Could I Handle Two?

before i even read it... Mabrook!

Atif the Latin Lover :

Ew.

I congratulate Chowk staff for making this decision to publish this article. However, this should be just the first of many steps in assuring all of us non-intellectual commoners that Chowk belongs to us too.

The irony is not lost on me that this article is published next to the article where its author with below average command of religion is making a scholarly case about changing Islam as it exists. Serves him right, I say.

Bina #3 writes ``EW.``

Bina ji, now you know how I feel when I read your articles. Except that your socio-economic articles about Pakistan are far humorous than any thing I can come up with.

LOL

Atif,

It seems it was your first experience of a massage. Any massage which is not full body and less then 1 hour, imo, is not a massage at all.
I would recommend you start getting regular massage at least once a month. It does not cost a whole lot and you don’t have to worry about controlling your emotions sexual and otherwise. Some masseuse would be very helpful.

There are some seedy places too but Chinese girls are not bad. Try a few and then report back and I will give you more hints. I think people need to enjoy life if they can afford too.

My best massage was in Huntsville, Alabama...That chines girl was really...

this has nothing to do with my marital status but i would like to find out if its kosher for married men to get massage from women who are not their wives?

Faisea,
good question.

I don’t think that getting massages changes the marriage vows. I hope you understand that the first purpose of the massage is to relieve stress and a good massage allows you to relax in every which way. Massage is not a sexual activity but it does provide the stimulation that body needs.

If you visit any upscale massage place you will find them crowded with married men/women of all ages. I think if you visit quality places then your marriage is safe but if you are continuously visiting seedy places then there is a problem in your marriage and you need to work on it.

faisal #7 asks ``i would like to find out if its kosher for married men to get massage from women who are not their wives? ``

Faisal, unless you are going to massage for what HP seems to be suggesting, then although it might be more ``fulfilling``, it may not be kosher. However, if you are going to massage from a physical therapy perspective, then it would be same as you going to see a lady doctor.

Now I know, I wouldnt have any issues if a lady doctor sees me. Frankly, thats the only time I can drop my pants in front of a lady and not get slapped. Although I do get a lecture that its not necessary to drop pants when all you in is for sore throat and flu check.

HP # 6 - you read it right. Indeed it was my first massage - something that left an indelible mark on my life. when going gets really tough in Boston, I often find solace in reminiscing the day when I became the object of attention for two girls. Although I did not get much pleasure out of it, I sincerely hope that the experience left two girls fully satisfied.

what if your wife refuses you permission for a massage and wont give you one either? what options do you have then especially if you are homophobic and dont want a male masseur to come you?

once again this is a hypothetical although not the homophobic part.

I doubt that any man would allow a masseur to touch his body. It has to be exclusively a masseuse. Nobody needs wife’s permission for a massage unless the purpose of getting a massage is sexual gratification.
Now the question is whether a man would have problems with his wife getting a massage from a man. I have not known any woman who prefers a masseuse but women generally would not be as decidedly averse to it as men are to masseur.

To me this is how it works; if you don’t have a problem with your wife getting a massage from a masseur then there is no reason for the wife to prohibit it. It basically boils down to how comfortable you are in relationship.

For men certainly there are many more places to extend the pleasure. Men do go to places they don’t wanna talk about with their wives and I think it is more being discreet than being not faithful. Mostly Massage is a one way act and once you go there you will understand it.

Atif, there is more to it than just dropping pants in a doctor’s office. I think now that you have tasted it you need to extend it and then you would realize how good it is for your body and soul.

A gentle touch from the opposite sex is the biggest pleasure all relationships boil down to (exceptions excluded). The more hands you can get on your body….

Atif, working on your big beer belly, the girls were also probably thinking of having sex with 2 men at the same time.

What part of your body were you getting a haricut on?

hp, you raise some interesting points. i certainly had not thought about women wanting massages as well esp pak women who dont seem to be into these sort of things. would`nt bother me though if they were cause i am not a jealous type of a guy. otoh, women i have gone out with have generally interpreted my lack of jealousy the wrong way and have given me grief over it. i guess you cant win with pak women however hard you try.

btw i wonder what are the options for a massage in pak? i certainly have not heard of massage parlour where men can get massages from women. i bet such an establishment would do good business if it were to open in karachi. however some restrictions would have to be put on the clientele cause no one wants to watch a bunch of hairy memon men lounging around in their towels.

kulharee #13 - ``Atif, working on your big beer belly, the girls were also probably thinking of having sex with 2 men at the same time. ``

Evidence proved otherwise. Not only that the two girls walked on their own free will to my sofa, they also exchanged several smiles with me during the course of massage as I alternated between groans, grunts and giggles.

Faisal # 14 - ``btw i wonder what are the options for a massage in pak?``

Fortunately, there are. Unfortunately, they mostly include men. Barbers in many punjab cities would also do head & shoulder massage. And many barbers, when they are not busy circumcising in their part time, also work as ``malushia``. Although it seems a bit dosconcerting, but many men in punjab do occassionaly employ malushias.

Massage is indeed a great pleasure for the mind, body and spirit. I am a little surprised that the writer ended up realizing that in Venezuela. I am sure you can find many spas in your area (in the US) that offer different techniques of massages - reflexology, swedish, shiatsu, sports, deep tissue and lumi lumi. Often times, the local sports clubs have their own massage therapists. They specialize in sports and deep tissue massages. You can get a good deal as a member. The world would have been boring and incomplete without a good masseuse and different forms of massage. I won`t ever go to someone who is not certified. After all, you would like to come out of a session in one piece. I disagree with hp that you should have a massage once a month. It all depends on your life style.

