Muslims in Infidelistan: A Ready Reckoner

Haider5 #428, {``i am reading your article for last two days reason is that you have so much feedback for this article. i am a paki and it is our habit that we get involved ourselves in things where so many people are involved just to see why they are involved? but reading your article i am so much impressed by your sense of humour that i feel that you are a travel agent. and specially it made me laugh (though i laughed on the whole article) ...after reading it i beleive only once you visited the Greece or Athens (was abused?) ...chauhaan bhai i am really thanfull to you that you said there are 97.6% terrorist are muslims and did not say that there are 97.6% muslims are terrorist. it would be the obvious reason to attack the whole muslim world for America. yaar i am afraid of american wrath....the time is against muslims without saying inshaalah the time will come when the day would be in our favour till then subterfuge, masquerade, and camouflage will be our salvation as per our most humorous and witty article writer slim chauhaan.

chauhaan bhai why have you been so touchy and serious about muslims at the end of your article and forged a salvation programme. it shows your senserity to muslim community. you are great paa ji and i am your fan in true sense and not ceiling fan, hoping to read more and more articles of such level.
ghulam haider ``}


Haider Sahib, mere bhai,
What a wonderful name you have. I have always liked the name ``Haider,`` especially because it has to do with Imam Ali, the brave and decent human being, who was a true follower of The Holy Prophet (PBUH). The only problem is that in the west, there is a girl`s name, Heather, that could cause some issues for little boys named ``Haider`` in school. Sir, thank you very much for laughing and enjoying - as I have said many times, that is what makes my day. To bring laughter, while making a point, and then to benefit from more laughter in return is what human interaction is all about.

I laughed so hard about your insinuation that my advice about not performing Sijda in Greece is based on personal experience. Yes, I have been to several places in Greece and while I did not perform Sijda there, I did worry about what to do if I dropped some money on the ground. Thank God I did not drop any such funds. My advice to people traveling to Greece is not to drop any money. If you do, under no circumstances should you bend over to pick it up, especially if it`s some coins, a dollar bill, or even a $5 dollar bill. Any amount of $20 or more is well worth the risk. No, I am not a travel agent, but in my next life, I would love to come back as an airline pilot - just for the travel aspect.

Thank you for noting the difference between 97.6% of terrorists being Muslim and the unacceptable charge of 97.6% of Muslims being terrorists. A few bad apples are making rotten applesauce for the rest of us. I am working on an article that you will find quite interesting.

My point about ``subterfuge, masquerade, and camouflage`` was a satire about the West`s inability to distinguish between normal every-day decent Musims and those who are bent upon killing themselves and everyone else. Living in Pakistan, you must appreciate the dangers to society posed by these suicidal maniacs. I am convinced that one day, Inshallah, the true spirit of Islam represented by peace, compassion, equality, justice, unity, tolerance, and forgiveness will prevail.

I found several comments that you made quite witty and humorous. It is fun receiving such encouraging and funny feedback.

Thank you very much and have a great evening.

Salim Ahmed Chauhan

#426, ZaharJ {`` re #414, delhiwala - This ain`t Delhi. Only speak for yourself. Don`t you dare to speak for others!``}

Dear Lady,
Mr. Dillidost is a good friend of mine and has many supporters on either side of the border. He has addressed me as a cousin and has been a source of encouragement and solid advice for me. He has every right to speak for me and I appreciate his kind words. People like Dillidost and Kaura are fine representatives of the Sikh faith. Too bad that you couldn`t be the same for Islam.

#425, ZahraJ,
Dear lady,
Your post is filled with venom and subjective rhetoric. Unfortunately, you don`t find it necessary to even read the article, as you have admitted several times now, before becoming its second leading critic. It`s obvious that you have pre-conceived opinions about people, topics, and humor. There is no pleasing you so let`s just call it a day.
Thanks for all your interacts.

hi mr. saleem chauhaan

i am reading your article for last two days reason is that you have so much feedback for this article. i am a paki and it is our habit that we get involved ourselves in things where so many people are involved just to see why they are involved? but reading your article i am so much impressed by your sense of humour that i feel that you are a travel agent. and specially it made me laugh (though i laughed on the whole article) but where your practical experience in true sense was involved when you said:

``As I advised earlier, please do not pray in public places. Under no circumstances should you perform sijda in Athens or any other place in Greece. If you must perform sijda, make sure that you use a strong wall or corner as a cover. For my Pathan and Sardarji friends, this means facing away from the wall or corner.``

after reading it i beleive only once you visited the Greece or Athens (was abused?) and came back with such a precious precautionary measure. joking yaar donot take it to your heart.

people are coming out with interesting interactions and for these interesting interactions you need an interesting article and here it is. congratulations for this.

