Dilemma of Mixed Unions

Freethinker:

This is a weird read. I read one article by Dr. Khalid Sohail on this ezine. If these are the things he is raising in ``When a believer....`` I will make sure that I do not browse through that story.

[In spite of my agnosticism, my wife’s traditional orthodox Muslim life style and my children’s receiving their early education in a Catholic Junior High School, my children chose to remain traditional Muslims of their own volition.]

I have yet to read anything by you where one could locate any semblance of agnosticism. You may consider yourself one, but your writings convey a different message. I only see a traditional Muslim in your writings. I guess you have been *truly* influenced by your wife :)

[If circumcision were such a big issue for the woman, she should have brought it up for candid discussion before going too deep into her relationship. Likewise, they should have discussed how they would raise their children and into what religion (or without it), before stepping across the threshold.]

I cannot believe what I am reading. This is an unreasonable and unrealistic expectation!

#18 - Arjun_m
I guess you have been spending too much time on Chowk investigating interactors and their leanings. Are you conducting some analysis for a research lab? Or it`s just the same old psycho-analysis?

#16 - Sattar
[The whole damn institution of marriage is a bloody mess...]
Really? I thought real men knew how to exercise their options! You have been whining for quite sometime on Chowk regarding the said issue. Probably, you should consult Dr. Khalid Sohail. There is a reason why Chowk`s administration decided to host his articles :)

#2 by Urstruly on January 25, 2006 11:19am PT

You`ve accepted Uncle Sam suzerainty over that of allah...doesn`t that make you a non-muslim(non-believer) as well? considering that your tax money is going to kill muslim homies back in Pakiland and Iraq...

The husband, rightly or wrongly, equated circumcision to genital mutilation.
I didn’t realize that the male circumcision could become such an acrimonious issue


Hospitals in the US give out newborn information kits that list the benefits of circumcision..don`t know where the ``atheist`` got that information from..


Usually, it is expected that a non-believer is more rational and hence should be more accommodating than the religious partner.


It`s one thing to accomodate your spouse not eating pork/beef...It`s a whole another thing to agree to the circumcision if you think it`s harmful...

Gill Sahib,

Why blame circumcision … the whole damn institution of marriage is a bloody mess. Nowadays it’s only homosexuals who want to get married … only because they are not allowed to do so. It is a perverted political statement of sorts. But if given a chance to actually get married, they would probably rethink. The only other type that wants to get married are ones with a nostalgic bedouin outlook …

Coming back to the gay issue: It is shocking to see people harp about the sanctity of marriage … and listing why them faggots shouldn’t be allowed to marry. And what #$%^ing sanctity is left in a marriage anyway … when most couples are sick of waking up with each other, are having affairs left and right, or are going broke with alimony …

Circumcision is once in a life time issue … but what about the daily bickering over credit card bills and picking up groceries. And I have not even mentioned the dreadful in-laws yet … !!! How does one deal with these on daily basis?? And none of this has anything to do with religion … except that the mother-in-law is the closest thing to an anti-christ that I can think of …

I say the mother needs to chill. If circumcision was such a big deal, she should have thought of it in the first place. I guess drinking lots of vinegar and sleeping on her left side did not work. I say, let the kid grow up … and let him do it to himself if he wants. And if he ends up getting an Uzbek catalogue bride, she would do it to him before he knows it ... once she gets her green card. And if he insists on becoming a muslim later on, Urstruly would do it to him anyway … so the mother has nothing to worry about. But if she is not getting enough sex ... and that`s making her irritable, it`s a different issue ...

Urstruly …

... if you can’t talk sense, shut the #$%^ up …

A point of the article seems to be that the author has a good life with the choices that he made or the choices that he let others make. A few more details of him and that delusion can be laid to rest.

His ideas of `ideal` behaviours and answers to complex queries are also problematic. When asked, `what religion am I`, the answer should have been, `Son, how should I know what YOUR religion is`. <-- kaka`s ideal answer.

The following is a particularly idiotic observation:

`He may choose to bring up their children in unbelief but in due time when the children are able to make their own decisions, it’s quite possible that they might choose not to follow in his footsteps.`

.
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Circumcision is not prescribed by the Quran. It is a semitic practise, creeping its way into medical approval. The argument of bodily mutilation is a good one and all would do well to read up on that.

3 by chaltahai

If Urstruly forgot, `Mein hoon naan`.

nasah:
Dr. Sohail did not calrify the cultural background of the atheist husband. I agree with you it is an important factor to understand his attitude. Dr. Sohail might help to clarify this point if he happened to read your or my post.
Mohammad Gill

re: 11

Agreed.

