The Choice of Leading a Gay Life

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As a gay man who discarded my Roman Catholicism in my mid-20s (why did I take so long?) when I came out, I'm constantly exasperated by the way so many religions - Christianity and (even more?), Islam in particular - talk about BEING gay as a choice. The heading of this thread is accurately expressed - the choice we actually have is to (a) pretend to be hetero. (b) suppress all our sexual instincts and live an asexual, celibate life, or (c) to be true to ourselves and attempt to live emotionally and physically fulfilled. This is not even slightly recognised in either the Bible or the Koran which both treat us as making the 'evil choice' of DECIDING to be homosexual, as though we could just as easily have chosen to be hetero, which is one of several reasons which leads me to believe that whoever wrote the words of the Bible and the Koran, it certainly wasn't the 'Creator' (if there is one) - the author clearly not having a clue about the nature of sexuality, talking as though we find men and women equally sexually attractive and should decide to follow the one 'permitted' way in the same way that, well, that I have decided to be a veggie. Well, I for one certainly can't claim to be bi-sexual. You'd think that if being gay was so wrong, there would at least be some acknowledgment that we should be afforded GREATER understanding not LESS - or even no understanding at all, as is almost exclusively preached. No, my homosexuality is as integral to my being as is my swarthy colour - I don't want to change either, and I wouldn't even if I could!

I'm glad that the debate of homosexuality has finally come to the fore. The entire incidence has directed the countrys attention to this issue- an issue that has always been swept under the carpet. Keep the debate alive- till the shock subsides.

Thanks to the chowk staff to publish the write-up and cheers to everyone for reading and taking intrest in it . I got almost 30-40 emails .. regarding the article.
cheers.

Yeah we are sexually active. Its intresting , we started out to have sex at the start of relationship then its twice or thrice a week maybe more after five year of relationship.
Cheers

sufi soul

waht about life BEFORE death!

would you want your sister to be married to a gay guy, so that his family can keep society happy? No you wouldn't so dont contribute to the situation where this happens...

Why would anyone CHOOSE to be gay... what a stupid idea, who the hell wants to go thru all that trouble... sexuality is NOT A CHOICE...

the only ones that can choose are bisexuals cause they can be with anyone, heteros and homos dont have that choice

I suspect some of the facts are incorrect.

1) Shumail is a transgendered man and it is a trans issue as oppsoed to a lesbian one.

2) The Supreme Court granted them bail.

3) The father was not as much concerned about lesbianism, a charge he brought forth, as on the fact he couldn't marry his daughter to pay off the uncle's debts.

I had written this earlier but something strange happened and twice my response came out the way it did.

Please see my ilogs for more information on homosexuality and Pakistan and general information in the Muslim context.

While generally I can understand where you are coming from, there is some element in your article that I am not comfortable with, principally being the use of the word 'girlie'. I think that ought not to have been there.

Some men are feminine and some women masculine, like orientation, gender too lies on a spectrum.

Finally, I do not agree that some people can think whatever they wish to think about gays. If people mentioned negative things about Jews, they'd be charged with anti-semitism. It should be no different in the case of sexual minorities as well.

Hi Kamran, Thank you SOOO much for writing this article. I myself wanted to speak about the couples ordeal in dawn but choose to remain slient seeing the homophobia in Pakistan. I am a gay male of Pakistani origin in canada and let me tell Pakistanis a few things. There are so many things wrong with the verdict and I ma happy Pakistan didnt stone them like Iran. In Iran for example sex change is allowed to that couple would be valid. Second, most arab countries say even Oman allow homosexual relaions as in prostitutes over women. Not to mention how much homosexuality exists in our society. And btw where is Pakistans own culture. I can come to canada and get canadian citizenship but not arab. Why do we have this fascination of becoming arab to be musliom..where is our pAKISTANIYAT..TURKS DONT WANNA BE ARABS. plz open up and develop as a society, God look at how afgahnistan's kicked ur ass since the american moved in and u just have towait and see where that country willbe in five years. Learn Pakistanis learn, cuz those who dont learn from history are forced to live it!

