The Horse and The Zebra

Chowk Staff,

Thanks for publishing the story. The description that you added (``Short Story``) should have been ``A Longish Short Story`` :)

..............``Zebras never become pets and tools like horses.”

Fiction aside, I wait for others to comment if this is a fact.

In my opinion, the land where zebras are found are horse itself is not a prized species..and maybe not even found!

There used to be a ``Zebra`` trade-mark ink in Pakistan...during the fountain-pen era. They had a Zebra driven delivery carriage.

We always wondered whether the stripes were real or marked by ``Zebra`` ink ..to advertise the power of the ink.

Now I think , it must have been a Zebra..because it would have been quite a task to do that...besides in sun , rain, & dust it was bound to fade.

---

.

I do not mind Zebras being Zebras refusing to be tamed...but they should not smoke hash
while accepting pet-food from their parents.

THe westoxicated scum is truly is a con artist....he wants to be a Zebra while making an ass of himself.

Re: # 2

Echoboom:

I really don`t care what names you call me but do you think that its a decent thing to do to give the ending of the story away?

Regards,

Rafi Aamer

rafi-aamer:

No bad intent there & you were NOT called any names...just a tinka in your darRhee.

Once looking at the length of the story, I immediately scrolled to see the answer. Human failing suppose.....

No one would have noticed if I gave away the ending..had you yourself had not brought it to everyones notice.

dear rafi....a wonderful short/long story. your analogies of horse and zebra for traditional

and creative (non-traditional) people are wonderful. creative people have to pay a price to

be non-traditional. i hope you keep on writing essays and stories and not be discouraged

by the criticism...all the best...sohail

A really well written story-one of the psychologically complex, well structured and emotionally present pieces to be published on Chowk. Almost perfect.

Re: # 6

correction: A really well written story-one of the most psychologically complex

also, aamer sahib, you ought to start shopping this around to literary mags and publications in the US.

Sohail and neembu,

Thanks. I am glad you liked it.

Rafi Aamer

Rafi Amer:

I`ll be honest. I enjoyed the story and was taken in by the end. Till I read Echobbom`s comment...

``
I do not mind Zebras being Zebras refusing to be tamed...but they should not smoke hash
while accepting pet-food from their parents. ``

You have to be intellectually honest and admit that Echoboom`s comment is right on the money and it does rob Shazi of sympathy.

Rafi Sahib,
Excellent peace of writing. Ending was great good job and please keep it up.

Question so which character would you think was the zebra and who was the horse?
I would say shazi was the zebra and you were the horse? am I right.

This is like Shahab meets Ashfaq meets Banu Qudsia meets AN Qasmi meets Munnu Bhai all rolled into one. I don`t like it. There is no story here, it is more like a cliched character sketch peppered with obligatory details of the narrator. But for chowk standards - it`s definitely one of the tops. Please, keep writing.

Re: # 11 by MaulaJutt

Thanks. And you are right.

Re: # 12

Just for the sake of discussion, do you think this is really cliched? I found the nuances of the protectiveness of Shazi`s friends to be fairly accurate. Also, good discussion of addiction, depression and how these aspects are enabled by his fam who dont seem to know how to address Shazi`s issues. This enablement, codependency, whatever you want to call it, would be totally acceptable if Shazi did all the ``right`` things for his parents.

Re: # 10 by stuka.

Thanks for your honest feedback.

Echoboom`s observation is based on an assumption, one which I had addressed in the first draft but then removed it. In a short story, which is already too long to be qualified as a short one, I didn`t have room enough to cover every possible base. The pet-food thing was one of those bases.

Thanks again for the feedback.

Rafi

Re: # 12 by Raw Dust

Thanks for your feedback. This was my very first attempt at fiction and I intend to follow your advice of keep writing. Who knows, I might one day succeed to unroll and separate all the people you have mentioned. :)

Rafi