Adam Khor Ayash Gorillay

i just wanna know how ``adam khor ayash gorillay`` relates to the whole piece...

digression....??

Ontrack.....??

donno.....!!!

But the first such stuff......and I mean weird one was , if my memory serves me right...!!

Yeah Hadiqa Kiyani....... `` doppatta meyra Mal mal Ka.....````

if you want to enjoy the melody, then keep your eyes shut, ......else , if you keep the audio muted and then watch that weird video, .....plz tell me ,......how was that related to the theme/anything of the song......!! Beats me.... the gun totting..... Helicopter shooting.....and action diving.......what has that to do with the `` mal Mal ka doupatta....``......???

But not only the song, but its video too was a pretty Hit thing then...!!

....the other song which caught on the theme of `` a leaf from couter strike `` Stuff
was Fariha Pervez`s `` ...challa Nishani ...````


Talk about misfits......or rather...............!!!!

Dear Syed Shah,

I have some gripes:

1. ``Much of the flotsam and jetsam floating around the airways...``

>> flotsam and jetsam do exactly that - float... to use float here sounds a little redundant.

2. ``three inch thick`` should have been hyphenated all through

3. ``Now, let’s put things in perspective. Aaroh dressing up as metrosexual leather-daddies and looking decidedly out of place in a bar sipping blue lagoons and blowing smoke out of various orifices is bad enough, but at least anyone who has ever seen Haider Hashimi with his gynormously oversized all-weather, all-terrain shades welded into his frontal bone would have claimed advance notice.``

>> If you are intent on showing off possession of an eclectic compendium of facts, go all the way: you let yourself down with ``frontal bone``. Badly.

4. ``The broader point that absolutely begs to be made, if for no other purpose than to compensate half a billion precious non-regenerating neuronal elements, is that why in the name of all that is holy, is everyone these days tripping over themselves to conform to this stereotype of being hip? It’s a little bit akin to that mother of four you see in the store force-feeding herself to the daintiest pair of imported shoes in the shop. Always a big no-no. ``

>> Would it not be neater to use some punctuation in the first sentence:

``The broader point that absolutely begs to be made, if for no other purpose than to compensate half a billion precious non-regenerating neuronal elements, is this: why in the name of all that is holy, is everyone these days tripping over themselves to conform to this stereotype of being hip? ``

>> This paragraph was quite ironic... it derides people who follow the latest trends without reflection using language that is extremely self-conscious. It reminded me of Ramiz Raja`s commentary in the current Test series against South Africa. Note: I haven`t said Sidhu. That would have been mean and unfair.

5. ``Onto`` is not a word.

6. ``The most galling aspect to it all is that individualism is scarcely something that needs to be proven (leave alone quite so hard) in the first place.``

>> ``quite so forcefully``. Hard is an adjective. I think you need an adverb here. Unless you intend to earn your bread dubba-fying. Like so: http://dack.com/web/bullshit.html

7. ``In the ideal case, it’s one of those things meant to follow naturally from the music and any obvious talent on display, as opposed to a troupe of crassly-attired performers gallivanting across your plasma screen and trying doubly hard to atone for the musical sins of another.``

>> I didn`t quite get the relevance of the plasma screen here? Word play I didn`t catch, or sloppiness?

8. ``Perhaps this is the precise reason the written word will always continue to reign supreme over other forms of expression, being driven as it is purely by naked thought and sentiment.``

>> The use of ``naked`` here is redundant. I would suggest: ``Perhaps this is the precise reason the written word will always continue to reign supreme over other forms of expression, being driven as it is purely by thought and sentiment.``

9. ``The issue at hand is not so much of creative license and allowing performers to let their hair down once in a while, as it is the attempt to incarnate the make-belief as the truth.``

>> Not sure about the definite article preceding ``make-belief``...

10. ``to borrow a conventional idiom``

>> Shouldn`t it be ``to borrow from conventional wisdom``? Or maybe not - but neither ``conventional`` nor ``idiom`` sound right in that phrase.

11. ``They might be talented individuals, but little of that follows from their recent identity crises.``

>> I would question the use of ``follow`` here. I`m really not sure what you mean. Perhaps: ``They might be talented individuals, but little of that survives their recent identity crises.`` ??

12. ``Moral of the story: you can take something and apply it out of context.``

>> Inappropriate use of a comma to join two clauses.

13. ``Perhaps it’s time we finally exhumed good taste and understood what caused it to die.``

>> Perhaps it’s time we finally exhumed good taste to understand why it died.

Other than that, I rather liked this piece. Yes, I have dissected to the point of pettiness, but editing can be like that. I guess it`s my irritation with Ramiz Raja and a bunch of other articles coming out over here. To be honest, the only reason I even dared start the dissection was that I could hope to finish it in 20 minutes or so. With most articles on Chowk, it would take several hours at least.

Anyway, I`m sorry if you feel I`ve been overly critical. The thing is I got the feeling that you might actually care about expressing your thoughts in a way calculated to evoke certain ideas and streams of thought in the reader`s mind. So I thought I`d point out the relatively minor irritants that got in the way of your more ambitious intentions. Ambitious but highly laudable. I wish more writers on Chowk took the risks you take.

On the up side, you prompted me to look up ``disyllabic``. Though I`m still not sure what you meant in that sentence...

Keep writing!

Cheers,
Aman

Re: # 1

``Frontal bone`` is actually a valid anatomical term. It refers to the part of the skull which, in layman`s terms, is called the forehead.

Moreover, `hard` is not only an adjective. It can also be used as an adverb -- for instance ``I hit the ball hard,`` and ``You work hard.``

Re: # 6

hmm... looks like I got smoked...

Frontal bone does actually exist, I concede. Let`s just say that from a stylistic point of view, it sounds a bit lame given the use of terms such as ``non-regenerating neuronal elements``, ``orifices`` and ``metastasize ``. How about maxila, proc. frontalis. Pros: it`s actually nearer the bridge of the nose than the frontal bone (which seems to be the forehead and above). Cons: there`s a comma and a period in the name. How about os nasale, then?

Hard turns out to be a funny one too. In the examples you cite, it`s true that the word is employed as an adverb, but I find it hard to accept something like ``individualism is scarcely something that needs to be proven so hard``. One itches to add an ``ly`` to ``hard``, except that that doesn`t make any sense either.

Or maybe I`m just a crotchety old fool unwilling to admit that language should evolve so quickly.

cheers!

Re: # 1

``onto`` like ``into`` is very much a regular word.

Re: # 1

``onto`` like ``into`` is very much a regular word.

Re: # 2

Sorry okhla99, it does seem to be a word. I need to get out more often, I guess.

My mistake.