Deranged Arranged Marriages

Ager koi zindagi mien koi Guna kerta hia toh uss ki saza uss ko Desi Family mien payada ho ker milti hia.

I think this whole debate whether arranged marraige is better or love (whatever that is) is just too overrated. Because once you`re married, its all the same. Love goes out the window because you are too busy trying to adjust to everything all at once. Most of all you have to get used to each other. I know, because I dated the man I married for 10 years on and off and have been married for 2. AND YET he still surprises me. There are times when I think ``WHO is this monster?`` because he sounds nothing like the man i knew. But then he is sure I`m schizo. So we all have our moments. There is a hell of a difference b/w seeing each other every single day for 5 years and talking on the phone etc etc and actually having to wake up next to the same person EVERY single day. Desi parents will always be the same. Just have fun with it. In the end, the decision is one`s own. I mean, unless the man is a spoonfed little puppy who cannot even make the decision of what to wear unless mummy says what to wear, he should be able to make up his mind about what kind of a woman he wants. And belive it or not, arranged marraiges do work. Alot of them do anyway. But nowadays its more like like/arranged/sort of know kinda marraiges. My parents have been married for 35 years and yes they are happy because they still talk to each other without getting ready to kill one another. And yeh they even joke and laugh together. After 35 years, i`d say thats an achievement considering they had`nt seen each other untill the wedding day! Now that doesnt happen always. You will never find EXACTLY what you`re looking for, but you might get lucky and find someone similar to your dream woman/man. It is just a matter of perception. I do not think one should rely on parents for such a decision but one should not also disregard their opnions or concerns. Afterall, they are wiser and I believe as long as they do not impose their choice/views on us, they can actually give sound advice. And there is no shame in following that advice, no matter how westernized one gets.

Re: # 42
Because once you`re married, its all the same. Love goes out the window because you are too busy trying to adjust to everything all at once.

Wrong. May be because I am not married, and may be because of that I have some strange, idealistic conceptions about marriage, but I`d rather be a lonely, old, single guy than be trapped in a loveless marriage.

There is a hell of a difference b/w seeing each other every single day for 5 years and talking on the phone etc etc and actually having to wake up next to the same person EVERY single day.

Agreed. But then why would you want to wake up next to a person whom you don`t love every day?

My parents have been married for 35 years and yes they are happy because they still talk to each other without getting ready to kill one another. And yeh they even joke and laugh together. After 35 years, i`d say thats an achievement

Absolutely. It is an achievement no doubt. But it was possible only because they are in love.

Nice job, Mr Asad haider. Arranged marriages are a curse and they are absolutely a business transaction and a way for control freak desi parents to keep the reins of their children`s lives in their hands.

[Sickka this article]

nice..

starting portion of the article is funny and it is nice to hear some young voices.

my two cents:

i would disagree that women are treated like property in a arranged marriage. both the parties have a right to say no and it is not rare that the girl`s side find the guy unsuitable and reject the offer. so both sides are looking for their best interest and have equal say in the yes/no.

Dear May,

I don`t wish to argue with you anymore, because nevermind what i say you dont get it, you still want to argue and fight about nonsense... *sigh* i hope you have a happy Arranged marriage and live happily ever after, you were trying to make it seem like i have started a revolution and suddenly everyone`s dating and getting married behind their parents backs... i dont know if you read it properly, but i said i would NEVER i repeat, and please dont bring it back up again cause ill have no hope left for you, i would NEVER go and marry behind my parent`s back and say hey im married, im against arranged marriages and thats how i think, i would want to get to know the person and then bring the person home so my parents can go and make the baat pakki... its the way it should be, and its the way the ``purest of marriages`` was done and btw i didnt even understand half the things you were saying... so watever,

I end this waste of my time and yours, simply by saying this,

you have your opinion and goodluck to you and your marriage, and I hope you get happiness the way you want it, I am entitled to my own opinion and it will remain that way and im pretty sure ill find happiness in my way. so I hope you dont come out with anything else to say after this, you live in your ignorance, and i live in mine, i believe im right and you believe you are. But i can assure you, once you`re married Inshallah, once you get into the commitment, your views will change... as did mine.

haha!! this was a good one :)
the way our parents..poke n probe us..my mom, for instance..suspected/suspects that ive got a Punjabi boyfriend just because i was listenin to the Punjabi dance hits! :p its funny really..
and the part abt `looking normal` after exams really cracked me up! hahaha!!

it was really good..... my mom behaved in same manner.......she always said she belive me but........it was really funny
vs

#24 yeah, but did she taste the grape before buying the bunch?

Re: # 30

Well she didnt ``taste`` the grape before buying the bunch, obviously, neither should everyone else `technically` but then again everyone has their own beliefs... but the point was that she knew of him, knew what he was like and talked to him before getting married...

So it wasnt a blind investment, she didnt just grab a grape off the floor and eat it, she looked at it before she trusted it enough to have it nourish her for the rest of her life.

I dissent.R u Ridicule Parents Love , Affection and Protection that they have and looking for their childrens?

Normally When we make our own decision for marriage , the worst considering factor is only BEAUTY of some samina bitch or someone like that . Beauty can be one factor but not the only one to live a happy marriage life.

Contrary to our parents , we are naive , unexperienced and don`t have enought foresight for this momentous decison of our life.

Our Parents are best Decison Makers ..What is best for us and our family.

Heed ur parent otherwise in real some bitch will trap you.

I don`t care if you say it backward backward Pakistani thought.


Faiz

Re: # 29

I completely agree!

By #23 by Fizza : Thats what I was trying to convey through... Well renowned Editor with power conscience attitude have done the harm and so..the examplery is self depictive..But the false censureship and biased policies remain alive even the if editor Runs Away without any explanation as which she proclaimed herself once when was circleted to be owner of all blacks and whites of this site...And the leftovers of hers (Baaqiat) are still as much obnoxious and unruly as had been under her official observance status...

The acting ones have no courage to undo the unfair, biased happenings with much of interactors whose work has been pushed out of their hands and sight with extremist discrimination. Whereby the fouls are set an example to rule and judge.

My fight for my work of years will continue and is not going to change with change of ruling faces unless and until I am told and convinced that this site is a propriety of private business holders who own the bundles of work of free-minds and can sabotage creativity with one stab of policy of their ruling stick.

I hope you understand what I am saying...

droll indeed. i dont get one thing..where do you find these girls from ``good families`` who are ``educated`` and yet claim to know cooking? this just sounds unreal.