The Disturbed

#19 Posted by mangotree on January 16, 2008 10:37:13 am

okay, ayesha, hoping the same here, may your muse keeps visiting you. Keep up the good work.

#18 Posted by verve on December 29, 2007 10:43:07 am

Re: # 17 kalihawa, thank you for reading the story.

#17 Posted by kalihawa on December 28, 2007 3:32:35 am

Very good!

Just one disconnect. Not enough reason for doctor suddenly asking for sister’s email id and telephone no.

And last line is redundant.

#16 Posted by verve on December 26, 2007 8:39:28 pm

Re: # 14 raiya_23, That is true if you are friends with your sister than you are really close. Marriage is a gamble you can't say will you lose or win :)

#15 Posted by verve on December 26, 2007 8:31:03 pm

Re: # 13 ejazharoon, thanks for appreciating the effort :)

#14 Posted by raiya_23 on December 26, 2007 8:00:25 am

Amazing!!!...you have depicted the girl`s condition really well & as 4 attachment btwn sisters I know how it feels cz i hav one & she is like my personal diary..plus indirectly u have pointed out another harsh reality ...i read somewhere 85% of the women r emotionally & mentally tortured after marriage...sad..

#13 Posted by ejazharoon on December 25, 2007 12:00:39 pm

Good portrayal of the seductive-though-somewhat-unbalanced female. Not that there's anything unique to women when it comes to being attractive yet a little unwell.

#12 Posted by verve on December 20, 2007 2:37:38 am

Re: # 11 Thank you rahul_capri for dropping in. I really appreciate your critique.

#11 Posted by rahul_capri on December 19, 2007 11:47:36 pm

Ayesha, Though the story is technically okay;my problem with it is that its too generic.It doesnt have an identity.How is it different from any other account of a disturbed person? It turns out to be as an assembly line production;which in itself is not a bad thing.Its probably me who expects something more from a story.

#10 Posted by verve on December 19, 2007 9:38:48 am

Re: # 8 rozaiba, thank you for liking the story. Could you please be specific that why these two lines should have been omitted?

#9 Posted by verve on December 19, 2007 9:36:49 am

Re: # 7 catfischblues, Thank you for your comments.

#8 Posted by rozaiba on December 18, 2007 12:25:07 am

Good story.

"“I know it has been on the net. I read the obituary and the local news as well. It often happens the loved one can’t accept the loss and…”"

The first two lines should have been omitted.

#7 Posted by catfischblues on December 17, 2007 10:42:40 pm

I liked this one. The writer succesfully painted the picture. I loved the decription of the rain. I could almost feel the rain tapping gently on my window- this is work of a good writer

#6 Posted by verve on December 13, 2007 12:32:44 am

Re: # 5 Thank you SamaKhan :)