Psychology of Men's Honour and Women's Sexuality

Re: #70,

There is also the Western concept of companionate (aka 'love marriage') vs. the Eastern concept of non-companionate marriages. In, e.g., S. Asia the idea of a wife was not of a 'partner in life' but someone to do the housework and bear children. Societies that wall of women, e.g., the Zenana, invariably have noncompanionate marriages and much lower status of women. Of course, in Europe, the artistocracy married off their daughters for political/dynastic reasons and those marriages usually worked as well as many Eastern ones.

Re: # 69
dear hurricane...these days i am writing for
clarington durham region humanists
www.cdrh.humanists.ca
that is where i live in canada
and we are creating a Humanist Hub
our next seminar on feb 8th would be on Charles Darwin to celebrate his birthday. maybe you can visit that site and attend our friendly seminar
i agree with you that divorce is far better than honour killing
have you read what bertrand russell said about marriage
...chains of marriage are so heavy it takes two to carry them sometimes three
sincerely
sohail

# 67

culture = collective mind
mind = individual mind

individual mind is EMBEDDED within the collective mind
mind # static , it is dynamic-living thing

mind can be found in ONLY TWO states
either it is evolving-growing or
it is devolving-shrinking !

both collective mind & individual mind are struggling to influence-shape each other

muslim culture is more overpowering than individual muslim mind. It shapes-manipulates & uses individual muslim mind for its OWN ENDS (mostly political in nature)
the collective muslim mind does not tolerate being questioned-challenged by individual muslim minds.
It takes "practical steps" to ELIMINATE such minds.

In western societies, individualism rules.
individual minds are more strong than the collective mind (too weak to shape-influence individual minds)
individual minds are free to question the wisdom of the collective mind-cultures.

Re: # 70 nb,

I agree with that.

I would also like to point out to Akhanusa that divorce rates are not as bad as honor killing rates.

Now you could argue that domestic homicide cases per Capita are equal to the honor killing / domestic violence in Pakistan, etc (I don't know the numbers and am not asserting anything) , then you would be comparing oranges with oranges.

Divorce rates. pfffftttt....

Akhanusa, I think divorce rates are higher in the west primarily because women have more economic and social freedom and do not have to put up with bad marriages, which most eastern women accept because they have no other option. According to the statistics, women are more often the ones asking for a marriage to be ended. I once read, "only Americans expect to be happy"; and there is some truth in that.The economic and scientific progress that western countries have seen has not occurred in a vacuum; it is because the situation in their society has been conducive to this. If their values were to change into Pakistan's or even India's, they wouldn't be finding cures for cancer or new planets either.

Dear dr. sohail,

do humanists make good friends? Is the "Family of the hearts" a cult?

As you know, I pay great attention to pictures. The pictures on the "family of the hearts" look a bit shady...why are these people grinning?

Is this like Rosemary's baby? You know? A gang of people facilitating the birth of anti christ?

My dear Dr. Sohail sahib what a perceptive gentle soul you are trying to teach in the most rational and kind way the incorrigible Muslim male chauvinist pigs from the pig pens of India and Pakistan something unteachable -- to go easy on their wives and daughter -- not strangle them for not wearing hijab -- and not shoot them for wanting to lead against a cruel male dictatorship

A dictatorship that blames the women victims for their rape and and murder -- ("they asked for it - Mukhtaran and Shazia for visa to Canada, Benazir for pmship") -- shows no remorse for what happened to the one and the only Muslim woman who dared to defy the male chauvinist swines.

you are a great social psychiatrist -- very learned and very articulate -- more power to you.

Dr Sohail,

Is religion to blame for this mindset or is it just a case of tribal customs refusing to evolve?

"I could not convince them that it was quite natural and healthy for young boys and girls to socialize with each other and date so that they could
get to know each other and make wise choices about their life partners."


Not sure if interaction between young boys and girls can be as healthy as author thinks. If this is so then why there is such
a high divorce rate in the west?

Re: # 64
dear khurram...thank you for your comments and your genuine question. in human psychology there are two schools of thought.
one school focuses on large numbers of people or patients... hundreds even thousands and collects statistics and reports the results. for example suicide rate in canada is average 10 per 100,000 population. newfoundland has 4 per 100,000 lowest in the world. those studies are epidemeological studies and reflect certain trends like polls for american elections before the real elections.

the second school that Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung and many other psychologists belong they pick one case or a few cases and analyze their behaviours, thought patterns and conflicts and give their analysis or impressions. they believe if you undrstand one case thoroughly...one schizophrenic, one depressed, one paranoid person, others are variations of that. it is a philosophical and psychological approach that offers theories. these theories are part of philosophy not hard core science like biology and physics. they are pragmatic and helps therapists to help understand the dynamics and reduce the emotional suffering. it also helps to resolve conflicts and improve the quality of life.
exp freud knew a depressed woman who was in an abusive marriage. after divorce she killed herself. other psychologists said she committed suicide, he said she comitted homicide. when asked to explain he said she hated her husband so much that even after divorce she found herself thinking about him all the times. she realized that becuase she lived with him for so many years she had psychologically internalized him and the only way to get rid of him was to kill him inside her and the only way she could do that was to kill herself.

now this is a theory you can agree or disagree. to agree you have to believe in unconscious mind and many other defence mechanisms.

i belong to the second group. based on my personal and professional experiences i develop some insights that help me in helping others and i share my insights and impressions with others in my books and essays. my colleagues and patients and friends find my ideas very helpful in their lives. i never insist that my theories are correct or are the last word. they are my ideas and i share so that they open up a genuine dialogue about human psychology and relationships. human psychology is still a developing field as it is closer to philosophy than biology and we are learning more with passage of time.
unfortunately many research workers in psychology use such an academic language that one phd can only communicate with another phd, one professor with another professor. i try to share my ideas in lay man's terms so that more and more people can understand them and can use them in their lives.
i believe in public education about mental health that is why i made documentaries about depression and domestic violence etc.
thanks once again.
from a humable student fascinated by the mysteries of the human mind, personality and psychology. sohail

drsohail,

I know you don't interact with masadi because of his abrasive style. But there is one issue that he has brought up several times that I think deserves an answer.
You have made it clear in your articles that your views are often derived from one-on-one interactions with your friends, acquaintances and patients. You then extrapolate from these individual interactions to make statements about larger sets of people.
How valid is this methodology? Does it have limitations? How does it compare to the methods of sociologists?
Thanks

Re: # 62 dr.sohail

I wouldn't fall for that ploy.

A couple of elderly ladies became serial killers here in So-Cal, pulling the same trick on homeless people.

Take out a life insurance on the bum, and then kill him.

Let's just say, I ain't no bum, and I am on to this trick.

Re: # 61
dear hurricane ,,,if i had a magazine i will make you the editor...but ask you to take life insurance before starting the job..sohail

Re: # 60 dr. Sohail,

I just saw my previous post and am really saddened by my own display of paindu-ness and illiteracy. "worthwhile and timely" and "right" (not "write") are the corrections.

As you can guess, with such questionable writing skills, no magazine or paper would ever hire me.

Re: # 58
dear hurricane..you were missing them so they came to chowk to challenge you...smiles...which newspaper or magazine do you write for? sincerely sohail

Re: # 58
dear hurricane..you were missing them so they came to chowk to challenge you...smiles...which newspaper or magazine do you write for? sincerely sohail