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MeiN shaayar tau nahiN

Posted: Apr 7, 2008 Mon 11:48 pm     Views: 250    Interacts: 8

but inspired by so many young sho'raas (no pun!) here on chowk, kabhi kabhi thoRi jhak maar leita huuN. So here are a couple of ash'aar in angrezi that I wrote a while ago. Both are on the same note, both were written for and dedicated to...errrr, actually not the same person...but both bounced back with same momenta (and so I decided to attribute these to my creative instinct rather than to my romanticism; hence I share them with you here).

A smile that makes the heavens descend
and makes the sun cease to pretend
that he is the one who'd brighten the life
from the beginning to the time's end.


As darkness descends on earth in a stream
a ray so bright as if the sun went wild
makes all that's around me glow and beam
just then I know, it's you who smiled!


(That's too much light for Earth's sustenance, isn't it?)


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Latest comments
Posted by shobig_sifar on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:50 am
oh ok Ayesha, pardon me again...but I am not to blame, my only 'attempts' that have ever been noticed (and responded to in whatever way) are those at hitting on women, and that's why I misunderstood! :p

Apologies Nadeen, I didn't notice that subtle difference. And I guess I already answered your question above, right? ;)
Posted by Nadeenahmed83 on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:31 am
nadeeN....female name....probably inspired from NADEEM....you know how it is with names....verse looks real good now, much better modification than what I suggested......write some more....

I think Ayesha meant good attempt at poetry...what do you think???
Posted by ayesha5 on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:28 am
attempt on "Poetry" I meant!
Posted by shobig_sifar on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:25 am
pardon me Ayesha bibi, but it was by no means an attempt to hit on you...

Aadil, thanks yara!
Posted by ayesha5 on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:21 am
good attempt...
Posted by Optimistic_Aadil on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:16 am
you are a sha-irr or shy-err.. lol.. no you ARE a very good poet and your lyricism...wow...amazing!

we've got it...ur (un)intended pun BTW ....lol
Posted by shobig_sifar on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:11 am
Thanks a lot for the suggestion and the comment, Nadeem. I have modified the last verse slightly, although not the way you suggested, I guess it looks a bit better now.
Posted by Nadeenahmed83 on Tuesday April 8, 2008 12:01 am
"just then I know" THAT YOU JUST "smiled!"

What if you add these three words?
The weight of the second stanza would then be perfect.

Its beautiful.

Is tarha ki jhak maar lainey mein koi harj nahin.

shobig_sifar

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