mr u write da article very well.u explained ur views ur points very well.BUT u should know it dat along wid all of its bad things,all of its actions dat our govet had done against islam but still it is ISLAMIC REPUBLIC.Still there BAAMAL muslims although few but they are.HOMOSEXUALITY is something strictly forbidden by ALLAH.N IF U search da history u will find such examples where there in nations started this gr8 sin they fall victims of da QEHER OF ALLAH''.ALLAH HAd given us signals through da 8th october earthquake abt our wrong doings.its da signal to lead our selves on the right path.I WILL SAY THAT AS TODAY WE ARE UNDER SUCH DISGUSTING LEADERSHIP IS BECAUSE OF OUR SINS.AND THE THING WHOM U R FAVOURING IS GREATEST OF ALL SINS.think abt DA LIFE AFTER DEATH...

mr u write da article very well.u explained ur views ur points very well.BUT u should know it dat along wid all of its bad things,all of its actions dat our govet had done against islam but still it is ISLAMIC REPUBLIC.Still there BAAMAL muslims although few but they are.HOMOSEXUALITY is something strictly forbidden by ALLAH.N IF U search da history u will find such examples where there in nations started this gr8 sin they fall victims of da QEHER OF ALLAH''.ALLAH HAd given us signals through da 8th october earthquake abt our wrong doings.its da signal to lead our selves on the right path.I WILL SAY THAT AS TODAY WE ARE UNDER SUCH DISGUSTING LEADERSHIP IS BECAUSE OF OUR SINS.AND THE THING WHOM U R FAVOURING IS GREATEST OF ALL SINS.think abt DA LIFE AFTER DEATH...

Recently a lesbian (gay) couple was arrested in Faisalabad, Their relative relatives learned of this pretty late in the game but as soon as it was discovered they lodged a FIR against Here I would like to add that even with repeated efforts and an offer for large sum as guarantee the bailiff refused to grant bail to the couple I know a lot of my friends who came out of closet and actually dared to tell their parents about their sexuality; most of them were accepted but not without trouble ever since; if not from their fathers, then from their mothers if not from their parents then from their siblings. To me homosexuality develops with events Being Gay to me is choosing an alternate life style and its not being ‘girlie’ (nothing like Begum Nawazish Ali),

Recently a lesbian (gay) couple was arrested in Faisalabad, Their relative relatives learned of this pretty late in the game but as soon as it was discovered they lodged a FIR against Here I would like to add that even with repeated efforts and an offer for large sum as guarantee the bailiff refused to grant bail to the couple I know a lot of my friends who came out of closet and actually dared to tell their parents about their sexuality; most of them were accepted but not without trouble ever since; if not from their fathers, then from their mothers if not from their parents then from their siblings. To me homosexuality develops with events Being Gay to me is choosing an alternate life style and its not being ‘girlie’ (nothing like Begum Nawazish Ali),

Re: # 9 Wow!

Biology and the 'she couple'

By Charles Ferndale

(The writer has a master's in clinical psychology from the Institute of Psychiatry, University of London and a bachelor's in physiology, psychology and philosophy from Oxford University. Email: charlesferndale@yahoo.co.uk)

The criminal conviction of the so-called 'same sex' couple, Shumail Raj and Shehzina Tariq, of perjury and the sentencing of them to three years (in separate prisons) was a barbarous act, uninformed by justice, simple decency or science. But if you, the reader, do not already think so, then my saying so is unlikely to persuade you to change your mind. Nevertheless, I hope some real science might persuade you to see that the case in question should be appealed immediately and the couple set free while a new trial is prepared. I hope this short article might help to re-open the case and contribute, if only slightly, to a fairer trial next time. Ideally the charges against the couple should be dropped entirely, so there is no need for a new trial. This couple should never have been brought to trial.

Click here to read the rest of the article.

In searching for the article on the biology of gender i mentione earlier, I came across this post, which I think is really worth a thread of its own:

This is in response to Fatima Bhutto's above-titled article published on June 3. The article has hurt my feelings and the feelings of millions of Pakistanis who believe in the family system. The writer gives an example of her teacher, Professor Dennis Dalton, who encountered a man picking his nose on a bus and did not say anything to him because his action was not harming the society. I would like to inform the learned columnist that same sex marriage is a lot worse than picking one's nose in public and definitely harms the moral fabric of the society. If the writer appreciates such actions she should do so within the walls of her own house and has no right to hurt our feelings. We are simple straight people and please let us remain so. Don't make a Mukhtaran Mai out of Shehzina and Shumail.

Engr Faraz Ahmad

Rawalpindi