Deranged Arranged Marriages

Ager koi zindagi mien koi Guna kerta hia toh uss ki saza uss ko Desi Family mien payada ho ker milti hia.

Re: # 42
Because once you`re married, its all the same. Love goes out the window because you are too busy trying to adjust to everything all at once.

Wrong. May be because I am not married, and may be because of that I have some strange, idealistic conceptions about marriage, but I`d rather be a lonely, old, single guy than be trapped in a loveless marriage.

There is a hell of a difference b/w seeing each other every single day for 5 years and talking on the phone etc etc and actually having to wake up next to the same person EVERY single day.

Agreed. But then why would you want to wake up next to a person whom you don`t love every day?

My parents have been married for 35 years and yes they are happy because they still talk to each other without getting ready to kill one another. And yeh they even joke and laugh together. After 35 years, i`d say thats an achievement

Absolutely. It is an achievement no doubt. But it was possible only because they are in love.

I think this whole debate whether arranged marraige is better or love (whatever that is) is just too overrated. Because once you`re married, its all the same. Love goes out the window because you are too busy trying to adjust to everything all at once. Most of all you have to get used to each other. I know, because I dated the man I married for 10 years on and off and have been married for 2. AND YET he still surprises me. There are times when I think ``WHO is this monster?`` because he sounds nothing like the man i knew. But then he is sure I`m schizo. So we all have our moments. There is a hell of a difference b/w seeing each other every single day for 5 years and talking on the phone etc etc and actually having to wake up next to the same person EVERY single day. Desi parents will always be the same. Just have fun with it. In the end, the decision is one`s own. I mean, unless the man is a spoonfed little puppy who cannot even make the decision of what to wear unless mummy says what to wear, he should be able to make up his mind about what kind of a woman he wants. And belive it or not, arranged marraiges do work. Alot of them do anyway. But nowadays its more like like/arranged/sort of know kinda marraiges. My parents have been married for 35 years and yes they are happy because they still talk to each other without getting ready to kill one another. And yeh they even joke and laugh together. After 35 years, i`d say thats an achievement considering they had`nt seen each other untill the wedding day! Now that doesnt happen always. You will never find EXACTLY what you`re looking for, but you might get lucky and find someone similar to your dream woman/man. It is just a matter of perception. I do not think one should rely on parents for such a decision but one should not also disregard their opnions or concerns. Afterall, they are wiser and I believe as long as they do not impose their choice/views on us, they can actually give sound advice. And there is no shame in following that advice, no matter how westernized one gets.

Nice job, Mr Asad haider. Arranged marriages are a curse and they are absolutely a business transaction and a way for control freak desi parents to keep the reins of their children`s lives in their hands.

[Sickka this article]

nice..

starting portion of the article is funny and it is nice to hear some young voices.

my two cents:

i would disagree that women are treated like property in a arranged marriage. both the parties have a right to say no and it is not rare that the girl`s side find the guy unsuitable and reject the offer. so both sides are looking for their best interest and have equal say in the yes/no.

Dear May,

I don`t wish to argue with you anymore, because nevermind what i say you dont get it, you still want to argue and fight about nonsense... *sigh* i hope you have a happy Arranged marriage and live happily ever after, you were trying to make it seem like i have started a revolution and suddenly everyone`s dating and getting married behind their parents backs... i dont know if you read it properly, but i said i would NEVER i repeat, and please dont bring it back up again cause ill have no hope left for you, i would NEVER go and marry behind my parent`s back and say hey im married, im against arranged marriages and thats how i think, i would want to get to know the person and then bring the person home so my parents can go and make the baat pakki... its the way it should be, and its the way the ``purest of marriages`` was done and btw i didnt even understand half the things you were saying... so watever,

I end this waste of my time and yours, simply by saying this,

you have your opinion and goodluck to you and your marriage, and I hope you get happiness the way you want it, I am entitled to my own opinion and it will remain that way and im pretty sure ill find happiness in my way. so I hope you dont come out with anything else to say after this, you live in your ignorance, and i live in mine, i believe im right and you believe you are. But i can assure you, once you`re married Inshallah, once you get into the commitment, your views will change... as did mine.

haha!! this was a good one :)
the way our parents..poke n probe us..my mom, for instance..suspected/suspects that ive got a Punjabi boyfriend just because i was listenin to the Punjabi dance hits! :p its funny really..
and the part abt `looking normal` after exams really cracked me up! hahaha!!

