Splinter

Mostly good and some parts cliched. Let me know if you are interested in feedback.

this is a beautiful short story. Lovely.

I love that the ballad of John and Aaleen is not cut and dry. It is very human. The issues are not logical, but emotional.

Aaleen feels different and apart now, it is not the same, and perhaps never will be. It is not John`s fault, but he is certainly part of the larger picture in which she feels she no longer belongs.

A companion piece to this would be Mohsin Ahmed`s ``The reluctant fundamentalist``.

The story shows a nuanced depth, and I look forward to reading more from you.

--cheers
TSm

Reading between the lines. Glimpses of the obvious yet oblivious. Multi-faceted realities. Quiet, reassuring tingles of attachment. Colors of flora. Eternity traced backwards. Sinking restlessness. To feel free. Hope. Love.

Some of the phrases and terms that I became momentarily and consciously aware of as I read through this story. I hope that you will continue to write. After all, humans need soul-food, too, every now and then.

Peace!

Desi Jane Fonda marries Amrikkan and lives happily ever after – or at least until 9/11 comes along, which is a watershed event.

9/11 was a watershed event, for sure. It came like a deluge and ruined many lives – mostly small lives.

Hating is wrong. Stereotyping is wrong.

Yet, everybody does it – at least unconsciously. Education makes little difference – it only provides a “polish” so people can express their biases in more socially-acceptable ways.

All marriages are compromises – a compromising of individual differences – which can be traced a bit to upbringing but are mostly a gift from nature. The differences get more accentuated when lives are subjected to stress. Fifty percent of American marriage shall end up in a divorce! Cultural differences impose stress. Cataclysmic events aided by cultural differences play havoc on human-to-human relationships.

Yet some relationships shall endure – some would not. What makes a relationship go one way or the other is rooted into individual differences and blaming 9/11 is at best a cop-out! The essence of a successful marriage is a conscious subordination of one’s individuality to the needs of others – for the greater good! Not everyone has the ability of such sacrifice. Human nature is by and large selfish.

Next!

“…starched white cloth covering her…” WHAT?

What a sneaky, but surefire way to get the interest of the old fogies of the chowk world all perked up – and now starting to hum…

…abhie to main jawaan hoon!

And a cup of tea to top it all off! The husbands of the world who take the trouble to make tea for their wives shall forever triumph!

Zahra Romana, you are off the hook! You have redeemed yourself.

#1 Neembu

[Let me know if you are interested in feedback.]

Aah, nothing like the feedback of a lemon!

Or was that a lemon of a feedback?!!

Touching story, hope you write more

You write beautifully.

yawn .....

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there is something wrong with the narrator. sounds like a surrogate of Aaleen character trying to write her story in a third-person. Not to mention Aaleen seems very very much into arundhati-roy-like writing.


``but even those names have been taken over and absorbed into this country which leeches things from everywhere and spits them out indifferently.``

``I`m American, our names don`t mean anything.`` -- Pulp Fiction. [same idea, different tone]

Re: # 9

`#9 by echoboom on May 24, 2007 4:55am PT

Looks like the KanjarR class of Pakiland is trying to rear its ugly head here.

They must be exposed & demoralised so that they do not spread their westoxicated toxic-waste among muslim women.

Get lost .

Go back to your white-trash trailer-boy scum.`

Brother Boom,

What exactly is the issue here? Pakistani girl should not marry white guy? Muslim girl should not marry white guy? What about the other way around?

Brother, use this board to articulate your concerns in non-cliched terms, since there is no other discussion about this article..

PS. Tazeen moTo, are you envious to see love in this article?!

Re: # 11
Thanks Kaka-I thought Echoboom Sahib`s ``enlightened`` post had been banned, no doubt for being too ``enlightening``.

I supposed if the white, male protagonist had been Muslim, there would have been an italicized, multi colored, 22 font paaen to the glories of the umma and conversion. I would have looked forward to the resonance of Boom Bomb Chacha`s 3rd grade punctuation around the idea how the Umma works for against class stratification.

But I guess as the protag may not have converted (which is the wrong assumption to make, given our hypocritical religious and cultural policing of the female half of the Muslim world), Boom Boom Chacha found the necessary spirit in his ``Muslim`` heart to condemn another character as ``trash``....

irony, indeed.

nice, well written ......... i enjoyed it, but i can see why echo`s wilted muslim manhood would feel threatened by it ........ it is bad enough that they have all the money and all the toys, but now they are coming after our women .......... as much as we love our sheep and camels, a woman comes in handy for cooking, cleaning and procreation without unnecessary foreplay and all that other nonsense like calling them `honey` and making them a cup of tea .......

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#13 Hamidm2

[making them a cup of tea...]

...EVERY morning!

For the rest of their lives.

I do believe that it is strictly an Indian trait, though!

Like somebody once said...

...bandar kya jaaney, adrakh ka swaad!...

Take a good look, mian! And try not to cry!

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