The Irreverent Hero Islam Forgot

Cheema sahib,

Surely MAJ was Islam's greatest leader since the rightly guided Caliphs.

(but you are adament he wasn't a murtid!)

You can contact Atif Payee for details to show that he was a true Muslim.

Regards

Re: # 153

Massaddin Mian:

"...I am on the right side in this battle, the side of light and not the darkness, barbarism, destruction...."

This one-liner is so from Bollywood "C" movies.

You cannot even plagiarize from a decent source. At least try Hollywood movie one-liners. Please take classes from Salim Sahib on creativity. These days, Salim is in a fighting mood.

Re: # 177
Majumdar Bhai,

My intention here was NOT to prove if he was a "pukka musalman" or otherwise.

I think you know very well what I was trying to say!

Cheers.

akcheema "Besides who is to decide how it should be spelt; that is not the original language of the text and it can potentially be spelt any way appropriate to convey the message as with any other proper noun."

It is unfortunate that the mullahs having too much time on their hand would make an issue of the spelling of Quran/Koran. Comprehension is what it should be about. If you are writing for a Western audience, the are most familiar with Koran, they would not as easily understand Qur'an- so while writing for them as audience I use Koran (as you will see all over my website), while writing for Muslims, who cares how you spell it, you can spell it as "Q" and they would understand it...more important things to argue over people than this....time to get past this mullah syndrome...

Anil writes "This one-liner is so from Bollywood "C" movies. "

I don't watch Bollywood movies A, B or C I have better things to do with my time than worry about saas bahoo ke batin and song and dance....now get off my goddamned case you a-hole.

Re: # 115

hamidm,

if ever i am in the area you live in (detroit) i will let you know and we can meet for dinner. to visit the honourable shaykh kabbani would be a pleasure...

asif :-)

tahir writes "Enough for one day; I must now return to getting CHOWK editors to publish what appears to have been consumed by their office 'bakri' as part of Operation Cleanup.."

Does that mean the half a dozen articles of mine that they censored for no reason other than to block my voice and ideas will be published on Chowk? Regime change for Chowk is what is needed to get it back in line with its constitutional claim of "all are welcome to read, write and think."

#176 Posted by akcheema

The man was an agnostic, drank and ate pork/ham openly; married a Parsi girl and produced a Parsi child. Couldn't even say "Namaz/Salat".

err ... you forgot one thing ... that he also kicked out and disowned from his inheritance his only child, a daughter, for marrying a Christian without turning him into Muslamaan first.

Besides, there you go again with deliberate and malicious disinformation. Everyone knows he converted Rutti to Musalmaan before marriage.

No one knows who really Jinnah was, except perhaps Dina, and Allama Iqbal, in my view the greatest Muslim who lived this side of 11th century, who handpicked him to lead the Musalmaans of British subcontinent for some reason only he knew.

But for God's sake I don't want to start a debate on who Jinnah really was otherwise the bhartis will jump in.

... of-course majumdar dada is exempted ... but he'll just lure in yelping pups like bjkumar etc ... LoL

#172 Posted by akcheema

And keep your hands off other people's wives for God's sake!

I'm not eying his wife. I have sympathy with Mrs. Hamidm2 being stuck with a wise-cracking murtid loser. I would be glad to offer her a better husband when she kicks him out with his clothes and a bottle of cheap whiskey in a brown paper bag.

... I did cuss his (presumably imaginary) daughters though (for which I profusely apologized later) whom he was gleefully teaching to write messages on israeli artillery shells headed towards Lebanese civilians.

Re: # 80

"ekalvya,

.... i just had a thought .... are you thinking of reverting to islam and then going on the masjid lecture circuit to make the big bucks ?........ muslims really lap up that kind of stuff, but you will have to get in line behind white men and women - a desi convert is not that much of a novelty .... i think you can make a lot more money if you follow in the footsteps of yogananda and maharishi - there is a bigger market for hindoo nonsense in places like california ....."

haha...Hamidm you are
incorrigible ...

http://drvasu.wordpress.com/2007/10/25/concept-of-god-osho-islam-zakir-naik-and- the-acid-test/


This explains Abrahamic religious mumbo-jumbo.... migh help not only Ek but Anek Aagh Lawya.

Picked up from http://www.jhuger.com/kisshank.php

This morning there was a knock at my door. When I answered the door I found a well groomed, nicely dressed couple. The man spoke first:

John: "Hi! I'm John, and this is Mary."

