reality

wondering where to start about what i am feeling today. I dont want to write about another bad day when it isnt and i should be grateful. But somehow i feel so trapped in this life of mine that is open to so much but i just dont know where to go and where i want to go is temporary. i have anything a person can have and i feel so ungreatful, it bothers me to think that i feel like i have nothing.

my old life clashes so much in my thoughts while i try to move on in the present. My phone rings now , i have the feeling agian that there is someone around who care for me. Not just one but people in my life that i want to be around and suddenly now when a day goes by and i dont have them around i become someone i dont like.

Being alone seemed easier because it meant no expectations or situations with desapointment. For so long thats where i was and kept myself so i couls keep safe from feeling what i am today right now this minute. But i was told to stop hiding and pushed myself into life agian, because with out this there is no living. There are people out there who want me in thier life.... so i went, but does it get easier?

They the past catches up with you and history repeats itself so where does that leave me?