Faisal,

Atif’s reply #15 is interesting but I am going to surprise you even more. Hijira in Pakistani cities are essentially masseurs! They provide this service to many men in low income neighborhoods. Some professional women (not office workers) learn and provide massage services too.

To answer your other questions I would say that mostly in the subcontinent life is different and what I wrote basically goes with the society that I live in now. My attitude in Pakistan would be different not because I have dual standards but my SO’s rep would be at stake if she uses a man for massage.

Jealousy imo, is another name for claiming ownership or possession. Swinging or even massage parlors thrive in the US because lots of people have overcome their instinct to claim ownership of every thing close to them. In Pakistani, Indian or mostly Asian societies, women are still equated as property thus the problem with ownership and control come into play.

For woman in the West, it is important to show some control (jealousy) at the initiation of the relationship. This gives a clear message of high interest and care. But over time you need to achieve a comfort zone to make a relationship successful. For women from our part of the world, it is much more complex. They appreciate some jealousy and control but they are mostly looking for someone who can provide protection or are a sort of father figure. They forego jealousy when it comes down to protection. Men in our part of the world certainly take advantage of it.

Currently, Massage is a huge fad in the US and imo, it would be good business to own a franchise of a massage parlor.

Here is a joke for you..

A husband and wife were having Dinner at a restaurant, a gorgeous blond walks in and gives a full mouth kiss to the husband and asks for the time to meet him. After she leaves, the stunned Wife asks, “wooohoo whats going on here? who is this bimbo?” Husband calmly replies she is his mistress. Wife is now completely upset…ask for separation…Husband says that is fine but remember after the divorce no trips to Paris for shopping, no parties and no expensive jewelry…remember the prenups…you don’t get anything….Wife shuts her mouth. A few minutes later a family friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous, voluptuous woman in his arms….Now the wife asks who this woman with him is. Husband tells her this is his mistress…wife thinks for a second and then says “our mistress is better looking.”


#16 I like little pleasures in life....Once a month is good...

this article is not `humorous` at all..... more like an entry from a horny teenager`s blog

This is a very insightful article. I found it a good, honest appraisal of an important question.

I was hoping to understand why we have two of some organs and one of others. Maybe there is some new information there.

Also, if women think any differently? Seems they do based on responses here.

scout #18 ``this article is not `humorous` at all..... more like an entry from a horny teenager`s blog``

Scout, you are right...on both counts. It wasnt intended to be funny. It is a factual analysis of having sex with two girls. It illustrates that since pleasure is a function of actual touch as well as anticipation of touch, it is very hard to enjoy when your mind is getting distracted with multiple unsynchronized touches. Contrary to what they show you in group sex movies, reality turned out to be much different.

As for the horny part, I am not sure why you state it in a contemptuous manner. After all, it is a natural human instinct. In fact, if a person cant get horny, he/she has a chemical imbalance for which he/she should see a doctor. So Scout, we should be very thankful that we all have the ability to get horny, pretty much on demand.

Thank you for your comment...

zahraJ #16 ``I am a little surprised that the writer ended up realizing that in Venezuela. I am sure you can find many spas in your area (in the US) that offer different techniques of massages ``

Zahraj, very informative comments you posted. As for why I never explored massage in US, well frankly, I never thought of it. I would still not have thought of it had I not been offered that opportunity. And that too for free. Involving two latin girls. At the same time.

Now that I am no longer a massage virgin, would I look for a massage parlor in US? Hmmm...I think its a toughy. I just dont know enough about various massages, and my first experience wasnt all that. I think it was the idea of being touched, rather than the pleasure of touch itself that gave me the rise (so to speak).

Thanks for your comments...

atif2,

i can PROMISE you that this `analysis` would not have been published a month ago, the current chowk leadership is responsible for this disastrous decision.

anyway, enjoy your undeserving limelight, it`s not your fault

scout # 22 ``i can PROMISE you that this `analysis` would not have been published a month ago``

And scout I can PROMISE you that I would not have cared if this analysis would not have published a month ago on Chowk. I would have found another way to publicize my findings to the research community.

Thank you for your valuable comments...

Atif: This is an interesting write-up. I love the subject and art of massage therefore I did not care much for anything else in this write-up. You should definitely be given a corner on Chowk. Your writings are a positive change.

I would recommend that you try an hour massage of each type I have mentioned, in my earlier post, to understand and realize the difference. Once you take that approach then you have not missed much in life.

HP:I agree the frequency is dependent on our personal preference.

deep down inside, atif, you know you are undeserving of this limelight

BUT

andhon main kaana raja

what can anyone do but congratulate you

Re: # 24

how is writing about fornication with two women `a positive change`

Some of you old farts may remember this song by legendary Johnie Walker.. in Piyasa…

Sar jo Tera Chakraye, Ya Dil Dooba Jaye
Aaja Piyare Paas Hamare, Kahe Ghabraaye..
Kahe Ghabraaye

Tael Mera hai Muski, Na Ganj Rahe Na Khuski
Jis Ke Sar Pe Hath Phira DooN Chamke Kismat Us ki

Soun soun soun, Rrey Beta sound
is Champi Mein BaRe BaRe Goun

Tael Maalish…..


HP Sahib... In Lahore, It pouto tay Malshia nikalda ay.

Re: # 14
Their are plenty of options. In Islamabad establishments popularly known as Chinese Club`s in the F/7 area provide the service at 800 rupees for a massage and a little more if you`re willing to pay extra.

In Karachi their are many ``beauty parlours`` in the Tariq Road and Clifton areas, that you can get the above mentioned services at, but you need contacts to get in there.

