The Pakistani American Hunt

A good article.
In addition to the above -

1. our society has grown in an environment where material gains are valued. Even educated masses (the boy`s family considers marriage a pay check..an opportunity to cash back the efforts put into the grooming the child..the degree hard earned at the American University..)
SOLUTION - Expect Less - (but this is a realm of impossibility)

2. The art of compromise misses altogether today..the Male considers to be a benefactor altogether..the female has to adjust with the conventional structure where females are a degree less..
SOLUTION - marking out a strategy..a workplan..mutually which would be adhered to..

3. Saas Bahoo problems crop up in the modest and educated of families..Saasoo geez and Bahoo geez need counselling on broad based on a social and community level..to change the mind sets..and this seems quite faraway..and is hallucinating..

4. Balances need to be defined..tolerance is zero..as hard as rocks are people now..which makes strenous the relationship they are forging into..

5. Internet is altogether a sham to date..anonymity has its boon and bane..and latter the more..however..internet is no gauge to judge people across the board..
Internet however comes into a relationship when it is formed..not an end but means to a blissful end..

6. The educated-siblings-going-their-way make a drastic mistake..Parents have an inborn insight..developed years after rearing their own children..they know better which girl / boy is fit..
own choices have statistics which the bride`s families wouldn`t dare to give a look..
Internet Shaadiyaan..seems so naive and childish and out of the way..NO WAY..!!!!!!!!

7.Its already high time the elders be given the responsibility to look over the social malices and that their remedies be acceptable to all and sundry - another rarity..of course..

PERIOD..

Informative article. Helpful for Pakis to marry off their girls. But what it highlights is that the muslims in western countries do not assimilate in the population. They prefer to live outside the main stream of the society. Exactly this is happening in India. Muslims mindsets must change for the good of all.

This is a very timely and well-written article. Excellent observations. Yours truly was also in the Land of the Pure last month for the same purpose (to get married). Many disappointments and a possible heart-break (Hahahaha!!!). After reading this article I have decided to write my own account of my `sojourn` tonight. Keep checking and .... if CHOWK is as fast as they claim then you should see something within the next 36-48 hours. Stay tuned and those CHOWKIES interested in Politics, check out my first article on CHOWK as well. Thank you.

This essay is making a lot of assumptions, some valid, while other purely based on the writer’s experience.

This is what I got out of it:
- Pakistanis are a very insular migrant group (I feel the same way).
- Hard to find compatible matches (not unique to Pakistanis only).

Some of the other stuff is purely personal observation, and may not necessarily hold true in other places. For example, and I quote:

>>>>.. the divorce rate among Pakistani men and America-born women is very high<<<<

It is personal observation at best.

Additionally,

>>>>In Islamic centers, the restrictions go beyond any rational boundaries. This causes a great confusion in the minds of young people and results in a complete vacuum where young people do not understand anything about one another. The result is an increase in inter-racial marriages among low-income people.<<<

any study to support that? I think this assumption is ludicrous at best.

>>>I am not advocating free mixing of boys and girls like the common American social scene. I believe we should provide a forum where young people can see each other under supervision. Islamic centers, community organizations can easily provide such forums that do not violate any religious injunctions.<<<.

That’s some wishful thinking there isn’t it? Kids seeing each other under supervision by Islamic centers? I think for kids who are looking to find a mate, Islamic centers should be the last place they should look towards. They should go out when they are 18 and look for themselves.

However, a good topic for discussion.

``In Islamic centers, the restrictions go beyond any rational boundaries. This causes a great confusion in the minds of young people and results in a complete vacuum where young people do not understand anything about one another. The result is an increase in inter-racial marriages among low-income people. ..``

A bizarre bit of logic-please discuss interracial and cross class marriages in an intelligent manner.

Samina Ji,, I am also waiting for the writer to explain this phenomenon of the increase in the “low income inter-racial marriages”. Is there such a thing? I think may be he is alluding to “paper marriages” that some Desis do for green card. And may be his theory of High Divorce rate is also emanating from that conjecture? Who knows, I have seen more inter-racially happy couples than Homoracial (is there such a term?) unions – or same race. The divorce rate in this country is one in every other marriage ending in less than 3 years – I think by any measure, cross-cultural marriages have much lower divorce rate.

I guess all these problems rise because the parents want to pick and choose for their children instead of the other way around. Best thing would be to let your kids find their mates. Give them a guide line, like he/she should be a practicing Muslim and then leave the rest to them.

What percentage of Pakistanis are ``fair`` ?

Do Pakistanis really think marriages with Arabs, Malay/Indonesians would really work ? Iranians and Turks would seem too ethno-centric to be considered by Pakistanis. Sorry to stereotype I doubt any Pakistani would queue up to marry a Black African Muslim.

This is a very important topic for parents like myself

and especially for our children.

Supervised gatherings are one answer.

We are open to all kinds of workable ideas.

Naseeb.com?

Ras

Re: # 8

[What percentage of Pakistanis are ``fair`` ?]

In order to solve this question, you need to know the % of ``not-so-fair`` Indians. Apparently, the results are equal to each other :)

Re: # 9

Ras: I am very disappointed to read your post. Supervised Gatherings??? Are you really serious? That is such a traditional and backward concept/thinking. The very thought of supervised gatherings would even make our forward thinking and visionary *hindu* ancestors turn in their graves :))) Being a writer, how could you impose conditions on anyone? Please do care to revisit your perspectives on the said subject.

Re: # 9

I heard of this aunty in D.C who used to invite young professional pakistani men and women to mingle in her home. From what I gather, it didn`t work. Unfortunately, raised here or there, Pakistanis tend to be uptight in social gatherings.

One more thing, from what I`ve heard from my Karachi/Lahore dwelling friends is that the divorce rate in Pakistan is equally rising. I don`t think you can make the assumption that Pakistani Americans are more prone to divorce.

Nasim,

This topic is quite catchy but slightly misleading. In my view, the Pakistani Americans should open their hearts and minds to whites, pale yellows and mixed African Americans (they can be very very very sweet - I want to point out the hispanic combination). Life would be simpler and fun in a pluralistic society.

Re: # 14

Zahra, what about African Americans and Native Americans?

I recently have seen two divorces among the peoples belonging to these two cultures among the DESI cult.

The fast forward approach and superiority complex of ABCD culture and learning curve for a FOB in Amreeci-desi society is one of the issue newly wed couple deal in marriages like that. The cross-cultural clashes among marriages between ABCD and DESIS are tough to overcome consider the fact that most marriage are arrange.

Nevertheless, being different (I don’t mean being stupid and annoying) has its own charms if bride and groom take there time and develop love and respect for each other.

Rukna ho to soo bahanay
Jana ho to raastay baray hain