I know of four cases where a muslim woman married a hindu man.

One case, both professionals live in the U.S., the woman became hindu... everything turned out to be fine. She is well respected and loved and has powerful presence in the extended family. Interestingly, woman`s parents accepted it as well. A very happy family.

Second case, both professionals live in the U.S., the woman remained Muslim, and they brought their children giving spritual values of both religions. Girls father was a prominent Muslim justice in Hydrabad. The had made a pact that they will never let a third person interfere or talk to anyone of them alone on issues related to marriage, religion of the children etc. A very happy family.

Third case, muslim woman a prefessional, boy from industrial family, not living in the U.S. Woman chose to remain muslim. A lot of interference from boys rich parents. Destroyed the family.

Fourth case, both professional, live in the U.S., the woman muslim to areligious, and boy hindu to a religious. Parents of the both, accepted each other and adored them as the family member. Boy had a roving eye, destroyed the family. The woman remarried a Pakistani muslim and happy.

I think if the couple are strong, keep outside pressures away, and not let their life turn into a debate, or gossip subject, they will be happier and will feel renewal of the bond more frequently than others couples.

Anil Kapuria

#5 nasah

Interesting story and a little bit sad...

It is a serious error to think that the USA is ``culturally`` a secular society. It is a christian country with extremely strong ``legal`` rules for managing religous issues. It is legally secular but not culturally secular. The normative direction of a person without faith/agnostic etc. is christian.

This is one reason, why, tho` I am not religous AND in an inter-faith relationship we are careful to expose our kids to our traditions in some detail.

kaal

It`s a common human fallacy - to get attracted towards the ``big man in the sky``..... tragic but not surprising at all.

re: nasah # 6

Don`t know why but I find that story quite tragic....a secular man siring children who end up believing in Jesus as mankind`s only savior :)

nasah

Interesting story :)

Gill Sahib -- you did not tell us what was the religious or ethnic background of the `unbeliever` husband who was opposed to circumcision -- it would have helped if you did.

one of my Muslim secularist friends from India -- who used to sing ``Hindu nu banega nu mussalman bune gaa -- Insan ki aulad hai insaan bunay gaa`` -- deliberately did not give any religious or ethnic or cultural education to his children whatsoever.

He used to tell me that after partition the killings based on faith made him so mad that he took a vow that when he raises his children they will be neither Muslim nor Hindus

well in USA he did exactly that -- his children became neither Hindus nor Mussalmans...

....but his children`s children became Christians......now how could that happen in a secular upbringing???

.....because the PARENTS of his children`s SPOUSES had sung another song to THEIR children -- Hindu nu banaygaa nu Mussulman bunay gaa -- Issai ki aulad hai Issai bunay gaa...........:)

luckily the `unbeleiving` man believes children are children whether they are Hindus, Mussalmans, Christian, Jews Sikh Buddhists or Pagans etc etc.....to sleep better at night....:)

Urstruly #2

`` Islam strictly prohibits marrying a Kaffir i.e. atheist. Therefore, in first case, mentioned in this article, the marriage did not take place if the man openly declares his religion of ```unbelief``. The Muslim woman has been living in sin and must separate from this man immediately. She must seek forgiveness from Allah for committing this grave sin knowingly or unknowingly. The Muslim community must help her find a suitable Muslim as a spouse. ``

I am sure this is worst thing you could find on this planet

[quote]
S described an interesting case of one of his friends. Baidar Bakht, his friend who is an engineer and a writer, is a Muslim from India. His wife, Anita, comes from a Hindu family. Bakht’s daughter asked him one day, “Dad, what religion am I?” Bakht told her, “Look, you have an opportunity to learn about three religions in your life: your father’s religion, Islam, your mother’s religion, Hinduism, and your friends’ religion, Christianity. Why don’t you learn the basics of all three religions and not make a decision yet. When you become old enough then you can choose your own religion. There aren’t very many people who get a chance like that.”
[quote]

Isssssh. Truly disgusting. Only people from a fascist and depraved culture like hinudisthan could behave like this. Thank goodness in Iran, Saudi Arabi and Pakistan this kind of filth is not tolerated.

And this baidar bakht is a muslim? A descendant of lusty warriors? Sucking up to his kafir wife like a hindu hijra! ooooof, it would be enough to drive me mad. Who knows he may even have idols of kuli maaaa or savfratoiri devi in his house!!

He should tell her to convert or get rid of her double quick. The idols should be destroyed in front of the children and the great example of Abraham recalled. Of course, the kids should remain with the father and follow the correct path. Any sane person would see that as the only possible path.

Urstruly: why not offer your services directly?? What are you waiting for.