Sugar Sugar!

A private TV channel reported that sugar dealers in Faisalabad are complaining that they must purchase publicity banners of Punjab Chief Minister Shahbaz Sharif while purchasing sugar at controlled rates.

Each banner is ‘available’ for Rs 400. After directions from the Supreme Court, the Punjab government announced it would sell sugar at Rs 38 per kg to sugar dealers across the province. But sugar dealers in Faisalabad allege that they have to buy a Shahbaz Sharif banner each time they buy stock.

A dealer complained, “We have no profit margin, because sugar costs us Rs 39 per kg and we are bound to sell it at Rs 40 per kg.” Another trader said, “The CM ought to give away his publicity banners to dealers for free”.

Never at a loss for words, Punjab government spokesman, Senator Pervaiz Rashid, said the government would stop this ‘publicity campaign’ very soon.

The flour crisis is NOT over in Pakistan; do NOT be deceived. If you recall, a while back, I posted Scott Mckenzie’s famous San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Flowers In Your Hair)

Considering the tense situation and the endless queues outside the grocery stores, the title of the song needs to be modified as follows:

San Francisco (Be Sure To Wear Some FLOUR In Your Hair)

Flour is ‘aata’—another rare item associated with our daily rations; beloveds countrywide will be seen with their hair decorated with ‘aata’ instead of flowers.

As for the new song, ‘Sugar Sugar’, that I have posted here, listen repeatedly to allow the title to sink into your brain if not into the teacup that begs for white ultra-refined sugar. Considering that the essential item associated with the title of the song is hard to come by these days, this song is all what I suggest my compatriots to listen to all day. People with MP3 devices, the human poodles raised on junk food, and the insensitive bourgeois with their i-pods and Land Bruisers, all need to lose themselves in this ‘Sugar Sugar’ mantra.

'Sugar Sugar' by The Archies is a classic hit from 1969 (do not let the last two digits of the year suggest anything past dinner) that reached the top in the pop charts and stayed there for eight whole weeks.

Fast forward forty years—2009: 'Sugar Sugar' is now bound to make our sugarmill-owner rulers reach the top of Islamabad's Shakarparian hillock, if nothing else. If you are not able to get your sweaty hands on half a kilogram of the white stuff after standing in a queue for four hours outside a grocery store, do not lose hope, go back home, kick the door open, twist away to ‘Sugar Sugar’ and let the tired spouse stare at you in total disbelief or disgust.

Sugar is precious and no matter how much someone coerces you into parting with whatever amount of sweetness Nature has placed on your lips, DO NOT (I repeat, DO NOT) give it away recklessly to the next person who walks through the door.

And as for the comic lyrics that suggest you have someone pour that rare commodity on you, do not try this at home with your spouse—at least not when you are in civil company. If you are careless enough to try the scheme on your spouse, she just might, quite suddenly, break down in the middle of this national crisis and turn your life into hell rather than make it sweet as heaven with a retort such as: ‘We’re in the middle of a national crisis and all you care about is shamless ROMANCE?’

What comes as a bonus with the track’s lyrics are two more items that are even more sugar-laden: honey and candy. Now, enjoy the song.

***

Sugar, ahh,
Honey, honey.
You are my candy girl,
And you got me wanting you.
Honey, ahh,
Sugar, sugar.
You are my candy girl,
And you got me wanting you.

I just can't believe the loveliness of loving you.
(I just can't believe it's true)
I just can't believe the wonder of this feeling, too.
(I just can't believe it's true)
Sugar, ahh,
Honey, honey.
You are my candy girl,
And you got me wanting you.
Honey, ahh,
Sugar, sugar.
You are my candy girl,
And you got me wanting you.

When I kissed you, girl,
I knew how sweet a kiss could be.
(I knew how sweet a kiss could be)
Like the summer sunshine,
Pour your sweetness over me.
(Pour your sweetness over me)
Ohh, pour your sugar on me, honey.
Pour your sugar on me, baby.
(I'm gonna make your life so sweet)
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Pour your sugar on me, oh yeah.
Pour your sugar on me, honey.
Pour your sugar on me, baby.
(I'm gonna make your life so sweet)
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Pour your sugar on me, honey.

Ahh, sugar, ahh,
Honey, honey.
You are my candy girl,
And you got me wanting you.
Ohhh, honey, honey.
Sugar, sugar.
Honey, honey.
Sugar, sugar.
Honey, ahh,
Sugar, sugar.
You are my candy girl,
And you got me wanting you.