chauhaan bhai i am really thanfull to you that you said there are 97.6% terrorist are muslims and did not say that there are 97.6% muslims are terrorist. it would be the obvious reason to attack the whole muslim world for America. yaar i am afraid of american wrath.

and now i want pay my full gratitude and hats off to the indians that they are happened to look alike paki muslims and sympthy to Sikh who look alike Muslims. this co incidence of looking alike indianz has saved our skin otherwise the whole picture must be different. i never went out of pakistan but whenever i move out i will camouflage as per your indian citizen description like having laptop not giving tips etc to avoid all immigration hardships. and would like to use some suffix with my name like chopra, tata, birla..............so on and so forth if you have some more please send me for future planning. at the end to pay hounour to this coincidence i am quoting a line from a qawwali

``naa miltaa agar yeh tauba ka sahara hum kahan jatay``

chauhan bhai beleive me we kept on living in pakistan if this coincidence had not happened.

apart from it chauhaan bhai the comedy or any expression of literature is reflection of a society and so is yours which compeled me (though i am not well travelled like you or well conversant like you) to feel that muslims who are not out of those 97.6% muslim terrorists are also in juxtapositioning of identities, isnt it. if so then i am quoting a saying of hazrat Ali encompassing the current situation:

``the history is of two days a day when time is in your favour and a day when time is against you``

the time is against muslims without saying inshaalah the time will come when the day would be in our favour till then subterfuge, masquerade, and camouflage will be our salvation as per our most humorous and witty article writer slim chauhaan.

chauhaan bhai why have you been so touchy and serious about muslims at the end of your article and forged a salvation programme. it shows your senserity to muslim community. you are great paa ji and i am your fan in true sense and not ceiling fan, hoping to read more and more articles of such level.

ghulam haider

Re: # 412

I do not like the look and feel of this post. It seems that an invisible and strange power is addressing the earthlings. Somehow I feel that this post is strongly influenced by Bollywood`s drama :) I wished we had the opportunity to see the ``jhalak`` earlier. Koi Baat Naheen.

Re: # 414

delhiwala - This ain`t Delhi. Only speak for yourself. Don`t you dare to speak for others!

Meethi Churi - Why would someone care about your views on any ilog? Who and what are you? Nothing, but an imposter! I am sorry but I simply cannot develop any respect for a person of your kind. To put it nicely, both you and your comprehension are a disgrace. Someone must be high on something to expect you to moderate any forum interacts. You are not even a civil human being. How can you introduce civil behavior anywhere? Any forum or culture or society that gives you this responsibility are to be blamed for their shortsightedness.

A final thought about the topic of hymenoplastie and the context in which we should understand it on Chowk. Suffice it to say that if someone researches an obscure topic, posts links to the repository of such information, and then places this whole research in one`s ilog, we have every right to presume that the person has more than a casual interest in the topic.

If we notice someone researching and posting links about nose jobs, shouldn`t we be expecting to find Cyrano De Bergerac in the neighborhood?

If this article hits the magic number of 500 posts, I am hiring a secretary. If you are one of my opponents, please send your devilish hate-mail to my secretary or make an appointment with her to get schooled by me at my convenience.

For my very good friends, especially Zeena and Aman, I am available at all times. So as not to sound sexist, the list of my very good friends also includes many male friends that are too many to repeat here.

Thanks to everyone for your support, feedback, and criticism.

#412, Chowk-Staff

Dear Editor:

{``In #88 you were among those addressed: “I would also like to remind everyone here, including the writer, that this is not UP. Kindly desist from in-house name-calling.” ``}

I did try in #91 and various other posts. I was really interested in genuine feedback and NOT this exchange of insults. If you notice, only Saminasha and ZahraJ have been persistent in pointing out why and how this article is not humorous. Furthermore, they have accused me of plagiarism, recycling, misogyny, anti-hymenoplastie, abuse of females in the holy month of March, and various other crimes.

I love, honor, and respect almost all the females in my life - wife, relatives, friends, and colleagues. I do not subscribe to male supremacy just as I do not agree with religious, ethnic, racial, or national superiority. On Chowk, I have both male and female friends, and yes I have had terrible altercations with both male and female opponents.

This particular article is not intentionally directed against any single gender, nationality, religion, or race. I have used my own original humor, without recourse to any research or external sources, to highlight the plight of those who suffer irrational indignities. It is sad that one or two interactors, out of sheer jealousy and long-term hatred, have perched on this forum to pollute it with irrelevant and baseless allegations. If one charge is refuted, they immediately move on to the next one, without bothering to apologize for the previous false claim.