I am a little ticked off by one item in this write-up. How can you be turned on by getting a 10-minute massage? That`s an insult to the very concept of massage. A massage is performed to relax the human body`s muscles, open any stubborn knots, and soothe the mind. You cannot accomplish all that in 10 minutes even if you have four therapists (masseuse and masseur) working on you. The human body has to be warmed up before putting any pressure or conducting deep kneading. There is a process that needs to be followed. In an effort to combine his sexual fantasies with the subject of massage, the writer has butchered a spiritual concept.

In real life, I have had massage therapists who are extemely passionate about their skill and won`t touch you if you ask them to conduct a 10-minute stint. They have to follow their training and steps. The dos and do nots are very clear. You cannot accomplish the clarity of mind and any kind of rejuvenation at a salon. You have to have the right ambience. A place where women are giggling in the background is not the right place for a massage. This shows the writer`s lack of exposure to the subject matter, the fine things in life and how to take care of himself.

Boston has quite a few nice spas and health clubs. I am amazed that he has not tried one. I recommend BSC - Boston Sports Club vs. a spa (in the beginning). Atif: Please follow the link below and you may be pleasantly surprised. If you are not a member then you can walk in and request a trial membership. You can checkout the facility and amenities during the trial period. After that it is your prerogative to join or not to join.

http://www.mysportsclubs.com/clubsched/_clubdetail.htm?rg=BSC&a=Greater+Boston&c=218

I ran into an interesting experience a few years ago at my aunt`s place. She had discovered a shiatsu masseuse in California and was singing songs in her praise. Suddenly, the topic got changed and she brought up her son`s muscular spasm issues. Now, the son is in his 50s and not a baby. ``Why don`t you route him to this masseuse?`` I asked. ``My son will never go to a masseuse to get a massage. What is his wife for?`` I was so disgusted and shocked that I could not believe my ears. Later on, I realized that it was the gender of the therapist that was of concern.

All this bragging about multi-tasking is coming from a perverted Mullah who can`t chew gum and pray simultaneously.

#13, Kulharee Bhai, LOL

I can`t believe the selective morality of some people. Many of these same massage enthusiasts were expressing their outrage at gentlemen`s clubs, locations that offer rest and relaxation through the combination of heavenly nectar and heavenly houris. Hours of fun without disrobing by gentlemen.

Zahraj # 24 ``You should definitely be given a corner on Chowk. ``

ZahraJ, I have no shame in admitting that I cried when I read that. May I ask you to send an email to Chowk staff asking them to make Atif a permanent feature writer on Chowk? Thank you.

Scout # 25 ``deep down inside, atif, you know you are undeserving of this limelight``

Scout, quite honestly, you wont have to go deep down to find that. Just scratch the surface of mine and you will know that I know I am undeserving. The fact that you even read any thing written by me is flattering. Every word that you write on chowk belies your aristocratic bearings. Thank you for your comments.

Scout # 26 ``how is writing about fornication with two women `a positive change` ``

Please show me one negative thing about it.

ZahraJ # 29 ``How can you be turned on by getting a 10-minute massage?``

I know. Sometimes I even surprise myself. But then I figure, thats a lot better than what used to be the case with me in college - always turned on, massage or no massage. Thank you for your suggestions regarding Boston Club. You sure seem to have very detailed and, may I say, passionate knowledge about massages.

Salim # 32 ``Many of these same massage enthusiasts were expressing their outrage at gentlemen`s clubs``

Salim, if truth be told, we are against the rampant spread of homosexuality on chowk. We think that there is room for every kind of literary filth on chowk, including about sexual fantasies at a salon. But there is no room, and I repeat, NO room for unabashed homosexuality and targeting of men via female sounding annonymous nicks. I hope that clears any misunderstanding between you and the rest of the chowkies. Thanks for writing.

=== Interact Filtered ===
view this users filtered interacts

Salim #30 : `All this bragging about multi-tasking is coming from a perverted Mullah who can`t chew gum and pray simultaneously. `....LOL.

Is that true Atif2?
When you and Pappu slurupped each other`s Chai all day long, did you pray at that time?

#27 Kulharee:

LOL... you made me go thru my memory lane...)

Soun soun soun, Rrey Beta sound
is Champi Mein BaRe BaRe Goun

atif2
It was funny article, indeed....................ha,ha,haaaaaaaaaa
You know something, I and my family always make fun of those massages offered at spas. Sometimes, they offer you free ones. But, boy, the idea of even seeing any one being massaged reminds me of a word(DULHAII) as if being beating by soemone else.......

My sister`s mother in law is, too damn interested in massage..............

Well, congratulation for being published on FP.

sorry for typo
As if being beaten by someone.................

Re: # 33

Atif,

I am sure you know that if you truly deserve your own corner then nothing can stop you. Your style reminds me of another spontaneous and interesting writer on Chowk - A. Shiraz. I may not agree with your drift but your style is quite refreshing.

Going back to the subject: I like getting a decent massage every now and then. As a result, I do have a good sense of both the art and the science of massage. My mantra is work hard but take very good care of yourself. This is not rocket science. It`s just a personal approach.

