My first terrifying memory. – Topaz.

For a class assignment, thought I'd share.

My first terrifying memory. – Topaz.

I must have been around 5 or 6. Yes definitely 6…or..5. It was the night of terror. A girl fell from the 18th floor (or was it 8th?) of my Apartment Building in Karachi. The building was called “Sea Breeze.� Some years later we all stood in front of the building and watched it, (expecting it to fall any moment) as some sort of natural calamity was predicted, I think it was an earth-quake. It seems strange to think how these two or three memories ‘come together’ at this point of my life.
The girl had fallen to the floor, crashing her skull, headlong. From the first apartment floor, I saw it occur. I remember blood…everywhere…blood the color of red, oozing forth – permissive. All permissions granted blood.
She had been told she could not attend a party – and she jumped in rebellion, also in trying to get her mother’s attention. Later we found out she was playing for time – and had risked the fall – not intended it.
(This memory is compulsive)
1. She falls and hits the white cold marble of the floor. My father is there, wearing a white shalwar kamiz – terrified, but more than that, concerned.
2. I’m with the girl on the 8th floor, she is standing on the railing, she slips. I can feel her feet slipping – as well as see this happening – The fall.
It has terrified me ever since – the sight of so much blood. Where she fell, the way I saw her skull, full black hair. I was looking down at her. Sometimes over the years I have imagined this in various ways.
3. I see myself as a little girl. My hair is long. I’m wearing a white frock. I’m as silent as white itself. I can’t move or speak a word – I’m petrified.
Still.
Sometimes I feel its happening right now.

Other notes:
The girl was operated on, her life was saved – but she got a terrible scar from the surgery – and never looked the same again. I vaguely recall watching her at a dinner party years later.
She was much older than I was. Stylish. Confident. I admired her and said inwardly – “this is life at its utter best.� I could never speak to her – she was so far above me – in SUFFERING. She was Topaz.



terror terror terror terror terror
terror terror terror terror te rror
terror terror terror terror terror
terror terror terror terror terror
te rror terror terror terror terror
terror terror terror terror terror
terror ter ror terror terror terror
terror terror terror terror terror
terror terror terr or terror terror
terror terror terror terror terror

- Accumulated Terror
- More than Terror (plural of terror)
- Past and Present/Present and Past Terror.
- The BIG TERROR [sum of parts, more than the parts]
- Terror x Terror = Terror
- Space of Terror?
- Time of terror?
- Invisible Terror/Visible Terror
- Terror as a life-force: hurricane/storm/floods: Natural Disaster Terror
- Earth/Gaia Terror
- Danger = Terror/ Terrifying = Haunting
- Terror of love/Commitment
- Terror of being alive
- Terror of being wanted
- Terror of trusting
- Terror associated with laughter.