Jasmines in Colorado (final part)

umair,

i just finished reading all three parts of your story and it was very good. I liked it. Poignant. And some of your descriptions at times were very good too--it could have done with a few more of those but overall it was very good. You should write more often! :-)

p.s. How much of this was autobiographical?!

p.p.s email me pls. asifjuk@gmail.com

good story , kept me till the end !!!
i am blessed for reading all the parts together.
btw ,we share name , i hope i share a part of your skills as well.

Romair, sorry I did not get a chance to comment on this earlier. I think this is a very touching story.

Good job! Stick to this line.

The Leafyglade stream flows the best and takes the highest road of them all!

For those who waited for a parody - you have waited invain - sorry, no can do! The subject matter appears to be rather close to Umair`s heart and so the ending shall stay unmolested (or perhaps I should say unmauled)!

hi i was out of town n just read this part......i dnt know whether its a true story or not but its really heart touching........n i hate nadia for her treachery.......she was an idiot who made everyones life miserable.......a real bakwas....if she was married she must told umair abt this......she made everything mess.......she have no right to play with anyones emotions n in this she has palyed with 4 peoples` emotions......people do this kind of thing in real life n i hate them.....n wat she want to convince umair by writing a letter to him......bull shit......apne kiye par parda daalna.....i hate her n those people who do things like this......just for few months pleasure she made mess of 4 lifes................................................
sara

What can I say...it`s just wonderfully crafted!!!
Great piece.

Nadia did not rebuff Umair despite knowing about the consequences. She fought with herself and wanted Umair to help her out with her present predicament. She wanted Umair to say strongly that he would do anything to have her........to make her feel assured so that she knows that her fight against the moral police would not add to her miseries...............she wanted Umair to tear her tickets..........to stop her path..........Umair chickened out..........

Now Umair rues............and smells imaginary Jasmines.................


I do not see anything but miseries for Umair................and Nadia.....

Hi Umair:

Sorry it has taken me this long to finish your story. As I suspected the boy does redeem himself in the final instalment. But the girl`s character gets blemished now. I wonder if a Pakistani married woman would write to her ex-lover the kind of letter Nadia did.

I was not sure until now whether or not it was a true story. You have lived an interesting life. If and when you edit this story, try to do a little bit of pruning, especially in the first two parts and use fewer cliches.

Keep your creative juices flowing.....

Bewafa!!!

Re: # 16

> I wanted to see some redeeming feature in the end.........something that shows the strength
> of at least one of the characters....

I disagree.
Romair has the right to mould his characters as he sees fit. IF the character is not trying to
be an example to society then he is more realistic (though i guess `normal` is also realistic ! ).

By the way, not a bad job. (Hell, it wud be impossible for me to do !)

I think the unthinkable has happened......in my case....


I like came out of the closet three years ago....Me and my mom went through the whole song and dance,

``Asim, Beta! Do you have to be gay?``

and I was like, Mama.......

so, the poor woman finally got around to it, and said.....I love you regardless and the whole whoopdee dooo.....

and she was there with me.....through my one and only failed love affair....where the asshole was a typical man and more interested in my bellybutton then marriage and all that...


So to make a long story short......A miracle has taken place!

I am in love again....

this time....

with

a

GIRL

Imagine that......


Me Asim, the self professed proponent of the alternative lifestyle is inlove with a girl.....

All I can think about is her......lately...

and Having no experience with woman being a 30 year old virgin, I am like OH LORD>>>>
what the f**K am I doing?


but I cant help it....

I love her.....

and She would be perfect!!!!!


Lets hope it works out....

I can just picture our children....

They would be so damn beautiful.....

My mother`s beauty reborn again...

What`s so special about Devdas?

The poor thing needed therapy!

So melodramatic, ok fine! You didnt get the love of your life, so move on......

You will learn to love again.....

Why do we need to be married to a person or have sex with them to experience love.

Love is Peace, and in the end it is the ability to find your own self....

Another person does not give us happiness, we ourselves do.

Our feelings are the sumtotal of our own personal experience and way of thinking....

Tum nahi milo gi tu mar jaoon ga!

Oh what a load of crap.....One should say

Tu nahi aur sahi, aur nahi , aur sahi
magar tum sey humesha pyar karoon ga.....

Jao Khush raho........

Qatra Qatra Tapkey hey....

Dard ...DARD ka Ik Darya....


per is samundar meen Ik Qatra kehan Talash Karoon...

Re: # 19

``.............when he realized that it was not in her better interest to be with him......... ``


Like the two characters of Umair and Nadia in this story both Devdas and Paro were weak in the begining and tried to ``normalize`` their relation within the ruling moral fabric of their society..........Paro took the first step like Nadia did but Devdas could not take her away from the cluthes of the moral police......Devdas realized his weakness later on and turned into an alcoholic rebelling against that middle class morality.............at least Devdas showed some character in the end when his rebel peaked with his death in Paro`s gali and that is what made their story immortal...................I am sorry, I do not find any thing redeeming in this story...........................it ``normalized`` weakness of both these characters.........whereas Devdas overcame the weakness in the end...............and that is what depresses me ........

Still, I would pray that you may find the jasmine fragrance you THINK you are smelling...........

ballukhan............``Show some character like Devdas``

i am afraid i cannot agree with you here.......devdas was a weak man.......he didn`t show any character..........he did not have the courage to marry paro, even though she had the courage to marry him, to the extent of ruining her reputation.......it is only when paro married someone else that devdas developed the guts........probably more out of the loss he felt for himself..........so a bit of selfishness also.........

the devdas of this story had all the courage to marry the paro of the story......at the same time, he had the courage to let her go, when he realized that it was not in her better interest to be with him.........

