Jolly Bhai

#21 sahib, in my story jolly would be gay...jolly, happy and gay.

Usually I am all for the utilization of superfluous vocabulary in a novellete , but the author forgot the golden maxim that sometimes perhaps less is more.

As someone said earlier,

``LAY OFF THE THESAURUS``.

Otherwise, quite good!

And in the defense of poor Bhabhi, ``Perhaps JollyBhai suffered from erectile dysfunctional or worse, Premature ejaculation`` and made matters worse by working 12 hour shifts and coming home and lecturing her by addressing the poor 21 year old as ``You Young People``.

Atleast someone was having fun. Your jolly bhai sounded like a perfect bore, and if I was married to him, I would have probably committed suicide.

a very heavy doze of big words...some looked forced.......the speech of every character was alike........jolly bhai talks like a scholar rather then a taxi driver.....the end was surprising and good........and it was worth it.....despite the vaco.....it was a good read......keep it up......

great read man...didn`t want it to end...enjoyed it very much except for Jolly bhai`s misfortune of course....but on the minus side, a few too many big words...you could`ve used simpler synonyms...btw, which uni in Michigan did u attend?...regards

Kabuli

... but lay off the thesaurus a bit, will ya?

very well written syed, lush with the colors of life!

#15 Nasah

My dear Naseehat-waale, be fair now!

So what if the description is stereotypical – the bottomline is that bhabhijee was able to put aside all of that superficial stuff aside and see the REAL person under all of that and was not dissuaded at all from loving that person enough to make the ultimate sacrifice to that person – her own womanhood! Just imagine his delight as the lady behind burqa – the very epitome of the essence and purity of her ancient land – revealed herself more and more – till she bared it all – body and soul! Perhaps he thought he was already in paradise! I doubt that the promised 72 houries could have held a candle!!

Perhaps the physical dimensions of their love broke a world record or whatever records exist along those lines and their passion perhaps left Heer and Ranjha with gaping mouths – and even Laila and Majnoo feeling worthless like particles of dust!!!

It perhaps speaks volumes of the ability of desi womanhood to adjust to the occasion, to cut through the crap and get to the meat of the matter!

``was black, not desi kala, but kalla black, with curly hair, flat pakora nose, thick fat lips. I was there in the hospital, everyone thought it was a mistake, that the child is not her, but doctors and reports approved it,``

pretty rotten desi innuendo racists stuff -- very bazzari -- ``was black, not desi kala, but kalla black, with curly hair, flat pakora nose, thick fat lips`` -- describes very well the mixed gene pool of the subcontinental syeds......shame on you

kharay eesaa agar bu makka rawad chooN beyayed hunooz khur baashud...

What is this stuff about “sad ending”?

I don’t think the story is sad at all!

In fact, when I read it, I can hear what can only be described as the music of love in the air!

And everyone here agrees that love is blind.

Right? Anybody has objections? I hear none!

Sold – that love is blind!

Therefore, by definition, it must also be color-blind!

I think the bhabhijee should be nominated for some peace award or something for promoting goodwill among the races!

#7
[…thirties….]
Did somebody forget to tell you – never trust anyone over thirty!

#13
[…fiction or non-fiction….]
I bet the story is real – we are the fiction!

Seriously, at least parts of the story appear based on real stuff – especially those about the amnesty for “agricultural” workers.

So, our sirdarjee bhai-loags were not the only ones dipping deep into that amnesty pie – what with the proud owners of those California farmlands cranking out affidavits by cartloads! Now it looks like quite a few of my Pakistani brothers and sisters also conducted the necessary theerath-yatra to the golden land!

Is this fiction or non fiction? A great read over all, and in particular you succeed in giving a good color to the Devon desi ghetto.

Re: # 11
Hey why do you have to come in and spoil all the fun when everybody is dragging out their third handkerchief.
Go get some food at Asmara or something. Then walk over to the Charles. It is good weather for a change.

i dont understand why this story has a sad ending? sad for who? the interactors or the characters in the story?

- ali and the community got juicy gossip
- the renter hopefully got some nice kerhai chicken
- the bhabhiji got suhag which she prolly was not getting from jolly
- a beautiful child was born..a miracle always
- jolly was a lost case anyways and remained lost
- the author got material for a story with an ending (a story needs a beginning, a middle and an ending)

i found the content good (though provoking), but style confusing. for a while i kept confusing ali with jolly.
the story would do nicely with some food in it..all this living on devon but no description of the food?

Well written bro, enjoyable.

Good stuff to read on this site.

Nicely narrated. Good story.

It is so true that it hurts.

Great story. Resonates with many of us who lived through experiences of being a foreign student in america, meager jobs etc.

One observation. As the author narrates that Jolly bhai is in his mid 30s. But then to hear Jolly bhai say - ``its for young people like you and Ali, with ambition and hopes of a celestial American future, of reaching the sky; our generation is old and tired``. I find it interesting that in his mid 30s he would talk as if he was in his 60s.