Re: # 24

This is my final response to you,

-Thank God! I`v argued anuf with goofs!

because your lack of research is now getting to me

- n ur lack of understandin n puerile behaviour 2 me

and your points are just ridiculous

- I thought the article was supposed 2 b that! :^

and AGAIN, i am proposing that people get to know eachother a lil better before you get the parents involved...

lov is not knowin eachother a `lil` better.n that can b done AFTER gettin ur parents involved too,u kno.

in answer to your question...

``By the time he was twenty-five, Muhammad (SAWW) had become well known in the city for the integrity of his disposition and the honesty of his character. A rich widow, Khadijah, took him in her employ and consigned to him her goods to be taken for sale to Syria. Delighted with the unusual profits she obtained as also by the personal charms of her agent, she offered him her hand.``

http://www.muhammad.net/bio/profbio.html

-I think he was tellin a hindu that...cuz I already kno it.

I knew this already

-Hey! Guess wat...SO DID I!!!ROTFL! Sorry 2 say but,u wasted ur time bud.

but I researched it just to make sure, i checked about 5 sources, everyone has the same account, so SHE proposed to our Prophet, AFTER getting to know Him,

-Plz read with ur eyes fully open cuz I`v already mentioned that in my prev post n i don`t lik sayin it again n again.I didn`t want 2 use the words DATIN n GOIN OUT, u kno.

no parents involved,

- cuz they had no parents.By parents I mean guardians.the HOLY PROPHET( sallalahu alaihi wasallum)`s Grand father read the Nikah nama (Marriage contract).His ,as well as her, family knew abt their marriage-Contrary to wat u say...`run away with or bring home some bitch!`

they approved of eachother first

-they did n in Islam u can`t marry without eachothers consent,BUt that surely DOESN`T mean that u fall in lov,run away n marry some1 WITHOUT ur parents` consent or bring her home sayin ``Hey dad! Kno wat? I M MARRIED!!!

and dont you think if it was arranged... the parents would pick someone the Prophet`s same age and she already had children before the marriage.

- No,I don`t think that way cuz even in arrange mariage u hav 2 giv ur approval.ur second part wud b adultery n thats DISGUSTIN (not a part of arrange marriage but of lovmarriages)


Its uninformed people like you with a closed mind that refuse to accept what they`ve been spoonfed all their life

-n ppl sufferin 4m inferiority complex like U (who think doin lov marriage will make them open-minded) who don`t even feel ashamed of wantin 2 betray their parents who fed them all their lives that cause our society 2 deteriorate.Mayb u`ll lik it more if u were an orphan.

refusing to think outside the box and accepting things as they come,

-thats wat ur doin rite now isn`t it?

you cant be so passive...

-really?

its people like you that are going to be the death of any intelligent argument and the birth
of mindless wars between muslims or any other race for that matter....

- intelligent argument ROTFL!!! n ppl were tellin me that it was just a funny article nothi 2 b serious abt.Every1 here givin his INTELLIGENT posts just says ``it was funny`` or ``Enjoyed it``
This INTELLIGENT argument started after I criticized ur way of thinkin (which I hav the rite to).u just lik 2 hear the sound of applause ringin in ur ears,but refuse 2 get criticized.If u come up with an article n a thought 2 share with ppl, u shud also hav the guts 2 accept the criticism that u get.

Re: # 29

I completely agree!

Re: # 21
Are you so shoked by the news of your uncle`s marriage that not only have you forgotten to eat, but also to how to write?

Oh! I m sorry! mayb i shud`v annouced it in the mosque that i type this way.I hope it didn`t kill any1.r u still aliv godbole? Mayb not...

it was really good..... my mom behaved in same manner.......she always said she belive me but........it was really funny
vs

Re: # 30

Well she didnt ``taste`` the grape before buying the bunch, obviously, neither should everyone else `technically` but then again everyone has their own beliefs... but the point was that she knew of him, knew what he was like and talked to him before getting married...

So it wasnt a blind investment, she didnt just grab a grape off the floor and eat it, she looked at it before she trusted it enough to have it nourish her for the rest of her life.

#24 yeah, but did she taste the grape before buying the bunch?

I dissent.R u Ridicule Parents Love , Affection and Protection that they have and looking for their childrens?

Normally When we make our own decision for marriage , the worst considering factor is only BEAUTY of some samina bitch or someone like that . Beauty can be one factor but not the only one to live a happy marriage life.

Contrary to our parents , we are naive , unexperienced and don`t have enought foresight for this momentous decison of our life.

Our Parents are best Decison Makers ..What is best for us and our family.

Heed ur parent otherwise in real some bitch will trap you.

I don`t care if you say it backward backward Pakistani thought.


Faiz