Taking the Lid off Sexual Fantasies

What a pity doctor that you write in Chowk about Sexual fantasies! Can`t you draw a boundary between you and your patients?

An interesting article. Sex is a hugely important part of life both physical and fantasy.
The ancients knew this and discussed it matter of factly; in the West post 1960s people have rediscovered this albeit gradually; in the East people are still in a state of denial!

Nancy Friday has a lot of books on sexual fantasy. My personal opinion is that, in Europe at least, within a generation, most people will be bisexual in practise...

Re: # 2
Nashbandi wrote,
`Europe at least, within a generation, most people will be bisexual in practise...`

thats a very intresting comment -
I think women atleast globally are bisexual in nature - men now adays are increasingly becoming `metrosexual` - yeah probably you are right to point out that maybe in future there will be no bounds on gender oriented sex .
So the question is , are sexual fantasies created from sexual frustration ? is it a betrayal to fantasies about someone else when you are living or love someone else?

Naqsh bhai,


(My personal opinion is that, in Europe at least, within a generation, most people will be bisexual in practise... )

Think of the positives, there will be twice as many people interested in you.

Regards

Re: # 1
I see no sign of a boundary violation or even a trangression here. I don`t know about you, Khalid, but personally I frequently find it very difficult to listen to people`s fantasies, or even descriptions of their sex lives when things become too explicit. I then wonder why it is that they feel they have to give me all this detail-it may not always be necessary. Often if it is about abuse, I can relate to their traumatisation, and I think that is important. However, often narcississtic/antisocial personalities do, I think, enjoy reliving their fantasies and sexual experiences. Yes, I do discuss this with a psychotherapy supervisor!

we hear so much about sufiyana poetry an all..how about those fantasies and yearnings? no patients have such ones except the poets? maybe the poets too have ``normal`` fantasies and are using the garb of spirituality so they dont get beaten up.

What an erectifying article.

Dr. Sahib, I always enjoy reading your write-ups, and enjoyed this one as well. I have a question. You are viewing “fantasy” purely in a psychological context, to try to understand people’s “Sexual Personality”? Why not view Sexual fantasy and Sexual Personality in a Biological and Chemical context as well. For example, a young teenager masturbating over a magazine with just the private parts (no face, just the female or male sexual part). Would that physical act of masturbation not be more biological (adolescent) than psychological that your article seems to be implying. In other words, when one is hard (or horny) does it really matter what goes in one’s mind, don’t they just need to get it out and feel relaxed. Do you think that folks who use Sex Toys mentally associate their sexual acts with People? E.g., a college girl using a Vibrator is fantasizing about Danzel Washington or just using it to satisfy her Physical need? Are there instances when having sexual acts are not necessarily to get one into the land of fantasy?

There is a movie that I just watched “the Squid and the Whale”. It touches upon teenage sexuality a bit. It is a very interesting movie to see (excluding the pretentiousness of the characters).

Thank you Dr. Sohail, as I am a father of two teenage boys, and have to deal with their issues on daily basis.

Sufi poets were free souls - at times mad men - with lot of sexual frustration. Some of them like Rumi & many more were infact homosexuals or bisexuals . I was reading one of the articles from chowk archives recently , I think it was Baba Nangayshah who fall in love with a boy in Sind & was sentenced to death .

Re: # 7
dear Kulharee....thank you for your kind comments. I fully agree with you that in sexual

expression physical aspect is as important as the psychological aspect. Sexual life is quite

comples including physical, psychological, social and cultural aspects. Being a student of

human psychology and psychotherapy I have a keen intersts in the emotional part. Some

people say...sex is combination of fantasy plus friction. So friction is the physical part. But

fantasy is important too. Those people who grow up in repressive and suppressive societies

can have a lot of guilt and that guilt can cause emotional problems in loving and marital

relationships. Being a marital therapist I try to help people get over their guilt so that they

can fully enjoy sex. For me sex a gift of nature and we need to enjoy it by sharing with the

person we love. thanks once again. You might be seeing more of me as chowk editors

would like me to contribute more regularly. sincerely sohail

Re: # 5
dear nb...thank you for your comments. While we practice psychotherapy we learn from

our patients so that we have a better understab=nding of human suffering and find ways

to help them. I only share personal stories of patients when they give me their blessing

otherwise it is discussed in genral terms. I am glad you are exploring your passion and you

have a superviser to guide you. I really enjoyed my student life at Memorial University

though it seems a long time ago now. sincerely sohail

Neem-Hakim Khatra-E-Jaan!!

Why is this quack allowed to discuss his patients details on the web?
Have you ever heard of patients-doctor privacy rights????

Nice article. A step towards un-Tabooing sex.

About the comments from Naqshbandi: I goto Michigan State University and there is a dating site just for the university students. You would be interested to know that 50% of the girls on that site are not looking for guys. They are bi-curious.

I strongly feel that there needs to be more freedom related to sex in eastern cultures.

Re: # 7Kulharee Mian,
Kyon Freud ki Taang torr rahe ho???

Oye Dilliwale, munh de gorey dil de kaale...why are you so against the good doctor after reading about fantasies? you have problem with fantasies? little bit of fantasizing will help you lower the frustration. chalo now fantasize that you are in your pinD in Kharar and your neighbor is getting ready for Vaisakhi da Mela wearing a peela and kaala shalwar kameez..she just passed in front of your door to let you know where to meet in the mela:-)

Dear Kulharee: I have to admit I fantasize a lot too just like you.....and it is not always about sex..sometimes I fantasize that I am in NYC and having a glass of Shiraz and talking about world politics with some very handsome young men in an upscale restaurant ....these men may not be very handsome and not young at all in realty but fantasy gives me power to resurrect them into young and handsome charming people...similarily sometimes I fantasize that I am chief editor of chowk and I have the power to ban whomsoever I want...next I see myself banning some female interactors and they start begging and whining on e-mails, sending me their photographs to un-ban them....that helps me feel very powerful and helps me to do my day job better in a more confident manner.:-)

Doctor sahib, may be you can answer this, why it that younger men in teens and early 20s usually fantasize about a bit older women while as they cross 35 years of age or so they start fantasizing about younger women?

( I remember in one meeting of some chowkies at late night in the middle of smoke and beer this subject was discussed to dealth untill 4am....I still remember Kulharee almost cried while telling us about his fantasy queen of his teenage years - an auntie from neighborhood...most others admitted they fantasized about their female teachers when in middle school...kulharee started that in elementary school...he was an early bird...or has an early bird:-) ).

A couple of people have talked about the ethics of discussing doctor-patient dialogues on the web. Dr. Sohail is not compromising anyone`s privacy. Right from Freud, Laing to Masters and Johnson to even Shere Hite have used examples to bring about better understanding. And even if names are used, it ought not to be assumed they are real names. There are hundred Mikes and Janes out there as indeed Sunils and Haseenas.

Please read this column introduction to get an idea of how he will explore these subjects for Chowk and therefore you.

Re: # 14
dear dulla bhatti....I appreciate your feedback.You have a valid question and if I am fully

honest with you I do not have the answer.

I never thought about that issue in that way before. But I will keep your

observation and question in mind. My initial thought is that men fantasize about girls and

women that they think are most attractive and enticing and that changes with age. if other

readers have some thoughts I would love to read. sincerely sohail