Compatability issues among the single muslims

One of my single friends has been actively exploring the landscape for his future life partner. Every time he has met a Muslim woman, he gets into more issues than he anticipates. Just recently as we touched base, he stated his story of meeting this nice lady who seemed completely opposite to him over the phone. They discovered that they were poles apart. Something happened in a course of a month or so, and they decided to at least meet and explore the potential. My friend (I consider him conservative in values) ended up meeting with this very religious lady. From his point of view, he could not look into that as he found her rituals and values very suffocating. I guess the more they met, the more they thought they could compromise. According to him, he was very uncomfortable with her compromising that much.

As he was telling me these scenarios, I asked him to clarify the terms and conditions that became a big issue...

He: She wanted me to only eat halal. She wanted her spouse to go and offer prayers regularly in the mosque.

Me: Why do people like to wear their religion on their sleeves? I thought being Sunnis you could find a common ground.

He: There were more issues than I could ever anticipate. She wanted the kids to start praying at age xyz. She wanted them to fast at age abc.

Me: You do not even know each other well. Both of you may even evolve in a different direction by certain age. Why would you be even making children an issue at a very early phase of your relationship?

He: You are very right. This would not have been an issue, had I known that she was flexible or normal.

Me: What do you mean by normal?

He: She had tremendous pressure from her family since they were very religious and into rituals.

Me: That’s real sad. If Muslims cannot be compatible with each other then they should definitely explore outside their culture and religion.

He: Many of the ritualistic desis in the west have more issues than one can imagine. You have to realize something. If someone has a preference for chicken over red meat that’s different than someone who believes that red meat has to be halal.

Me: I disagree with your stance. People who are comfortable in their framework do not need to wear their religious values on their sleeves. You may not realize that now but you may evolve in a different direction by the time you have children. How old is this woman?

He: In her 20’s.

Me: She must be real naive to ignore the process of growth and learning.

He: Very confusing. On the one end, she would be at her company’s happy hour and is a professional woman, but on the other end when it comes to marriage her views are extremely narrow-minded. We decided to part as the differences were simply irreconcilable.

Me: And this was a desi Muslim woman?

He: Sadly, yes.

Me: You need to explore non-Muslims and forget about the desi tag there.

He: Culture is important to me.

Me: That’s where I consider you real narrow-minded. There is nothing in the desi culture to hold onto. I am sorry I don’t find anything.

He: Hmmm....

Suddenly he changes the subject....

Previously, he had met with a lot of other women who were Shias so that was an issue. Now, he comes across a Sunni and that’s an issue on both sides.

Me: I find it real weird that educated Muslims are so stuck up in their rituals that they cannot see past them.

He: You cannot change people. I did not want her to compromise that much. She was definitely agreeing to too many things. But then the family pressure made her go back to square one. I cannot commit to someone who wants her spouse to sport a beard and a topi in the next few years. I do not smoke and drink, but I do not feel comfortable living my life in the whirlpool of suffocating rituals. There was so much emphasis on what our children should do by a certain age that that I was getting real worried.

Me: So you guys broke up because of your differences over children who do not even exist. What a joke! I agree that people do not change. But I find it real ironic that Muslims cannot get along with each other. An embarrassment!!! Probably, you should look into Jews and Christians. You may find some peace of mind there :)