Solace

Good Lord, Rukhsana, this is scary!

[is it pain?? If it is, what sort of pain is it?? ]

How the heck did you read my thoughts even before I could read your piece?!

This was very nice.

Rukhsana

This is very good for a first attempt. Please continue.

Just grab us with the first sentence next time :)
with much respect,
thinking storm

@ Re #1

well its not unfortunate that ur interact is not gonna praise wat i have written, criticism is more important than praise, provided criticism is constructive!!

it was my first attempt though!!

one advise if you don't mind .one must weep in such a situation loudly like thunderstorm and ansoo would clear every thing!

Rukhsana-

To create something is a beautiful feeling. I hope you had that beautiful feeling and enjoyed it.

Unfortunately, this interact is not one that will be full of praise.

Being Desis, we always seem to gravitate towards the political articles, it gives us something to argue about. So short stories and other creative work is going un-noticed. Could it be that the quality of the creative work leaves much to be desired?

Back to your story. It is a short story. It should grab me from the first line. Unfortunately, your story does not do that. In fact, even though I tried (and trust me, at least I tried), it failed to get me interested. The first paragraph itself is repetitive, poorly structured, and dull.

The worst thing you can do in this ADD world, is to publish something that does not grab us (the distracted reader) in the first line.

Looking forward to seeing something more interesting from you.

with much respect,
thinking storm