The Psychology of Mothering

Re: # 105

anil mian,

.... i did not say that i agree with gul rehman's logic - but it is hard for a guy to be 'logical' when all he is worried about is the next meal ...... people like tahmed and masadi belong in the same category - they are both delusional and out of touch with reality .........

hamidm #102
gul rehman may have struck you as a financial genius, but as i said and as Anil Sahib also believes, he is merely being short-sighted.

To illustrate the short-sightedness: if instead of one daughter you too were blessed with 5, like gul rehman. Now imagine (heaven forbid) it is not one but all 5 who are calling for help from the middle of the river. Perhaps you will jump 5 times as fast to help them - but regardless of your good intentions, no doubt you wont be able to save more than one or two.

Replace the river with real life. And maybe you will get a sense for how totally wrong you are.

Re: # 104

dr sohail sahib,

... i cannot let you wriggle out of this one ! ..... just disregard my humor and cynicism and answer the simple question : is 'motherhood' and 'fatherhood' a simple biological response or not ? .... my contention is that it is a primal instinct that does not require a whole lot of scientific and philosophical analysis .......

.....so, what is your answer ?

hamidm #101 your "now that we have set tahmed straight" reminds me of the senator who said "lets declare victory and get out of vietnam". I did not run away - I did not respond because I went out and planted a new tree on this beautiful sunny day. And hopefully this new tree will cleanse the air of the additional carbon dioxide that gul khan's continued production is going to contribute to the world your children will live in 20 years from now.

Re: # 102

Hamidm sahib:

"... "what if one of our daughters fell in, would you jump in" ..... without any hesitation i replied, " yes!" ......... "

Moral of the story is that father will, and husband might not. Instinct is primal, Dr. Watson. You proved it second time. Khalid sahib, might like to research it more in his practice.

Re: # 102

Hamidm sahib:

"... "what if one of our daughters fell in, would you jump in" ..... without any hesitation i replied, " yes!" ......... "

Moral of the story is that father will, and husband might not. Instinct is primal, Dr. Watson. You proved it second time. Khalid sahib, might like to research it more in his practice.

Re: # 91

Hamidm sahib:

"...gul rehman who seems to be a better economist than you, set me straight with some simple math ...... "

Gul Rehman's math may be right, but very short sighted. His economics of getting out of poverty is completely wrong. In bihari, fuedals called them "Daridra Narayan" - God of poverty - and worshipped them once a year.

Gul Rehman - like daridra narayan - is using his procreation to create more economic misery. Some God for sure, he is indeed on opium of procreation.

This is the tragedy, Hamidm sahib.

Tahmed sahib is showing a way. You are paying for books and tution for the kid (not for the marriage), and this retired Colonel is helping break this vicious addiction.

If you ever go to New Delhi, I will suggest you to visit a school, my mother had started 40 years ago. About 100 kids complete their middle school each year. That is 4,000 kids who could come out grinding poverty. This school has been empowering kids of Gul Rehmans (yes, 25% are muslim kids in this school) of New Delhi.

My elder sister who retired last year, the other still runs it, told me that many times kids come and touched her feet in public places to tell her that had it not been for the education they receieved, they would never have dreamt to become charterd accountant and be working in Dubai, or become an engineer etc.. Instead they would have remained a maali, sweeper (bhangi) or a driver much as their father.

One acid test, Hamidm Sahib, is that if Massaddi Mian agrees with you then what you are saying must not be entirely correct deduction. You should invite Tahmed sahib for your merlot sessions, and can buy me too if you ever come to San Francisco.

Sad part is that Massaddi Mians of the world are not teaching kids to be empowered.

I congratulate retired colonel sahib, who has converted a 50 year old building into a place better than any lal masjid, temple, gurudwara or church.

You should of course, charge him the rent, and use it to pay for more kids books and tuition. Colonel sahib can pay to fix plumbing, kids cannot afford to buy books and tuition. Also, let your daughters spend few weeks working at the school, and pursuade more Gul Rehmans. They need to be educated first. Your daughters can write great essay from their great experience for their applications to Ivy League admissions.

While there, please do not let Massaddi Mians come closer to them. Just a fatherly advice for independent daughters to have a value system.

Re: # 102
Dear hamidm2....it is not very often i am lost for words but now i am. your sense of humour is wonderful. keep entertaining and enlightening...all the best...sohail

Dear Dr. Sohail,
A good analysis in a summarized form. This is a non-conventional and controvertial (to some, not me)assessment, that reinforces your earlier psychological assessments of similar subjects.

A good read, indeed.

Najeeb Kazmi

sohail sahib,

... now that we have set tahmed straight, let us get back to te subject of 'mothering' .....

..... as on everything else, i have done extensive, if informal, research on this subject and come to the conclusion that 'mothering' and 'fathering' are the same phenomenon with a very large biological content ....... many years ago, when mrs hamidm was going through this stage of doubting my love and affection for her, she posed this question at the dinner table: "if i fell into a fast flowing and freezing cold river would you jump off a forty foot high bridge to save me?" ........ of course, my initial reaction was that she should learn to swim instead of asking such a stupid question, but discretion being the better part of valor, i replied after a little hesitation, "of course, i would" ........she didn't believe me and i myself had doubts about it as i did some quick mental math on the forty foot bridge, the temperature of water and the going rate for a new bride ......... then she asked me, "what if one of our daughters fell in, would you jump in" ..... without any hesitation i replied, " yes!" ......... i believed it and so did she ......

..... a few days later i was told this story to a close friend who was unmarried at that time, had a rather hedonistic life style and had no use for children and women with less than a c-cup ....... he said i was crazy and that all children were brats and deserved to be eaten by the jews and hindoos ...... many many years later after he was married and had a couple of kids he reminded me of the story and said, "you know, you were right - i think i would let mary jo drown but i would risk my life to save the rug rats" ....... since mary jo was his high school sweetheart and had a few miles on her, i figured she wasn't worth saving any way ........

......... what is your expert opinion ?

Re: # 99

tahmed,

... you are out of touch with reality - it is the first step towards full blown dementia ....... and i really think you should go to pakistan one of these days instead of just reading about it in the washington post .....

Re: # 97

prathaab,

..... a piece of friendly advice: if you want to get laid in this life time you better change your attitude towards women ...

Hamidm: That is all very well. While congratulating you on your generous giving (is colonel sahib by the name of ejaz, btw?), I am not sure that gul rehman with his five daughters is the financial genius you seem to think he is. This maali in rawalpindi (lets call him gulkhan) had three daughters before he was advised to end the production line if he wanted to at least give the first three a decent wedding.

So, you are not doing gul rehman any favors by applauding his financial model.

Re: # 83

Dr. Sohail, Your affinity for feminism is now explained by your affinity to the two young girls you are looking after. Fathers of girls have this natural affinity for females.

Thats my bit of psychology for you!

Re: # 76

Please do believe anyone if they tell you the feminism exists only in the west. Far from it! Thousands of males are now in jail due to biased laws in India today!

www.498a.org

OD'd-on-Ginseng-MahaHypocrite-Masadi: (no text to add).