whole ‘maam’ thing (aware that priorities are a little screwy here); second, when I responded to that drinking business with an excited “Oh yes, redbull” the man looked incredulous. And, the road to hell is always paved with good intentions, right? Right!

A week later a friend decided to pay a visit to this frequent M.I.A. offender. As I pull over near the doors of a Starbucks and even before he has a chance to hug/scold me, he blurts, ‘Dude, your headlight’s busted’. I can never muster the courage to inform my friends that I’m well-n-aware of the defaulted headlight bulb. Instead, I oblige in acting surprised each time and thank them profusely, as if they have actually discovered something that could save my life.

A week and a half later someone rang just to inform me that I need to fix this headlight. The same someone whose karaoke escapades I had diligently ignored the entire evening. When nothing else works, one resorts to singing. Clearly! *Wondering* Why hadn’t I tried that? Kher, he is a no one; not, that he’s actually a no one, he is definitely a someone to someone, I’m another story. He called just to say, ‘I saw your headlight, you shouldn’t drive like this”. I replied as if the headlight was an imminent danger just avoided. “Thanks, I will”.

Yesterday, while my brother was pulling out of our parking lot; halts his almost screeching car; waves around; rolls down his window and proclaims in a super hero voice, “You need to be careful driving at night, one of your headlights isn’t working”. With a gracious smile; I, after a much compelled fake surprised look, stated in all humbleness – “I’m glad you caught that”.

Strange, you can tell people a heart-wrenching tale and yet are unable to wring an ounce of panic on your behalf – but, drive around with a fused light bulb and their self-discovery makes them weary with concern. From now on, before anyone acknowledges my presence near my car, I’m going to say “yah knooow, I should really fix that headlight”. I wonder if that would kill the conversation, or cause damage to the words forming inside the macho brain. Maybe, it would completely f- with their heads when they have to play role reversal by acting surprised at my non-functioning headlight. Hmmm ...