I wished you had gone to a nice spa in Venezuela that specialized in massage therapy. That way you would have gotten a better flavor of the local technique. To give an example, Lomi Lomi is a type of massage that is mostly practiced in Hawaii. This technique involves long strokes. The first time I visited Hawaii, I really wanted to try it out. I had read about it. That`s my way of exploring a new place by tring out a local spa. The massage technique did not meet my expectation but the background detail on Lumi Lumi was very educational and interesting. This kind of massage has a lot of spiritual significance as well. You can read some interesting details on the following link:
http://www.huna.org/html/lomilomi.html

There are many more techniques out there in the world. I love places that either combine the techniques or bring techniques / therapists from different parts of the world under one umbrella. It`s an involving subject provided you are into it. Your remark about not trying it out in the US made it sound as if getting a massage was equivalent to getting into an illegal and/or immoral activity. That is where you displayed your close-mindedness and lack of exposure to the subject matter. By the way, in decent upscale spas and healthclubs, you do have the option of choosing a masseur over a masseuse or vice versa. In my opinion, a good massage is all about the following: touch, pressure, technique and ambience. The gender of the massage therapist is immaterial. If you are going after the gender then you have other intentions that are way beyond the scope of ``massage therapy``. I guess hp has already brought up a few points in that regard to educate the readership.

Chowk staff : Please explain the reason for the following remarks on post #34.

``

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This interact has been filtered by Chowk for ignoring Chowk InterAct! Guidelines, you are viewing it because you have chosen to ignore the Chowk filter

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``

If `turn on` was the offending phrase, can you explain why ZahraJ`s post #29 is not subjected to the same filter.

Maybe words mean only what ZahraJ wants them to mean. It would be nice to have a Webster edited and massaged by ZahraJ.

By the way who is this person distributing `corners` on Chowk and how did she corner the corner market? Is she a majority share holder of Chowk, a supra editor or just related to the owners?

how did u get that survey done...sex among three.....none goes satisfied.....thank god u didnt have it with those venezvalan salon girls.....u wud have given pakistani males a bad rep in bed.......u had the message....ab hum kiya kurein jee?

For general information:

Posts are filtered out if they do not follow Chowk guidelines.

`Turn on` is a perfectly acceptable phrase as is `feeling horny` and several others that were used in the filtered-out post. However, personally derogatory comments/innuendoes about other interactors will not be tolerated here.

You may re-post without those references.

Everyone here is entitled to have their opinions regarding who is deserving of what. It goes with the community spirit (much as the spit does). `Corners` or walls for that matter are, of course, only allocated by us.

And, no, an ego massage is not the criterion. Hope that helps clarify things.

#42 Chowk Staff: Thanks for your clarification. I shall go over the offending post and try to read your mind and hazard guesses about what you would or would not find derogatory comments/innuendos. I had no derogatory comments, innuendos or personal insults of ZahraJ, only her published comments.

She definitely did not inderstand the meaning of `turn on`.

She demanded too much of the writer, had preconceived ideas about `scope of work`. She has fascist leanings on illegality and immorality of men seeking sexual gratification from a massage without thinking of God and Lumi Lumi (See her post #39).

Is an agnostic male point of view considered a derogatory comment/ innuendo automatically if a feminist`s or a female`s published comment is challenged?

Atif2 may very well be the next Henry Miller and I am happy to see him published, If `scope of work` Fraus will just leave him alone.)

It is good to know that I have the same right as ZahraJ to petition you for writers to have corners or walls. What was the crack about spit? Did I mis-spell the word?

`Hope that helps clarify things.` Clear as mud. Thanks anyways.

For the time being I feel that I looked `unflinching idealism` in the eye and it blinked and twitched uncontrollably.

#42 Chowk Staff: Thanks for your clarification. I shall go over the offending post and try to read your mind and hazard guesses about what you would or would not find derogatory comments/innuendos. I had no derogatory comments, innuendos or personal insults of ZahraJ, only her published comments.

She definitely did not inderstand the meaning of `turn on`.

She demanded too much of the writer, had preconceived ideas about `scope of work`. She has fascist leanings on illegality and immorality of men seeking sexual gratification from a massage without thinking of God and Lumi Lumi (See her post #39).

Is an agnostic male point of view considered a derogatory comment/ innuendo automatically if a feminist`s or a female`s published comment is challenged?

Atif2 may very well be the next Henry Miller and I am happy to see him published, If `scope of work` Fraus will just leave him alone.)

It is good to know that I have the same right as ZahraJ to petition you for writers to have corners or walls. What was the crack about spit? Did I mis-spell the word?

`Hope that helps clarify things.` Clear as mud. Thanks anyways.

For the time being I feel that I looked `unflinching idealism` in the eye and it blinked and twitched uncontrollably.

I am not surprised that an interactor got filtered out on a subject like this. There are a lot of sickos out in the world. This one is no exception.

Re: # 45:
`I am not surprised that an interactor got filtered out on a subject like this. There are a lot of sickos out in the world. This one is no exception.`

Who can argue with brilliant logic like that? Call anyone who has a different opinion, different religion, different appetite or writing style a Sicko. That covers a lot of ground and one can always walk six inches above the ground feeling superior, unsurprised and declaring knowledge of the world and the number of sickos it contains.

However in the end the question is not whether someone is a Sicko or not, but can a Sicko express his/her allegedly sick thoughts? The sickos must be fought with reason on why their thoughts are sick, not just sticking labels on them and thought police knocking down their doors.

We always knew that Atif2 suffered from hoof and mouth disease. This head and feet affliction must be a recent acquisition. :)

This obsession with obtaining two simultaneous gratifications is a rare phenomenon normally associated with the offspring of women who employed dual vibrators during pregnancy. These infants ``grow up`` and suffix their names with an Arabic 2 numeral. :)

Re: # 29
There used to be one called Royal Sauna in Somerville and another one in Mass Av.

Re: # 47:
`This head and feet affliction must be a recent acquisition.`...LOL

Poor Atif2 has his plate full already. He is young, he`ll recover soon.