{``As the writer you should have tried to moderate the board, instead of responding to every reply that came your way. Once your piece is up here, it becomes your responsibility to a large extent to sift out irrelevancies.``}

Unfortuantely, I don`t have the power to enforce chowk guidelines that you, and perhaps others, do. All I can do is request relevance from the interactors and appreciate their feedback and cooperation. The good news is that out of the many interactors who provided feedback, only two have been persistent in polluting this forum - and one of the two, self-admittedly, hasn`t even read the article. That should define her own sense of objectivity.

{``You do understand that not everyone will like what you have written. Unfortunately, it sometimes takes several posts for them to make their point. Instead of getting involved in this, you ought to have seen that several FP regulars, including our writers, had positive or at least critically studied comments to make. (You still do not know what I think, and I do not have to like everything I publish. This should be a lesson for those who shout about freedom of expression and diversity of viewpoints.) It was your job to have taken it on the chin once and moved on.
``}

Thank you for pointing this out. You are absolutely right about noting criticism and moving on. There have been several critical comments (Veeresh, Jang, Masadi, and others) and I respectfully noted their response and provided any necessary clarification. I also learned a lot from the feedback - whether supportive or in oppostion of this article. I have no problem with dissent, I applaud it. When feedback takes on the form of wishing death for my unborn child and insults against my pregnant wife and dead grandmother, I should realize the source of the nonsense and cut the discussion short. I appreciate your advice and I do not expect you to like or endorse my article. I just appreciate your support of freedom of expression and diversity of viewpoints. No, I do not want the perpetrators of the evil against me banned. I just want them to be flogged and then tarred and feathered and then fed to the crocodiles in Manghopir. :)

{``There was a charge of plagiarism that was unfounded; then there were comments about “lack of originality”, which is entirely a subjective POV; and now finally, issues have been raised.``}

I have no problems with people not laughing at my jokes - thank God, I do not rely upon my mediocre comedy for sustenance. The charge of plagiarism was serious and I think that the accuser should have apologized once proven to be untruthful - now can we tar and feather the guilty one? Charges of ``lack of originality`` have been made in very general terms. Again, I reiterate that all the material is mine and I did not research external sources or other people`s efforts. If one or two jokes are familiar, it is because I may have used them earlier on Chowk. I do not need to steal others` material.

#415, Veeresh,

Of course, no article about travel would be complete without feedback from Ibn Batuta himself. Thank you sir, for your mediocre feedback - I mean feedback about the mediocrity of my hard work. :)
Your comment about Barachota and his able attorney Mr. KKKandK brought back fond memories of yesteryear.
Thank you for your useful recipes and advice about Ittar. May I remind you not to wear your cheap imitation Gucci cologne when you visit Pakistan. The Paki bear can smell the difference and may just get annoyed enough to the point that your screams will be heard on top of the muezzin`s call to prayer - a capital offense in Pakistan. :)

Zeena #410, {``Salim sahib Sir
I am already in your FAN CLUB. I can`t wait to read your next article. Please, do write another article soon. I hope you will not ignore my request and will consider writing another successful article ASAP.
Waiting impatiently
One of your fans.
Zeena``}

Zeena, my sweet friend,
Thank you for this lovely message of encouragement. Yes, you have been consistently supporting and encouraging me to write on FP. Your appreciation means so much to me. I too am a fan of your compassion, sincerity, boldness, and your determined nature not to join the herd. You think for yourself and are not afraid to voice your opinion. You are unique and it is no surprise that you are an accomplished marathon runner - an individual sport, requiring great stamina, solid guts, and superior determination. I admire you very much.

#366 by Saminasha on March 12, 2006 10:53am PT
{``Zahra,
Why not make this a collaborative effort? If you are interested, contact me. ``}

I do not agree with the religious law that equates the words of two women to that of one man. Unfortunately, Saminasha, in her eagerness to produce a humorous rebuttal to my article, requires the assistance of another equally inept female writer. This is really disheartening that our leading feminazi pom pom chubby girl, in this month of March, can`t take on a single man - mano a mano, word for word, article for article. She needs to team up with a fellow amazon, and thus inadvertently, prove the mullahs right.

#413 by Saminasha on March 13, 2006 7:02am PT

The time I spend was not directed at the writer of this piece, but in those who thought it was really funny.

---

How dare you tell us readers what we cannot find funny and what we can? Are you the owner of Chowk that you are also telling the Editor what she cannot publish?

Saminasha,

Everything you write is prejudiced because you have shown jealousy on 2 levels. First because the editor herself is a better writer than you and was selected the Editor, and second because Salim is (whether offensive or not) also a better writer who deserves to be published and you do not.

Re: # 411
what is your email zahra?
Mine is iqbal@alumnidirector.com.
I would like to share some views with you.(he...he...he)