Inzi Post-Bob: An Interview

I don`t think is should be anybodies business if someone wants to be religious or not, it`s entierly their choice. There are numerous sportspersons in every sport who thank there God after a victory. Those who don`t know this need to read more.

Personally I am disappointed with Mr Paracha`s mock interview. We still have a colonial mindset where English is a standard to judge the goodness of a person. Why do we really need to speak English? Most Europeans, Koreans, Japanese, Turkish etc do not KNOW and do not WANT to speak in English, then why is it so important to us? To make fun of some one on his ability to speak a second language is really in bad taste !!!

Naqshbandi: Hamidm I think deliberately overstretches here (i.e. into Shalom and Gesundheit) in order to make an important point: Allah does not need us to reassure Him we are thinking of Him every time we, e.g., go to do batting (as in this case). And to think such reassurances (not to mention more overt forms of bribery like sacrificing a lamb) will cause Him to over-ride the Law amounts to reducing him to the level of, say, a Patwari.

I have no problem with tradition. But in Pakistan we have gone too far because we have reduced islam to mere voodoo magic , and thus replaced responsible behavior (e.g. playing cricket without taking drugs, or doing proper maintenance on airlines, or having no individual above the law) with gimmicks (i.e. chanting Allahs name when going in to bat in case of cricket; chanting Allah`s name before a PIA flight, and chanting Allah`s name and ignoring the constitution).

Re: # 51

tahmed,

............ thank you for your understanding,

............ look, i have nothing against soft-headed individuals practicing their silly superstitions as long as they don`t turn it into a mass obsession that leads people to blow themselves up or commit mass suicide ....... there was absolutely nothing wrong with jim jones and his followers splattering themseves with chicken blood and dancing around the fire, but you will agree that the jonestown mass murder and suicide was taking it a bit too far .......... similarly, if inzimam and the other mullahs on the team wanted to make fools out of themselves five times a day it is fine by me, but they have no right to shove their religiosity into the faces of spectators, fans and innocent bystanders ......... i wouldn`t be at all surprised if one of these bearded fools killed poor bob because they heard a voice telling them to do it !

........... to your point, i stopped flying pia when the pilots handed over control to al-lah and the fat stewardesses began to grow moustaches .........

#49 was filtered perhaps due to a misunderstanding. Hamidm quoted that incident himself ...

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hamidm i have never met anyone who hates themselves as much as you do. you must seriously have been abused as a child to display such an inferiority complex.

Interviewer: Hello Baaghi …

Baaghi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Rahim … first, thanks to Almighty Allah for this interview and …

Interviewer: Of course … so tell us, what made you write this admittedly funny crap?

Baaghi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Rahim … firstly, thanks to Almighty Allah, the team went flop …

Interviewer: You mean they lost …

Baaghi: No, they went flop …

Interviewer: Okay, but they did not play well …

Baaghi: No, they went flop – because it matches better with my next line which goes – then Bob went plop…

Interviewer: Right. Now, can we talk about the write-up for a change?

Baaghi: Why?

Interviewer: What do you mean, why? You’re a chowk writer!

Baaghi: Bismillah-ur-Rehman-ur-Rahim, mostly thanks to my existential angst …

Interviewer: That happened many years ago.

Baaghi: Yes, I know … I also learn math in order to carry out a perfect foil …

Interviewer: Right. So, what went wrong with this write-up?

Baaghi: I came out of my existential hiding …

Interviewer: And...

Baaghi: I needed somebody’s hide …

Interviewer: And just then, Bob died…!

Baaghi: You see the magic of the rhyme, too!

Interviewer: I don’t care how it rhymes, tell me why you picked one person’s tragic ending to take a jab at the inadequacies of another? Why were you so spineless?

Baaghi: Writers don’t have spine. Thanks to Almighty Allah, satirists are writers, too!

Interviewer: So, about the write-up. What went wrong?

Baaghi: Bob died.

Interviewer: Yes, but the poor chap died after you guys crashed out of the World Cup.

Baaghi: Very unfortunate his death … very unfortunate. I think it was lack of a sense of history and socio-political purpose.

Interviewer: Baaghi, you are talking matha-phore-ically.

Baaghi: Mathaas are haraam. Look what happened to the Beej?

Interviewer: What happened to the Beej?