From ZahraJ`s admonition below, he is also close-minded, gets into illegal and/or immoral activity, lacks exposure to the subject matter and has a gender preference and intentions that are way beyond the scope of ``massage therapy``. A red blooded young Sicko male, if I ever saw one. All this poor Sicko ever wanted was a corner of Chowk, he could call his own.

Keep on trucking Atif, you must be doing something right. You`ll get your corner or the whole damn Chowk one day, if you are honest to yourself and write what is on your mind.

`There are many more techniques out there in the world. I love places that either combine the techniques or bring techniques / therapists from different parts of the world under one umbrella. It`s an involving subject provided you are into it. Your remark about not trying it out in the US made it sound as if getting a massage was equivalent to getting into an illegal and/or immoral activity. That is where you displayed your close-mindedness and lack of exposure to the subject matter. By the way, in decent upscale spas and healthclubs, you do have the option of choosing a masseur over a masseuse or vice versa. In my opinion, a good massage is all about the following: touch, pressure, technique and ambience. The gender of the massage therapist is immaterial. If you are going after the gender then you have other intentions that are way beyond the scope of ``massage therapy``. I guess hp has already brought up a few points in that regard to educate the readership.`

Oh do get certified in Lumi Lumi. Who knows when it might come in handy? It sounds like a good ice breaker in a bar `I can praise the Lord and also know how to do Lumi Lumi`.

Re: # 49: `There used to be one called Royal Sauna in Somerville and another one in Mass Av.`


DW: DO you have the option of choosing a masseur over a masseuse or vice versa in Royal Sauna or the other one in Mass Av? Assuming you went there, what was your preference? Did your wife go there too?

#50, Mannyd,
You are very funny. :) I can just imagine the enterprising young numeric-suffixed masseur going Lumi Lumi in a bar with all sorts of characters - as long as a vigilant bartender doesn`t toss his posterior to the exterior.

mannyd #50, {``Keep on trucking Atif, you must be doing something right. You`ll get your corner or the whole damn Chowk one day...``}

Manny Bhai,
If the numeric-suffixed, head and feet afflicted, dual exhaust contraption does get his own corner, will he be facing into the corner or out of it? Judging from his picture, he has a tendency to piss on his own shoes.

``How can you be turned on by getting a 10-minute massage?``

Regardless of atif’s response, I may add here that you can be turned on in a ten minute massage. Massage for the beginners has a kind of sensuous feel to it. Touching the body is always stimulating and it leads to some highly satisfying love making. It is relaxing and for me touching is the most important part of relationship with the opposite sex.

Those who are new to massage often go thru this feeling which some call turn on but it is just a response from the body as the body has been trained to respond to physical contact. It takes the body and mind a little time to adjust to the idea that the contact is not amorous in nature.

Once you are used to massage, this feeling naturally goes away but it does not mean that it will not come back. Instead of being embarrassed and look at the Masseuse sheepishly, it would be a good idea to just go thru it like any other feeling during the massage. Masseuses understand this and would go about doing their job if you don’t make it uncomfortable for them.

At some places it would be a good idea to just tip the masseuse generously and you will be helped thru the process (a $20 tip would do the trick). This is a men related problem and women don’t deal with it at all.
If you go for massage regularly, the minute you hit the table, your body starts to relax naturally and soon your mind and body would be too relaxed to have any tension in the muscles. Though as I said there may be times when your body would be tense. You are just going to have to deal with it.

My personal experience is that if you are in to exercising regularly, you will enjoy massage more than the people who just go for massage to relieve tension.

Re: # 52:
`I can just imagine the enterprising young numeric-suffixed masseur going Lumi Lumi in a bar with all sorts of characters`

Thanks Salim. I am sure Lumi Lumi has some spiritual angles for Hawaians but I just find the term hilarious. Sorry practitioners of Lumi Lumi, if this Sicko offended your Thunder God.

ZahraJ and MannyD - If there is some solace I find in your sibling rivalry, it is this: both of you agree that I have what it takes to become a permanent feature writer on Chowk. I am also glad that Chowk staff made a cameo appearance on this baord and saw with its own eyes people tipping over each other in praising my writing skills.

Zahra thanks again for a very informative piece on massage. One thing that I find odd about Hawaiians is their naming structure for various things: `lumi lumi` for massage, and `mahi mahi` for a fish?

Zeena # 37 - ``Well, congratulation for being published on FP.``

Zeena, I owe my inspiration to write articulate posts to you. So thank YOU!

Salim #53: `If the numeric-suffixed, head and feet afflicted, dual exhaust contraption does get his own corner, will he be facing into the corner or out of it?`


Let us ask Atif, when he returns back. He went out for a massage.

mannyD # 46 writes ``However in the end the question is not whether someone is a Sicko or not, but can a Sicko express his/her allegedly sick thoughts?``

Exactly my thoughts. Its this kind of thinking that has been my rallying cry in taking my sickness from the backwaters of Chowk to the front page. I can clearly see that a breach has been made in the high and mighty walls of pseudo-intellectualism infested front page. I will not rest until front page is littered with the sickening yet honest thoughts of unpluggers, replacing the pretentiously farcical dissertations by laggers posing as thinkers and scholars.

Re: # 56; Now do not let our praise go to your head.

You do know what `sibling` means, do`nt you Atif?

Atif,

What is the matter with you? Can you tell the difference between a foot and scalp massage and a sexual encounter?

