A Teacup in My Hand

#50 Zahraji

You are right, dear sis!

A bit of mirchi is quite basic to most desi preparations, but too much mirchi alone does not a good meal make - in fact it is perhaps highly damaging to one`s health.

Especially so when it is time to do the overall numbers - in the light of the morning - when the excesses of the long night have to be accounted for - and the pain is overbearing.

And so is the stench!

:)

Re: # 19

was that story from Interpreter of Maladies? I recently returned to that story and thought it was quite good. can you give me specifics as to what plot lines, character development, thematic issues you are critiquing? It doesnt sound like you`ve read Lahiri`s work....


For the record, The Namesake was a really well written novel and I`m not looking forward to Nair`s adaption.

Re: # 51
Thank you for sharing your observations about my story...and also for the appreciation. :)

End of this love story is quite realistic and sane.

the desired end of the story that all women folks wish is not possible in this real world might be u would find it out in some bollywood movie story.

anyway

Written very well , keep writing and sharing on chowk and be realistic

Re: # 49

BJK - I want you to write the sequel.

See, your picture was in complete contrast to what a civil person will like to see. There is too much of hodgepodge in your story. I want it clean, sweet, romantic, and last but not least FAIR. I will be happy!

:)

#47 by ZahraJ

Ama Zahraji, that plot I wrote is quite realistic fiction – even if it includes rather unhappy stuff. (Except for the last sentence about Ram rajya which, as far as most people can guess, is extremely unlikely.) Perhaps I was trying to impress upon mian Hamidm2 that I am not limited to sappy plots!

Homosexuality, jihadism, murder for hire, illicit sex – all of these are simple facts of life in Pakistan and elsewhere. No reason for you to find their inclusion in the plot so discomforting and disconcerting?! :(

[I am glad that you are not writing the sequel.]

You realize I am known to sit down and do exactly that upon the least of provocations! You are not trying to provoke, are you?! :)

Re: # 46
Thanks for your comments...glad you found the piece to be a good read, even though a bit `off`!!! :)

Re: # 45
BJK - Sorry, very dark, vulgar and inappropriate imagination. I am glad that you are not writing the sequel.

interesting story but something`s off... i`m not sure what, i`d like to think most devoted husbands wouldn`t do this to their wives of ten years... but then this was a story... i wonder how things would have changed if she had a baby girl, not really the eastern version of a heir but a baby nevertheless.

anyway, good read, someone said it was a bit Soapy and i agree, but that`s ok, it held the reader`s interest till the end

#44 by ZahraJ

Good imagination but a bit too sissy for my taste! Let me provide an alternate version – a bit shorter than yours, but more of a macho suspense theme.

Sonya is mad at her ex-hubby. She goes hires a hatchet man. Hatchet man hacks ex-hubby to death – cannibalizing a few vital organs. Sonya has no money to pay him so she tries to sleep with him. But hatchet man is gay – Sonya detests him. Hatchet man blackmails her. Sonya steals from mother-in-law to pay him. But the money has actually come from the Mullah who is having an affair with the mother-in-law and who is secretly funding mother-in-law by stealing from jihadi boxes. The jihadis come after the hatchet man, but they are gay in temperament and the hatchet man is able to charm them and sleep with them. Sonya gets pregnant through artificial insemination but loses custody of the children to the hatchet man and his partner gay jihadi and the children grow up to become butch lesbians. Then Pakistan develops into a progressive, liberal Ram rajya and everybody starts to live happily ever after. End of story!

I do not want to further disturb the train of thought that was discussed in this fictional piece, but it will be unfair not to analyze and evaluate the story from a different angle.

What I would have liked to see -

a. Sonya should have taken her mother in law to task for forcing her son to marry someone else. The very idea to marry or have sex with another woman to have a child sounds pretty disgusting. Slapping XYZ (whatever her hubby`s name was) did not convey much. I would have liked to read a conversation between the m-i-l and Sonya. It seems that m-i-l was all in power to do whatever she could. We are misleading our future generations.

b. I wished there was a court where Sonya could file a suit against her husband on various accounts, e.g. inability to withstand marital responsibilities, inability to refuse the orders of his mother impacting their marriage, and excluding her from his plans of a 2nd marriage.


What the writer should not have done
(By doing that she supports the cultural mental fatoor)

c. Portraying women as the maker or breaker of a relationship. So, it`s Sonya who could not have a child. Why was that important to prove? It also gives a message that women are the ones with some issues when it comes to not being able to have a child. Why could not the man have some issues ? Is that a taboo subject ? Again, the man was shown as the all-in-power king here who could impregnate another woman and have a child through her. Yes, he looked emaciated and not his usual self, but beyond that it was Sonya who had to reinvent her life. It also portrays a poor image of men.

d. The writer saves the man from the wrath of his wife by putting the blame on the mother in law for impacting his current relationship. It also ascertains that men have no say in the relationship with their wives and can be twisted in any direction by their mothers. These mothers are also women. What are we saying here?

e. Now, let`s visit poor Huma who was used as a scapegoat in this episode. It`s unfair to misuse cousin relationship.

In short, I would not change this story but I would like to read a sequel that is in complete contrast to this story. Probably, that can be a story of Ujala and Umar`s son.

I think Hamidm can come up with some interesting ideas based on all the years of Hoor and Zaibunissa reading :p

Re: # 30
No, not M&B... Virago, anytime!!! :)

Re: # 33
Thanks for your kind words regarding my piece ... glad you liked the storyline, as well as my style, and found it to be a pleasant read. :)

Re: # 38

Thank you so much for your indepth review...
This story was not meant to be essentially moralistic. Truth is relative. Umar was not wrong, nor was Sonya. Life is all about making choices, be they right or wrong. Once done, however, one has to live with the consequences...as did Sonya and Umar!
Your line `love is only as real...understood` seems to put things in proper perspective quite nicely!! :)

#39 (addendum)

...Therefore, take your pick of tears or puke! :)

#34
(further thoughts)

Hamidm2 mian, thanks for your confidence in my abilities. Now that you mention it, I am all excited and my creative juices are really bubbling up in heady heat - I can not wait to get cracking to claim that mantle as THE writer of sappy paperbacks that make women cry and drive real men to puke and to cry out.

Before you know it, this web site will start drowning in tears on one side and puke on the other side!

What a sangam that will be!! :)

All of it thanks to YOUR encouragement, sir!! I am beginning to fall in love with you.