Jasmines in Colorado (final part)

10 years of painful existence........and more to come ............miyan , I am a little cheesed off at this story..........I wanted to see some redeeming feature in the end.........something that shows the strength of at least one of the characters.............if the girl had the guts to do ishqbazi with you why could you not ensure that she gets through her messy unconsummated nikah?...........I want both of you married in the end than trying to put up the act of being ``normal`` married zombies of a dying society.............I hate to see the pain which could have been avoided for sure...........Please change the depressing end to this story ...............

as i stated earlier, the story sound better and more complete if read fully, in one go.........having said that, i doubt we would have been able to get the insights and constructive critiques, had it been published in one go.......

gurujee...yes, true...

subroto.........the english translation of most of the couplets is available on chowk, in some of the earlier poetry translations i did........i would present them as footnotes, if this was in a magazine of some sort.....

colonel.......thanks

harish_hyd.........``Stick to this one and I`m your fan.``
will miracles never cease!......actually i rarely write on politics........nearly everything i have written on chowk is related to literature.........it is far far more difficult to write on literature than on politics.........

subashjoshi........thanks......lets see what bj makes of this.......though i think he is getting a bit tired now........

sahara..........thanks.........as i said earlier, so far all the ladies seem to love this..........though now some of the men have started to come around also........

perfection..........thanks

optomistic_aadi..........i think it is quite easy to describe something, if one has personally experienced it........

shore_sahib.........thanks......i am still waiting for your info/critique on the parts related to music and deafness..........that and the poetry is really what this was to be about.......unfortunately, my limitations in writing and length of story turned this into more of a indian movie type love story..........

hamidm2...........hmm......i told you to wait till the end.......

overlord.........i don`t think people want others to feel sorry for them.........i think tragedy of some sort actually touches people a lot more than happiness.........one remembers tragic events in life far more than one remembers happy ones...........also, this actually had a happy ending........everyone lived happily ever after............i am happily married.......nadia is also, and has three or four kids, from what i have heard..........

kaami.............this one did end up in marriage..........both of us got married, albeit not to each other...........that was one of the points, also............temporary infatuation is not as permanent as a long time relationship...........

theflatlanders.......``almost everyone is enthralled by your story. This is not the common reaction of the very critical and diverse readership on Chowk.``
yes, apparently........though i have found the chowk crowd to be quite receptive, across the board, to things related to poetry, literature etc. it is only on political/religious etc. issues that people have very differing opinions........

10 years of painful existence........and more to come ............miyan , I am a little cheesed off at this story..........I wanted to see some redeeming feature in the end.........something that shows the strength of at least one of the characters.............if the girl had the guts to do ishqbazi with you why could you not ensure that she gets through her messy unconsummated nikah?...........I want both of you married in the end than trying to put up the act of being ``normal`` married zombies of a dying society.............I hate to see the pain which could have been avoided for sure...........Please change the depressing end to this story ...............

Umair Raja,

You have accomplished something incredible - almost everyone is enthralled by your story. This is not the common reaction of the very critical and diverse readership on Chowk. Congrats. Bravo. Well done. I also enjoyed the story very much. Poignant.

one word... ``touching``

after reading the last part, i must say it was a great story...
and very well told too....

why is it that the love stories which don`t end up in marriage almost always sound better... i guess marriage has to be the worst of things to happen to star-crossed lovers... after all, no popular lovers ever got married

---

the third part took a little longer than expected but i guess it was worth the wait....

the third part has to be best of the three as far as the writing style is concerned... the second was the more melodramatic one (a tad too much i think)... and the first one was just plain cushy... all in all, a very well written piece

and yes, it definitely makes for a great script for a bollywood flick... how much for the rights, umair? yash chopra`s number, anyone?

Well written but I hate the theme. Why people in this society want others to feel sorry for them? ......... this is the theme in all soap operas, movies, literature etc.
Quit feeling sorry for yourselves.

......... i am so verklempt i think i am going to die ........ daniella steel, eat your heart out !....... romair mian, i think you should start writing for khawateen digest and make all those women cry - they love to cry ............ see what you did - now i am crying !

Very nice!

Heart warming,

Bulleya Sahib,

You have done well.

Beautiful story......quite touching and emotional.....you`ve got an immense ability to describe human emotions......well done....and.....keep it up.....

nice story from 1st part till end with appreciable writing style.
Keep it up !

The third part more than covers up for the disappointing second one. What can I say in its praise? I don’t want to admit that it touched my heart, but then I would be lying if I’ll claim that it didn’t make me shed a few tears. Oh, what a dilemma!

Beautiful story. Superb.

Now waiting for BJ`s parody.

Good one yaar! You are better at story telling than you are politics. Stick to this one and I`m your fan.

Thanks Raja;

It was good.
I was waiting for the final part. Took me back 30 years into time.
keep writing; you have the talent.

Well done Umair, after the cheesy part two, you have written this with a lot more restraint and it is probably the best of the lot. One suggestion - provide an english translation of the urdu couplets. Most bi-lingual writers do that and it provides the non urdu speaking readers a chance to understand and appreciate what has been written.

Great story, Umair! Was waiting for the final part to come along. I guess, girls do know very well, how to play with men`s emotions.