The Psychology of Mothering

#139 Campfollower Masadi: bark! bark!! i didnt read this post of yours either!! bark! bark!!

PS to others: being culturally sensitive, I try to throw in a few words of greeting in masadi's language.

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Hamid writes " a fool like masadi is convinced that the us elite is behind all evil on earth..."

When you have a global structure with the level of concentration never before seen in human history, of the economy, of the military and related industries, of information and of culture generation so that even the absurdly ignorant fools tout "globalization, globalization"- you know that decision having major consequences- country wiping out consequence, economic collapse world over consequences are caused by the relatively few that are at leadership position of those concentrated institutions- they are the elite who are responsible no doubt for major shocks and their consequences around the globe, Gul Zaman cannot move millions of soldiers half way across the globe and setup a network of military bases or determine trade ties that will make or break farmers now can he?

The little humanness left in your dung infested brain is crying out for release, it comes out sometimes in your writings like the one on Gul Zaman, don't feed it more shit, let it out- that is your only hope fool....

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Re: # 137
dear hamid m2....every human being has a unique way of experiencing and sharing love. every man has a unique experience of being a father. how do people explain their love for a wife, child or a stranger's child?. i agree with you we all have instincts to care about our families. but our culture is redefining our families.....broadening it and it is part of evolution of our culture..dear friend you do not have to agree with me and i am okay with that. i have no desire to convince you. i respect your ideas even when i disagree as it has been a genuine dialogue..i was reluctant but you insisted and thank you for the inspiration...sincerely.sohail

dr shohail sahib,

i beg to differ with your statement that "fathering feeling is attached to the children of the woman they love whether the child is their biological child or not does not matter"

......... love for a woman is a fleeting thing regardless of what mills and boon say about it - it is overly hyped, romanticized and commercialized by hallmark and the flower business ........ your guru, the crazy austrian, loved his sister-in-law more than his wife and prophets like abraham and mohammad were messing around with concubines like hagar and mariam even though they were in 'love' with their many wives .... however, they went almost went insane with grief when they lost a child ......

..... so, love for a woman can pass very quickly ....... but love for your child does not end just because you stop loving their mother ....... as mrs hamidm says, "men are scum, and if it wasn't for the children, most men would jump into the sack with the first bimbo who flashes a little cleveage!"

#134, tahmed32,
Did you read "Digging to America" by Anne Tyler? It's about two families who adopt Korean kids, and one family is Iranian. Doubtless the book has an explanation for this, but I couldn't read it despite all it's glowing reviews and despite my being a fan of the author's, because I couldn't get past the improbability of Iranians adopting a Korean child.

hamidm2, can I just say that Freud said did not once state that there is only sexual attraction in the parent-child relationship? I have heard paedophiles use Freud to explain their behaviour. I expect you to know better.
parthaab, how long do you intend to carry out this jihad against (mainly Indian)women?
mr cheema, sir,(you did say surgeon, right?) check out what Polynesians eat

#133 got messed up. here is the complete post:

Dr Sohail. Read your article. You are right that we are going through a historic time of change in attitudes towards childbearing.

In the US, many people have already moved beyond concepts of blood ties (or its extended version of tribal ties, ethnic ties, racial ties) and adopt children who have no relation to them. Some examples which made the news include the bangladeshi child adopted by McCain and the african child adopted by Angelina Jolie.

On the other hand, I have known only one Pakistani couple who adopted children who have no relation to them - virtually every other adoption has been of a nephew or neice whose parents are living but are not well off.

So - I think the concept of blood ties is overdone. Blood used to be thicker than water in traditional societies - not any more.

?) child adopted by Angelina Jolie).

On the other hand, I have known only one Pakistani couple who adopted children who have no relation to them - virtually every other adoption has been of a nephew or neice whose parents are living but are not well off.

So - I think the concept of blood ties is overdone. Blood used to be thicker than water in traditional societies - not any more.

Re: # 131; Correction...

only feel the 'attachment' is true; realistically

should read .....feel the 'attachment' after childbirth is true;......

Re: # 128; hamidm sahib; (Re:based on personal experience i am convinced that there is a lot more to a parent-child relationship than the simple sexual fantasies proposed by an austrian pervert ...)

Personal experience is exactly what carries the most weight here. The assertion that a father would only feel the 'attachment' is true; realistically that is the only time he is confronted with the reality; something the woman would be used to over the duration of the pregnancy. That alone is not a sufficient argument to discard your theory, as attempted by No: 129 by the author (though I don't doubt his sincerity for a minute).

I felt exactly what you described; if there is anything at all in life I am sure of, it is that I'd gladly sacrifice anything I possess without a second thought, including life itself, for my daughter. To name that emotion simply as an extention of the love for my wife is totally absurd.

Re: # 128; hamidm sahib

That is more or less what I was trying to say. I am glad I am at the the same wavelength with at least one other soul in the world at large!

Cheers

Re: # 121
dear hamid m2...i am a great supporter of fathering and encouraging that more fathers need to take part in parenting. but that is part of being cultured and civilized and for men to feel responsible. in my opinion for men to discover the biology of fathering was a mixed blessing
...on one hand they got more involved with parenting..a good development
...on the other hand they became more controlling as husbands and started giving their names to children...became part of patriarchal system
in many religious and cultural traditions children are known by their mothers. a jew is a jew whose mother is a jew. many muslims also believe that on the day of judgment they will be called by their mother's names.
some of my male friends told me that they did not feel the fathering emotional feeling...the bond... when their children were born but felt guilty and did not tell their wives but after a few weeks they felt a strong fathering...paternal feeling and were relieved.
all i am saying is that for a woman to carry a baby for 9 months is a very visceral and physical and emotional experience. it is not the same for the father. but i respect and admire those fathers who have the feeling and encourage and suport others to get involved with their children.
for many men the fathering feeling is attached to the children of the woman they love whether the child is their biological child or not does not matter.
all the best...sohail

Re: # 121

cheema sahib,

..... the problem with psychologists, sociologists and other social 'scientists' is that they all belong to one or the other school of thought which is based on a set of theories that a few 'gurus' have developed over time and which have been accepted as the gospel by a certain number of people ..... for every theory that you have out there, there are many others that are diametriclly opposite ........ in that respect, sociology and psycology are like religion ..... a fool like masadi is convinced that the us elite is behind all evil on earth, while another fool like tahmed is convinced that the moon god controls the universe without any help from his daughters .....

....... so doctor sohail might be wrong, but he is sincere in his opinion and i am sure some of his patients will respond to his psychotherapy techniques ....... others will end up in the looney bin or jump off the bridge - they would have been better off listening to a charlatan like dr deepak chopra or joining a yogananda ashram in montreal .....

........having said that, even real mind doctors (psychiatrists) are quacks as far as i am concerned - if you take way their prozac, ritalin and half a dozen other popular drugs they have nothing else to offer ......

.... as always, i have no real scientific evidence to offer but, based on personal experience i am convinced that there is a lot more to a parent-child relationship than the simple sexual fantasies proposed by an austrian pervert ...... dr. sohail is a good man, but we must take his advice with a truck load of salt or we will end up like tony soprano ..........