"That Indian Girl. . ."

It’s my party, and I’ll cry if I want to
Cry if I want to, cry if I want to!
You would cry too if it happened to you

*sniff*
"I don’t deserve this. I definitely don’t deserve it", says a teary-eyed Shetty. Shilpa Shetty, the bollywood queen has been paid $713,000 for a stint on the Big Brother UK TV program, where a bunch of people living in a house, secluded from the outside world, vote each other off every week. Instead of being hailed and accommodated as an exotic Brahman princess, her british housemates on the program have been literally treating her like a Dalit (untouchable). Her housemates have called her all sorts of nasty names, but what seems to have irked the indian community most, is when she was referred to as, "that indian girl" around the house.

Here is a sampling of what has the whole british NRI diaspora up-in-arms, dialing their hearts out to Channel-4 complaining, while her fans in india are busy burning effigies:

"Go back to the slums", "I think she should fuck-off home", "don’t blatantly lie, don’t lie...it’s not the only thing you ordered, you liar", "I hate fucking liars, don’t lie over something stupid... fucking wanker", "You’re not some princess in fucking Neverland. You’re not some princess here. You’re a normal housemate like everybody else. Everybody else", "She wants to be white... she’s a dog", "She’s a cunt".

When Shilpa handled the food of one housemate, he was told by another, "don’t eat that, you don’t know where her hands have been". Recently, Shilpa got into a one-on-one with Jade, one of her housemates on big brother UK:

Shilpa: "Oh, please learn some manners. You know what you need ?, you need elocution lessons Jade".
Jade: "I don’t want elocution. I don’t want elocution. You know what you need ?, some real life in your life. You are so far up your own arse, you can smell your own shit".
Jade: " ’You need elocution lessons’... You need a day in the slums. Fucking go in your community. Fucking go in your community and go to all those people who look up to you and be real. You fucking fake".
Jade: "Go back to the slums and find out what real life is about lady".
Shilpa: "I cannot fight people like that. I am not from the roadside. She must be and she is".


After this brouhaha, Shilpa turns to Jermaine Jackson, the token black guy, and asks whether the other girls hate her, "because I am an indian ?". In the Diary Room she asks, "They all have different accents, but only mine is singled out. I don’t know why. I think they find it funny". Shilpa then muses to another housemate, "I am representing my country. Is that what today’s UK is ?". "It’s scary. It’s quite a shame actually".


Since the early 90’s the indians have increasingly been looking towards the west for their inspiration, salvation and final destination. Bollywood took the lead: Western clothes, themes, morals, stories and culture largely replaced the traditional indian movie fare. Indian actors and actresses now only give out interviews in English. If forced, they painstakingly throw out a couple of chewed-out words in hindi, feigning shame over their inability to speak their mother tongue. But this kavva, acting like a huns, will only go so far.

To the average gora, you will always be "that indian/Pak/whatever". Doesn’t matter how much you scored on that verbal section of SAT/GRE. No matter how well you speak their colloquial language, have picked up their customs, or are able to ape their countenance. You’re still "that indian". Dye your hair, change the color of your eyes, pierce yourself silly, or paint your ass white. You’re still, "that indian". Renounce your faith, your country and your race. Still "that indian". And this will continue for generations to come. And when the trucks roll in, they will not care how much time you spent, trying to ’Be Like Mike’. You’re brown, so get outta town.

Besides that, the bad news for indians in particular, is that the average brit still thinks of mother india as a stinking ’slum’, where people of questionable hygiene, character and morals reside. The message of "India Shining" seems to have been lost on the brits, much the same as the average indian voter. In a strange twist, some indians have even opined on message boards that it serves Shetty right, since her fellow caste members treat half of india much worse, on a daily basis.

Wouldn’t it be ironic if Shetty’s tormentors on Big Brother, who are under fire in Britain for being racists, are actually secretly being toasted as heroes, by that other half (untouchable) of india ?.