ex-anger

where should i go from here
it seems it started all over again
i know it seems that i have been saying that in each blog.
But i cant get over the fact things come back, no matter what it is. No matter what form it comes, no matter who it is.... it just all comes back to repeat the same mistakes.

i remember the days when i woke up energetic, happy, curious.. not sad, not tired, not thinking " *sigh* another day". waiting for the weekend, hoping that will make the difference but its sunday and i still feel the same.

i want more of this misery... thats what i think. I want to be alone and think about it all the time... thats what i want to do. I want to be left in this alone... once again.

i think am angry.. still angry. You get married in a couple of months but where am i? do you know? i dont miss you, i dont love you and i dont want you. Trust me. But i am jealous i admit. its been a year and half . do you remember i told you that you would never get married and i no one would love you again.

I guess that happened to me instead, i am left here back again. Maybe you would be jealous and regretful about where you are but trust me everyone one wants the end... the end of the search of love.

Whether is arranged,or love and first sight. It still someone.... life is nothing without someone to spend it with or even to be able to tell until the end.

i want to say sorry and i forgive you. We tried... you tried i understand that now.. it took me a long time but no matter where i am in my life i am sorry for hating you for so long.
Maybe thats why i am where i am... but this is life right.

the longer you hide from what hurt and fear it just comes back somehow to hurt and make you fear it more. I dont know where i go from here, whether i change for the better or just get worse till i have to repeat the healing again.

i dont know anymore.. but i what i know that anger that no one sees or hears is the most deadly.And only prayer and forgiveness can help the insides thats burning a hole in my heart.