Baaghi: He died.

Interviewer: I thought he was killed.

Baaghi: No, you nonsense!

Interviewer: Sigh. Okay, tell us what was you biggest achievement in this write-up?

Baaghi: Good talk, good talk … we boys say Karma …

Interviewer: You mean, as in singing the bhajan!

Baaghi: Yes, yes, I like aloo ki bhaaji also, especially with Paracha, I mean paratha …

Interviewer: What nonsense!

Baaghi: No, no nonsense … if aaloo, I mean Laloo, become Muslim, Pakistan surely inshallah, mahshalla win cup!

Interviewer: But…

Baaghi: Exactly. But for the cut…!!

Interviewer: Baaghi, sorry to say this, but for long it has been noticed that with all this capitalism-gaining-ground and capitalism-bashing-going-nowhere happening, you and some of your chowk boys have started to lose not only your verbiage and form, but your grip on reality as well …

Baaghi: Are you saying my boys are indecent? Firstly, thanks to its management, all boys now naik and clean and decent …

Interviewer: And it’s not even your usual write-up anymore. It has been taken over, mauled, finished!

Baaghi: No, only you gone – the cynical sell-out and glorifier of mediocrity!

Interviewer: But you guys are paid to write, not to bite.

Baaghi: No, only you – you deluded recluse!

Interviewer: Never mind. Thank you for talking to me, Baaghi. And good luck.

Baaghi: No, thanks to The Arousal and the Almighty Allah …

Interviewer: Yes, him too.

Baaghi: You are good muffin!

Interviewer: Here, have a Pepto-Bismal!

There is a thin line between constructive cynicism and criticizing for the sake of criticism. This article surely doesn`t observe any such boundaries and limitations. Mr. Paracha goes on and on about influence of `mullaism` over cricket until it ceases to be funny. Now, I am not a `mulla` supporter and frankly, quite disappointed by Pakistan`s defeat. However, none of it justifies the above article.

actually, this was pretty funny. i mean i read it, and then a few minutes later i started grinning. i`m grinning right now, even! whats that smell though? huh? what..? shit!?? i set fire to my shirt! frikkin cherries!??

......... before some muslim with a bruised forehead and calloused ankles jumps out of his shalwar to ptotest that al-lah mian has nothing to do with cricket and other such mundane things, i would like to tell him if that is true then he should stop invoking his name everytime he and his friends pick up a cricket bat or pass gas .......... it is sickening to watch these people preface everything with bismillah and inshallah if they really don`t think al-lah mian is not interested in their silly antics on the field .......... stop it !........ this nonsensical arabic gibberish is extremely irritating ! ......... let`s use `gesundheit` and `shalom` like other civilized people (and you there!... stop clasping your hands and muttering nonsense in sanskrit or whatever - that is just as disgusting as sallamo`laikuming all over the place)

Re: # 42

Shanti, shanti, Hamidm sahib. Itna gussa Hamidm sahib ko kyon aata hai?

Could someone check this please:

I read this at http://forum.classicalarchives.com/messages/1000/1001.html?1172486092

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible)

Koran (9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

Is this a correct quote from Koran?

Re: # 41
Koran 9:11 actually reads:

[9.11] But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know.

........ this ignominious loss is yet another nail in al-lah mian`s coffin - he is dead and should now be buried with some dignity along with his favourite prophet ! ...........

........... look at the state of the ummah from morocco to indonesia - politically, economically and socially they are getting their prayer-raised butts whopped by everyone from the puny isrealis to the dal-eating hindoos ............ and now al-lah`s mighty cricket team gets buggered by the followers of a little known prophet whose sole claim to fame has been driving out snakes from a little island - no visits to heaven or splitting the moon like mo of mecca ......... what more proof do we need that we have been worshiping a false god ? ....... even if he is a real god, it is clear that al-lah mian and mo are no match for st paddy, jesus son of mary, hanuman the monkey king, and the black lady from the bronx who can tell your future and cure your gout for twenty dollars ...... it is time we dumped these imposters and hitched our wagon to someone who is more competent .......

Re: # 39 hamidm

Hanumanji bhi fail ho gaye, janaab. Henceforth, FSM will be my god.

I would not be surprised if Tableeghi Jamaat bookies are involved in Bob woolmer`s murder.