Will you PLEASE get married, already? (eye roll)

Atif2 #56 {``One thing that I find odd about Hawaiians is their naming structure for various things: `lumi lumi` for massage, and `mahi mahi` for a fish? ``}

Not very different from your own obsession with duality. We all know that you desire a Lumi Lumi on Pago Pago from a chubby wubby Wahini Naani wearing a leigh leigh moo moo going jiggy jiggy with your lungi wungi.

Samina # 60 ``Will you PLEASE get married, already? (eye roll)``

Just like the proverbial pebble thrown in the waters off Mexico causes hurricane in US, its heart warming to see how my act of sitting in that sofa in a small town venezuela has resulted in talks about my marriage. Samina, if not your sincere request, Salim`s raging homosexuality will definitely push me in the direction of a shot gun marriage.

By the way, please feel free to introduce me to any suitable girls who are leftist in social values, rightist in profit making and middle of the road in bed.

Re: # 62

I`m sorry...but you are going to have to do your own dirty work....lol...

Atif:

I could have summarized your efforts by saying, ``what a cheap and frustrated person!``. I did not take that route since it was obvious that you were completely ignorant about the subject you were delving in. And, I am not referring to being ``turned on`` as the subject. From that pespective, you displayed your cheap standards. I am avoiding any generalizations. Trust me, it is very difficult.

Next time, you will get ``aroused`` if a woman slaps you on the streets of Boston. After all, it involved a brief touch and strong pressure from the opposite gender. I guess some men are real weak and have low standards. Let`s not forget the episode you can write about on completing your deen to get fully turned on. That is another insulting concept that you have brought up on Chowk - as if marriage is only about getting turned on. There is no guarantee that your spouse will be a great masseuse. In order to have that pleasure, you will need to marry a certified masseuse.

Lastly, please do not associate my brief encounter with the ``sicko`` on Chowk as sibling rivalry. I would not like to associate with such kind. Thanks.

Re: # 64

Zahra Behen, I certainly hope that marriage is a great deal about getting turned on-its the one of the few perks of this whole business :)

Re: # 54

Thanks for briefly touching upon men`s issues related to the subject of massage. I guess that brings up the basic difference between the psyche of men and women.

ZahraJ #64, {``Next time, you will get ``aroused`` if a woman slaps you on the streets of Boston. After all, it involved a brief touch and strong pressure from the opposite gender.``}

Brilliant and funny. :) LOL. I think this finally settles the sanitary napkins/condoms debate once and for all. Good for you - you owed him one and he had it coming.

Re: # 64: `Next time, you will get ``aroused`` if a woman slaps you on the streets of Boston. After all, it involved a brief touch and strong pressure from the opposite gender. I guess some men are real weak and have low standards.`

Are they now? A long time to male `arousal` after hours and days of the `dance of the seven veils` may be a sign of the real strong men with very lofty standards in feminists` minds, but to my Sicko mind it smells of stinky repulsive females, who would turn Lord kama Deva off his Rati KriDa.

There is a positive aspect to all this ugliness though. Such ugly females are the best tool against population explosion, the best thing since the pill and sliced bread.

This remark has no bearing on the likeness of female memebers of Chowk interactors, Chowk staff or their relatives and friends, but a mere academic observation on how ugliness does remove itself from the gene pool. The act of procreation becomes too darn boring and nothing is more boring than boring sex.

I know Atif 2 will not agree with me today, but he will someday.

Salim #61: `We all know that you desire a Lumi Lumi on Pago Pago from a chubby wubby Wahini Naani wearing a leigh leigh moo moo going jiggy jiggy with your lungi wungi.`

I see Samina Ji is on board too. AH those drums, those maddening incessant drums in the distance, driving grown up strong men to distraction, tears and swear off sex for ever. I am so glad I am not strong and am deaf to boot.

#68, Mannyd,
Of course you have heard of paper bags. They used to come with your groceries before the stores went plastic. Now that was a great idea for dual use.

ZahraJ # 64 ``That is another insulting concept that you have brought up on Chowk - as if marriage is only about getting turned on. ``

Zahra ji, I am here to for one and one reason only: corrupting people`s minds into getting rid of their pretentious sophistication.

So what is wrong with getting married so one can have sex? Why cant a girl and I enter into a marital relationship so as to be able to screw each other`s brain off in a socially and religiously acceptable manner? Whats wrong with that? Maybe the divorce rate in `civilized world` is creeping towards 60% because we have burdened our marriages with all these intellect heavy pretentious objectives like cherishing, reading to each other, buying flowers etc. May be if we were to stick to the simple objective of having an honest session of sex every day, most of our marital issues will resolve themselves.

Its because of these burdens of continuing to prove our love for each other that we neither last in love or get to enjoy sex.

Re: # 71: Salim Pai: `Of course you have heard of paper bags. They used to come with your groceries before the stores went plastic. Now that was a great idea for dual use.`

You know I had the same thought as soon as I hit the submit button. Paper bags and massive doses of Viagra do go hand in hand if the attached body is at least reasonably human to look at. In 79% of Viagra OD deaths, paper bags were also found in the room.

Re: # 65

Samina: Thank you for the update. How ignorant of me! :)

Re: # 72: Well said Atif.

`May be if we were to stick to the simple objective of having an honest session of sex every day, most of our marital issues will resolve themselves.`

Yes if it is done without marriage, all the much better. There will be no Bans and no Bansuri. The marital issues arise out of marriage.

I have heard of an Ebonics student in NY, who had three issues before she turned 19 but has no marital issues. None whatsoever.

atif2
“May be if we were to stick to the simple objective of having an honest session of sex every day, most of our marital issues will resolve themselves.”

Sounds like something out of an unmarried person’s dream world. Got to give up a few days every month…naturally…

In reality, marital issues start the day you wanna do it every day...You will find out...
Need me to expand on this thought?

