Se Agapo

brother raw_dust,

Why is your email not working?

Re: # 5
tintin ( do you have a dog called Snowy)
The Elvis revelation was a joke . -) You should have put a ``to be continued``. It would be nice to read further. All the best.

Zahra,
you just ends abruptly.I was expecting something like bang from mamajani
write more and complete it.

nice piece!!

This isn`t the complete story.....it is the first part only. Not even the entire first part that is.
I have been working on this since some time and I wanted to get a lil feedback....considering how long it took to get here, I had forgotten all about it!

#1 swarrier: no, the revelation is not Elvis at all! The revelation would come later...if I send the later part for publication on chowk.

#3 Raw_Dust: the left part is the prpoer base with offices and all. The right part is where the residences and all are.

Farheen

by the way.. good writing.. i specially like your depicting the city as a character...

if you made entry at night by train.. you will experience the same breathtaking effect ..looking from the train window or even better.. from the carriage-door.. :).. just on the outskirts of pak. steel mills and passing Tando Adam.. the city appears like a giant ocean of lights shimmering on the horizon...

#2:
i think, the narrator was cut out of the story by mamajani character so although he was narrating, he didnt have the full control. :-)

and by the way, shouldnt the BASE part of the PAF Faisal be on the left side of sharea faisal heading towards Hotel Metropole.? on the right is the school and empty warehouses (a decoy prolly to keep occupying one of the prime real estate in the city)

You have a very vivid style of writing and combining past and present. But, seriously, I am quite perplexed. What was the story? Did I miss something or did the editor remove a whole paragraph? :)

Decent narration , though it seemed to end a trife too abruptly. I understood the ``Se Agapo`` bit, but where was the revelation? Not Elvis, I hope?