..........``If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it`s yours. If it doesn`t, it was never meant to be``...........

Re: # 17
hmmm

``Suddenly, I sense the fragrance of jasmines in the air. Or is it just my imagination?``

Miyan................apne to kyon behla rahe ho!!!

You also know that there is no redemption for you now.......

Recant!! Show some character like Devdas.............if you could not live with her .........at least die in her gali...........

10 years of painful existence........and more to come ............miyan , I am a little cheesed off at this story..........I wanted to see some redeeming feature in the end.........something that shows the strength of at least one of the characters.............if the girl had the guts to do ishqbazi with you why could you not ensure that she gets through her messy unconsummated nikah?...........I want both of you married in the end than trying to put up the act of being ``normal`` married zombies of a dying society.............I hate to see the pain which could have been avoided for sure...........Please change the depressing end to this story ...............

as i stated earlier, the story sound better and more complete if read fully, in one go.........having said that, i doubt we would have been able to get the insights and constructive critiques, had it been published in one go.......

gurujee...yes, true...

subroto.........the english translation of most of the couplets is available on chowk, in some of the earlier poetry translations i did........i would present them as footnotes, if this was in a magazine of some sort.....

colonel.......thanks

harish_hyd.........``Stick to this one and I`m your fan.``
will miracles never cease!......actually i rarely write on politics........nearly everything i have written on chowk is related to literature.........it is far far more difficult to write on literature than on politics.........

subashjoshi........thanks......lets see what bj makes of this.......though i think he is getting a bit tired now........

sahara..........thanks.........as i said earlier, so far all the ladies seem to love this..........though now some of the men have started to come around also........

perfection..........thanks

optomistic_aadi..........i think it is quite easy to describe something, if one has personally experienced it........

shore_sahib.........thanks......i am still waiting for your info/critique on the parts related to music and deafness..........that and the poetry is really what this was to be about.......unfortunately, my limitations in writing and length of story turned this into more of a indian movie type love story..........

hamidm2...........hmm......i told you to wait till the end.......

overlord.........i don`t think people want others to feel sorry for them.........i think tragedy of some sort actually touches people a lot more than happiness.........one remembers tragic events in life far more than one remembers happy ones...........also, this actually had a happy ending........everyone lived happily ever after............i am happily married.......nadia is also, and has three or four kids, from what i have heard..........

kaami.............this one did end up in marriage..........both of us got married, albeit not to each other...........that was one of the points, also............temporary infatuation is not as permanent as a long time relationship...........

theflatlanders.......``almost everyone is enthralled by your story. This is not the common reaction of the very critical and diverse readership on Chowk.``
yes, apparently........though i have found the chowk crowd to be quite receptive, across the board, to things related to poetry, literature etc. it is only on political/religious etc. issues that people have very differing opinions........

10 years of painful existence........and more to come ............miyan , I am a little cheesed off at this story..........I wanted to see some redeeming feature in the end.........something that shows the strength of at least one of the characters.............if the girl had the guts to do ishqbazi with you why could you not ensure that she gets through her messy unconsummated nikah?...........I want both of you married in the end than trying to put up the act of being ``normal`` married zombies of a dying society.............I hate to see the pain which could have been avoided for sure...........Please change the depressing end to this story ...............

Umair Raja,

You have accomplished something incredible - almost everyone is enthralled by your story. This is not the common reaction of the very critical and diverse readership on Chowk. Congrats. Bravo. Well done. I also enjoyed the story very much. Poignant.

one word... ``touching``

after reading the last part, i must say it was a great story...
and very well told too....

why is it that the love stories which don`t end up in marriage almost always sound better... i guess marriage has to be the worst of things to happen to star-crossed lovers... after all, no popular lovers ever got married

---

the third part took a little longer than expected but i guess it was worth the wait....

the third part has to be best of the three as far as the writing style is concerned... the second was the more melodramatic one (a tad too much i think)... and the first one was just plain cushy... all in all, a very well written piece

and yes, it definitely makes for a great script for a bollywood flick... how much for the rights, umair? yash chopra`s number, anyone?

Well written but I hate the theme. Why people in this society want others to feel sorry for them? ......... this is the theme in all soap operas, movies, literature etc.
Quit feeling sorry for yourselves.

......... i am so verklempt i think i am going to die ........ daniella steel, eat your heart out !....... romair mian, i think you should start writing for khawateen digest and make all those women cry - they love to cry ............ see what you did - now i am crying !

Very nice!

Heart warming,

Bulleya Sahib,

You have done well.

Beautiful story......quite touching and emotional.....you`ve got an immense ability to describe human emotions......well done....and.....keep it up.....

nice story from 1st part till end with appreciable writing style.
Keep it up !

The third part more than covers up for the disappointing second one. What can I say in its praise? I don’t want to admit that it touched my heart, but then I would be lying if I’ll claim that it didn’t make me shed a few tears. Oh, what a dilemma!

Beautiful story. Superb.

Now waiting for BJ`s parody.

Good one yaar! You are better at story telling than you are politics. Stick to this one and I`m your fan.

Thanks Raja;

It was good.
I was waiting for the final part. Took me back 30 years into time.
keep writing; you have the talent.

Well done Umair, after the cheesy part two, you have written this with a lot more restraint and it is probably the best of the lot. One suggestion - provide an english translation of the urdu couplets. Most bi-lingual writers do that and it provides the non urdu speaking readers a chance to understand and appreciate what has been written.

Great story, Umair! Was waiting for the final part to come along. I guess, girls do know very well, how to play with men`s emotions.