Re: # 74

Zahra,

No problem....I`ll tell you what our uncles and aunties won`t. :)

#72, Atif2 {``Why cant a girl and I enter into a marital relationship so as to be able to screw each other`s brain off in a socially and religiously acceptable manner? Whats wrong with that? Maybe the divorce rate in `civilized world` is creeping towards 60% because we have burdened our marriages with all these intellect heavy pretentious objectives like cherishing, reading to each other, buying flowers etc. May be if we were to stick to the simple objective of having an honest session of sex every day, most of our marital issues will resolve themselves.``}

Atif2,
As a happily married young man, let me give you some sincere advice. Unlike the rough sex, macho mano a loco, bang bang thank you man, homosexual love you enjoy with your butt-butt friends, happiness and sexual bliss with a woman does require cherishing, reading to each other, and buying flowers.

With the dual-action dry humping in Venezuela, you may be on the right track. A touchy feely session with females of the opposite sex, even down under in the Amazons, is far better than the debauched life of sodomy that you were leading in Boston. We are all happy to see this improvement in the sexual asspect of your otherwise meaningless existence.

Re: # 75

And I`ve heard of thousands of issues destroyed because of the culturally enshrined hatred of girlchildren had become a medically assisted procedure...all so beeyatches like you could get jobs that might have gone to those daughters and sisters...

#73 mannyd {``In 79% of Viagra OD deaths, paper bags were also found in the room.``}

Mannyd,
Our numerically-suffixed dry humper knows all about paper bags. All he has to do is turn the bag around - now that he has a different perception on sexual asspects.

Re: # 77

Samina: You are so kind :)

Re: # 79; Samina Ji: Did I report something wrong in my post 75? If I did, please correct me. Was it her age, the number of children, her subject of study or her marital status that I erred about? There are unmarried welfare queeens, who do go out of their way to give births to bastards and they are everywhere in any city and any state. You agree with that or not?

That welfare funding by state promotes promiscuity, makes fathers redundant and is a primary reason for the decline of black family values in USA, is my opinion. It is a misnomer for illfare. You want to disagree with that in a rational manner, go ahead and do it in an intelligible rational manner.

`all so beeyatches like you could get jobs that might have gone to those daughters and sisters...`

There is no need to get `personal` and drag my female relatives, who are not here to defend their achievements.

Re: # 82

Mannyd Sahib,

To whom are you referring when you use the term ``welfare queen``?

Re: # 83

In other words, provide the evidence of your claim. Since you seem to ``know`` this imaginary person, provide names and life narratives.

Chop chop.

Salim Sahib # 78 and 80:
`We are all happy to see this improvement in the sexual asspect of your otherwise meaningless existence.`

I have no reason to doubt Atif`s strong condemnation of homosexuality on this thread. However even if he were a homosexual, it is his business. I have nothing against Homos or Lesbos as long as they stay in their closets and do not try to troll for mates on Chowk.

Saminasha #83, 84: The welfare queen I knew as a co-worker, is of mexican descent and had a baby out of wedlock. Her `baby shower` was celebrated with great gusto by other Mexican girl friends because she gets to go on dole. Since then the mother has gone ahead with four more births and contributed to the changing demographics in my state.

`Since you seem to ``know`` this imaginary person, provide names and life narratives.`
Give her any name you like. I may be a Republican but I am not going to do any chop chop for left wingers of NY.

The ebonics student was your student Professor Samina, was she not? I heard about her from you actually. Is she on welfare?

1. The ``example`` you are presenting has many inconsistancies. If she is your ``co worker``, logically she cannot be accepting social security, unless both of you are, and you have euphemised ``social security recipient`` as ``coworker``....

2. MY student? MY student attends college full time, AND works 20 hours in addition to raising her children. What do YOU have to say about it, beeyatch?

Mannyd Sahib`s post:

`` The welfare queen I knew as a co-worker``

Myth #1: Recipients of SSI do not, nor have ever held jobs.


``is of mexican descent and had a baby out of wedlock. ``

Myth #2: The salary of a single working parent can adequately cover the costs of child care in addition to other child rearing costs.

Myth #3: SSI single mother parents would be able to afford child care costs if she and her low income making partner married.

``Her `baby shower` was celebrated with great gusto by other Mexican girl friends because she gets to go on dole.``

Myth #4: Babies are bad news only when they are the children of partners who are not institutionally recognised.

Myth #5: SSI recipients prefer receiving assistance rather than being employed, paid a fair working salary and be able to spend time with their famillies.

``Since then the mother has gone ahead with four more births and contributed to the changing demographics in my state.``

Myth #6: If you are receiving SSI, or having a girlchild in India, it is mandatory for you to have an abortion.


I mean...do you really expect to be taken seriously?

#86, mannyd {``I have no reason to doubt Atif`s strong condemnation of homosexuality on this thread. However even if he were a homosexual, it is his business. ``}

Manny,
I agree with that. Atif`s homosexuality is his own damned business. I just think that the mad mullah doth protest too much, though. For someone who is so opposed to homosexuality, he sure does refer to it a lot. If you notice, in most of his interactions, he just can`t avoid the topic and bends over backwards (and deliberately never forwards) to try to convince people of his condemnation of the Greek way - all the time while he is pretending to be Alexander the Great in search of his Persian love. His Macedonian stance notwithstanding, one would almost believe him in his vows of heterosexuality. Anyway, I am glad that he discovered dry humpin down under in the Amazon.

