man with movie camera.... this is for u

i cant tell you what i am doing
i sit here writing then deleting
i find myself drowning inself pity
staring at this screen all night... in my castle
i wait as the day turns to night.....
watch the world’s light fade into mine.

i can see everything
the wind blows through my room
touches my body .... the world is mine
no one can see me.....
the person i really am without my cover.

my days run by
i dont know the date... at times the day
i am aware of the fact that i can change all this
that i live for... these worldly desires
into a pure and true happiness
but thru great struggle
and sacriface.....

its not that i dont belive
i have just fallen off
back into my habits..
maybe back into the person i was before
the habits of surviving life ....that i know may kill me
but this time alone... out of choice
i am a different person
because i was shown the reason why
to all of lifes struggles ..... i found the gate way to all my answers
but that was the just a touch it feels now
when tinkerbell’s fairy dust could make wendy fly with peter pan
fairy tales... dream come true

but that fairy tale has returned me back
i hate to say in a harder way
i know what have to do everyday
i survived it with silence and smile
until i was oneday i turned to someone
who i was once so close to
but those are the hardest
but i did... feeling so good
hoping that this was the gate way
hoping i could find
happiness and support
and i did... until

i relized life had gone by so fast
turning us into people we didnt know
didnt experience ....because magic found us
turning our dreams into life.
we belived in something... turning us into angels
faith and love surrounded us

we alone now
in different countrys
in different places.
in different levels... hard ones i know
i struggled in hope that we would togather

i hoped you would try
i wait for you to ask
i wait for you to put me first
but you have turned into someone i dont know

i dont know if you dont care
or your just running away
comming back as if nothing has happened
as if you dont know that you have hurt me
you do know though... dont u
i hate you for that....
i hate that i have to say this
that you cant handle me...
instead run away... like you always did before
you didnt before.

but you wont
and i am tired... so tired of waiting
for you to come and ask me
we are not even in the same world
all we have is words... and those you cant give me
i hate that we have come to this state....
back to the selfish world.... or maybe i didnt know you
at all

you say you are different wih each person
what were you with me
what are you now....
why arent you trying with me
when i need you to!

so i lie in myself pity out of anger
anger of this solitude that i broke
to be hurt agian..



not knowing what to do
i sit 5 am in the morning
hoping it would change
but fate i believe has its own ways
and that we have gone.

your words have scared me
so easy they come out
do u not know how they hurt
how heavy they are....
or do not care... hoping to forget
i will not know because u will sit silent
i dont know why
i am tired of trying
alone.... so silently sit if you want...
but i have no more ...lost the words i had to say
fate took its way.... that night
leaving me silent... angry for depending on something
of the past

i will get up.... hoping i know better
but never knowing why you run from me
and then want me
then fade out...
why ... i wonder as i have
drowned now.... no more to say