Mary: "Hi! We're here to invite you to come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Pardon me?! What are you talking about? Who's Hank, and why would I want to kiss His ass?"

John: "If you kiss Hank's ass, He'll give you a million dollars; and if you don't, He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "What? Is this some sort of bizarre mob shake-down?"

John: "Hank is a billionaire philanthropist. Hank built this town. Hank owns this town. He can do whatever He wants, and what He wants is to give you a million dollars, but He can't until you kiss His ass."

Me: "That doesn't make any sense. Why..."

Mary: "Who are you to question Hank's gift? Don't you want a million dollars? Isn't it worth a little kiss on the ass?"

Me: "Well maybe, if it's legit, but..."

John: "Then come kiss Hank's ass with us."

Me: "Do you kiss Hank's ass often?"

Mary: "Oh yes, all the time..."

Me: "And has He given you a million dollars?"

John: "Well no. You don't actually get the money until you leave town."

Me: "So why don't you just leave town now?"

Mary: "You can't leave until Hank tells you to, or you don't get the money, and He kicks the shit out of you."

Me: "Do you know anyone who kissed Hank's ass, left town, and got the million dollars?"

John: "My mother kissed Hank's ass for years. She left town last year, and I'm sure she got the money."

Me: "Haven't you talked to her since then?"

John: "Of course not, Hank doesn't allow it."

Me: "So what makes you think He'll actually give you the money if you've never talked to anyone who got the money?"

Mary: "Well, He gives you a little bit before you leave. Maybe you'll get a raise, maybe you'll win a small lotto, maybe you'll just find a twenty-dollar bill on the street."

Me: "What's that got to do with Hank?"

John: "Hank has certain 'connections.'"

Me: "I'm sorry, but this sounds like some sort of bizarre con game."

John: "But it's a million dollars, can you really take the chance? And remember, if you don't kiss Hank's ass He'll kick the shit out of you."

Me: "Maybe if I could see Hank, talk to Him, get the details straight from Him..."

Mary: "No one sees Hank, no one talks to Hank."

Me: "Then how do you kiss His ass?"

John: "Sometimes we just blow Him a kiss, and think of His ass. Other times we kiss Karl's ass, and he passes it on."

Me: "Who's Karl?"

Mary: "A friend of ours. He's the one who taught us all about kissing Hank's ass. All we had to do was take him out to dinner a few times."

Me: "And you just took his word for it when he said there was a Hank, that Hank wanted you to kiss His ass, and that Hank would reward you?"

John: "Oh no! Karl has a letter he got from Hank years ago explaining the whole thing. Here's a copy; see for yourself."
From the Desk of Karl

1. Kiss Hank's ass and He'll give you a million dollars when you leave town.
2. Use alcohol in moderation.
3. Kick the shit out of people who aren't like you.
4. Eat right.
5. Hank dictated this list Himself.
6. The moon is made of green cheese.
7. Everything Hank says is right.
8. Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
9. Don't use alcohol.
10. Eat your wieners on buns, no condiments.
11. Kiss Hank's ass or He'll kick the shit out of you.

Me: "This appears to be written on Karl's letterhead."

Mary: "Hank didn't have any paper."

Me: "I have a hunch that if we checked we'd find this is Karl's handwriting."

John: "Of course, Hank dictated it."

Me: "I thought you said no one gets to see Hank?"

Mary: "Not now, but years ago He would talk to some people."

Me: "I thought you said He was a philanthropist. What sort of philanthropist kicks the shit out of people just because they're different?"

Mary: "It's what Hank wants, and Hank's always right."

Me: "How do you figure that?"

Mary: "Item 7 says 'Everything Hank says is right.' That's good enough for me!"

Me: "Maybe your friend Karl just made the whole thing up."

John: "No way! Item 5 says 'Hank dictated this list himself.' Besides, item 2 says 'Use alcohol in moderation,' Item 4 says 'Eat right,' and item 8 says 'Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.' Everyone knows those things are right, so the rest must be true, too."

Me: "But 9 says 'Don't use alcohol.' which doesn't quite go with item 2, and 6 says 'The moon is made of green cheese,' which is just plain wrong."

John: "There's no contradiction between 9 and 2, 9 just clarifies 2. As far as 6 goes, you've never been to the moon, so you can't say for sure."