#87: Read my post # 86 again slowly enunciating each word as you read it and see if the inconsistencies in your mind disappear. I think your palpating anger, strong urge to insult me is interfering with your ability to understand the meaning of `KNEW` and the future event of ` gets to go on dole`. Keep trying, if you still can not understand me, no big deal. Keep on living in your make believe world.

`2. MY student? MY student attends college full time, AND works 20 hours in addition to raising her children. What do YOU have to say about it, beeyatch?`

First of all cut out this `beeyatch` stuff. It is unbecoming of a lady or am I assuming too much?

Send her to the school financial advisor to see what is the best option for her, working or go on dole. She does need to learn about birth control badly and to say no to male predators. Refer her to Atif`s article on condoms, or better yet read it to your whole class. Sounds like they all could use it.

I do not feel too optimistic about her three bastards` future though. Sorry.

#90, mannyd {``Refer her to Atif`s article on condoms``}

Manny Pai,
What about referring her to the updated version of the do number walla`s travelogue on dry humpin down under in the Amazon? Much better than havin three more.

Salim $ 89: ` all the time while he is pretending to be Alexander the Great in search of his Persian love. His Macedonian stance notwithstanding, one would almost believe him in his vows of heterosexuality. Anyway, I am glad that he discovered dry humpin down under in the Amazon.`

I think Boston is going to be full of `dry humpin` places now that Alex has been trained by the Amazonians.



Samina #88: Sorry but I can not follow your line of thought with so many myths coming out of your mind like moths to a flame.
No speako, wait wait, No habla illogico, no comprende ebonico, verbosityio or CUNY methodo of pomposy dissertationo.

atif, a 10 minute massage? Did you still have to pay for the whole hr for your premature ``happy ending`` ?

#92, Mannyd {``No speako, wait wait, No habla illogico, no comprende ebonico, verbosityio or CUNY methodo of pomposy dissertationo.``}
Man, Manny - that sounds so funny. LOL
The funnier thing is that even I understood it. :) And I don`t even speak Swahili.

#93, Chaltahai {``atif, a 10 minute massage? Did you still have to pay for the whole hr for your premature ``happy ending`` ?``}

Abey Walking Bhoosa, LOL
Yaar, you are getting funnier by the day. :) See, if you keep this up, we will have you farting through silk in no time.

Re: # 91: Anything is better than three more. Since this is Alex`s thread why promote other hustlers?

BY the way Professor Samina, I support free market solutions to social problem than having Big brother or Big Sister use Big Government to dictate norms. Please see Doctor Salim`s learned dissertations in his Ilogs on the self correcting mechanism of the `girl child` abortion problem in Punjab. On second thoughts, forget it, they are too involved for you to comprehend.

#96, Mannyd,

The fair and short Macedonian got the four-handed rub-a-dub-dub in Caracas and it sure beats the two-fisted sump-pump of New England. Let`s not confuse him with more options. :)

No sense in educating the dimwit professore salvatore about the female infanticide problem. I just wished that they had sonograms when she was in the caboose.

Re: # 95; Salim, farting through silk is fine as long as you are on the other side. :p

Atif

This joke fits right with your article and on this board of yours:

Three little ducks go into a Bar...

``Say, what`s your name?`` the bartender asked the first duck.

``Huey,`` was the reply.

``How`s your day been, Huey?``

``Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?`` said Huey.

``Oh. That`s nice,`` said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, ``Hi, and what`s your name?``

``Dewey,`` came the answer from duck number two.

``So how`s your day been, Dewey?`` he asked.

``Great. Lovely day. I`ve had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?``

The bartender turned to the third duck and said, ``So you must be Louie?``

``No,`` she said, batting her eyelashes.

``My name is Puddles.``

#99; Godot sahib, that was so funny.

#98, Chaltahai {``Re: # 95; Salim, farting through silk is fine as long as you are on the other side.``}

Abey Walking Bhoosa,
Saala apne baap ki ghanTi bajaata he. :)

I know it`s hard for you to do these things alone, but I will be glad to hold your hand as you gain the courage to eventually fart all by yourself. Consider it vapor training. :)

#99, Godot, Enjoyed that one, cute and very funny - Puddles :)
Three mice were drinking heavily in the bar, when suddenly one mouse looked at his watch and said ``I got to leave - I am visiting my mistress and hope to engage in some sex tonight.`` The second mouse also got up and said ``Me too. I am going home to have sex with my wife, but first I am stopping to see my mistress and have sex with her.`` The third mouse had already gotten up and was putting on his coat, when the two asked him, ``And where are you going?`` The third mouse replied. ``Me. I am going home to fuck the cat.``

Re: # 101: salim what is this baap ki ghanti? I would ask my baap but he died a decade ago. Do tell... love, Chaltahai

Re: # 102

Salim

For a moment I thought the third mouse was going to have sex with the second mouse`s wife since the second mouse was heading towards his mistress!

But a mouse screwing a cat is quite daring--objective, the word we know from Kamath`s board--I m must say!

Re: # 104; the actual joke is as such

Three mice are sitting in a bar talking about how tough they are. The first mouse slams down a shot and says, ``I play with mouse traps for fun. I`ll run into one on purpose and as it`s closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.`` And with that he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams down a shot and says, ``That`s nothing. I take those Decon tablets, cut `em up, and snort `em just for the fun of it.`` And with that he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams down a shot, gets up and walks away. The first two mice look at each other, and then turn to the third mouse and ask, ``Where the hell are you going?``

The third mouse stops and replies, ``I`m going home to fuck the cat.``

someone should do a real-experience article on massage in karachi ( or juhu beach just for balance)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/2683721.stm

Men-only world of Pakistan massage