Me: "Scientists have pretty firmly established that the moon is made of rock..."

Mary: "But they don't know if the rock came from the Earth, or from out of space, so it could just as easily be green cheese."

Me: "I'm not really an expert, but I think the theory that the Moon was somehow 'captured' by the Earth has been discounted*7. Besides, not knowing where the rock came from doesn't make it cheese."

John: "Ha! You just admitted that scientists make mistakes, but we know Hank is always right!"

Me: "We do?"

Mary: "Of course we do, Item 7 says so."

Me: "You're saying Hank's always right because the list says so, the list is right because Hank dictated it, and we know that Hank dictated it because the list says so. That's circular logic, no different than saying 'Hank's right because He says He's right.'"

John: "Now you're getting it! It's so rewarding to see someone come around to Hank's way of thinking."

Me: "But...oh, never mind. What's the deal with wieners?"

Mary: She blushes.

John: "Wieners, in buns, no condiments. It's Hank's way. Anything else is wrong."

Me: "What if I don't have a bun?"

John: "No bun, no wiener. A wiener without a bun is wrong."

Me: "No relish? No Mustard?"

Mary: She looks positively stricken.

John: He's shouting. "There's no need for such language! Condiments of any kind are wrong!"

Me: "So a big pile of sauerkraut with some wieners chopped up in it would be out of the question?"

Mary: Sticks her fingers in her ears."I am not listening to this. La la la, la la, la la la."

John: "That's disgusting. Only some sort of evil deviant would eat that..."

Me: "It's good! I eat it all the time."

Mary: She faints.

John: He catches Mary. "Well, if I'd known you were one of those I wouldn't have wasted my time. When Hank kicks the shit out of you I'll be there, counting my money and laughing. I'll kiss Hank's ass for you, you bunless cut-wienered kraut-eater."

With this, John dragged Mary to their waiting car, and sped off.

Re: # 163
Mr. Zee, thanks for the pointers. Although I cannot see what's inside men's heart, I do have a keen sense of observation.

One must focus on delivering with consistency. You're right about who spells Qur'an as Koran. In my reply to Mr. Cheema I will solve the riddle for him--for good. I don't know anybody who spells it as Koran. Even when I was unaware of many things, I always felt that that was not the right way to spell it.

As for your suggestions to Mr. Cheema regarding the 'P'-envy issue, I must now bury my face into a feather-filled pillow to ensure that the sound of laughter does not reach Australia or wherever they spell it as Koran.

Regards.

Re: # 165
Mr.Cheema, your assertion that that's the way it is spelt everywhere is incorrect. The man who opened my eyes to meticulous English spellings for Arabic words is:

http://us.st11.yimg.com/us.st.yimg.com/I/islamicbookstore-com_1995_178688 0044

Not only has he spelt it as Qur'an, he uses a diacritical mark over the alphabet 'a' to show that it must be lengthened during pronunciation. He spelt Arabic words meticulously! Some languages are richer than others don't you agree?

As for Dawood's spelling:

"N.J. Dawood is perhaps the only Jew to have translated the Quran into English. Available in the Penguin edition, Dawood's translation, The Koran (London, 1956) is perhaps the most widely circulated non-Muslim English translation of the Quran. The author's bias against Islam is readily observable in the Introduction. Apart from adopting an unusual Sura order in his translation, Dawood is guilty also of having mistranslated the Quran in places such as Baqara II:9 and A'raf VII:31, etc."

Now THIS and much more is part of the information I have on various exegesists and translators from various sects and religions. I have personally checked most of the information for correctness.

Shall we consider the matter amicably settled now, or do you still insist on having duels with grown men?

Regards (I mean it).

Re: # 166
Wham-bam-thank-you-HamDamn2,

First Paki yourself some more. The word is PAKISTANI; say it aloud, don't be shy little boy.

Second, what is 'mo of mecca'? I've heard of a land where sons address their fathers as 'hey john' instead of abba.

Third, what you call 'petty things' cannot be understood by the mice of Shah Daulah. Brain-size matters!

Fourth, if you insist on calling God's Word 'silly book', I will neither foam at the mouth, nor come after you with a spanner to Detroit, but....leave you alone to be dealt with by your Creator (now I don't mean Uncle Sam here).

Fifth, may you prosper beyond fourth grade and have many men who would love to hold your hand and drive into the sunset, and then off into a cave.

Don't bother answering.

Peace now.