The Psychology of Mothering

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Dr. Sohail,

I finally read the article, prompted by an interact below. Wow this is unbelievable. You certainly excel and break your own records in each article:

I am gradually realizing that mothering is not only an instinctual behavior it is also a learnt behaviour.

There's an old tale (in Islamic folklore) that a peron was asked by his beloved to cut out his mother's heart and bring it to her as a gift. The person did so and while carrying it to his beloved, tripped on a stone. A voice came from the heart "Beta, cha'ut tau nahi lagi?"

But this little story is just narrated to ignorant, un-evolved folks like us while being taught to respect their mothers in conjunction with the fictitious commandments written by some bedouins telling us "Jannat resides under a Mother's feet". How silly!

I wonder, however, how is it that mama kangaroos hop around with baby kangaroos in their pouches, and mama kites will come to pluck out your eyes if the eggs they're sitting on - merely eggs - not even baby kites yet, are disturbed.

I'm sure there's a perfectly logical & scientific explanation for all of above. I just need to get to it.

Dear Dr Sohail,

I didn't read your article as from the heading one can tell about its contents.

While sitting in the freezing lonely corner of Canada , your such write ups cannot even produce minor ripples in huge traditional family based, warm and pulsating societies...

All I can request from you is that please don't give your personal address and contact information to every aera ghera nathoo khaira..

Today's world is a dangerous place and some day some one may get you.

You never know who is hiding behind nicks like "charlie' or sweet "miss mona" kind of people ...I hope you understand and stop going on blind meetings..

One can tell from your photograph that you were abused by life , and you are a vulnerable displaced soul..who needs phycho therapy and help..so you need to have mercy on yourself my friend.

Re: # 202

masadi saab said(No, you listen to me, Go F yourself!)

masadi saab we have been asking you to provide us the expertise saab. we donot know how to "F ourselves" as you suggest saab.

we all know you do it regularly yourself saab. if you show it to all then we can all be self sufficient saab.

isnt that what you are trying to get all pakistanis to do saab? to be self sufficient and not rely on west saab?

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Re: # 200
it was gibberish but your wise comments made it interesting..smiles
kujh shehr day loag vi zalam sun
kujh men maran da shock vi si

such achha par us kay liay koi aur maray to aur achha....
ibn insha

Anything interesting going on here or the usual Dr. Sohail gibberish? (sorry Dr. Sohail :)

Re: # 193
dear sattar2...i fully agree with your letter. i have no bias that having no children is better than having children. i am just saying that the reality is that some people....non traditional and secular and creative tend to have less children than traditional and religious people. for me more important aspect is the element of CHOICE. if someone chooses to have 6 children that is great but if a woman chooses to have no children and become mother teresa or a nurse or a doctor or a social worker, that is great too. i have met women who feel the pressure from their conservative families and religious cultures to get married and once they are married to have children. i think as cultures are evolving more and more men and women are having more choices. if i gave an impression of value judgment that was not the intention...i was sharing my observations and trying to understand them from a psychological and sociological perspective. i think we are on the same page at least i think we are....smiles...sohail

'Pony of the West' and 'Useless Elite', are you the same person? Contact Drrrrrr. Sohail please............

Re: # 188

masadi saab, listen to westy and "the boss" saab, otherwise they will whip your ass saab. they whipped my ass once and i was not able to walk straight for years saab

it is not the content saab but the stupidity in the words saab. it gets very annoying saab like an old broken record saab.................................

Re: # 189

sorry masadi saab, "the boss" is very upset saab

Re: # 190

Masadi listen to us.

We sent you to Pakistan for a reason and you are not abiding by our rules. If you don't comply then we are going to have to terminate your contract with us.

The Peon of the West tried to warn you but you are a complete idiot.

We hope you understand.

Regards.

The US Elite

Re: # 191

Sattar2

A very realistic write-up indeed. This is what the age-old wisdom enshrined in Quran says. Men and women are 'Zoujein', complementary to one an other and not similar and equal.

“… in my opinion those men, women and couples who have less choices follow their instincts and create lots and lots of babies … when cultures provide more choices then people can choose not to follow instincts and become more creative rather than procreative ...”

Dr. Sohail (#192),

Your comment may have validity up to a certain point. What you are overlooking is that … when people have choices, arguably they want to follow their instincts! This would imply desiring to have some children - perhaps not as many as ten kids, but certainly more than none.

If a person having ”too many” children supposedly has a warped outlook in life, enslaved by religious dogma, then, by similar argument, a person desiring to have no children at all too has a warped outlook, enslaved by a certain set of imposed rules. This is where you seem to take your eye off the ball.

In your writings, you seem to portray women desiring to have no children in a positive light - as liberated individuals, with strong identities, following their dreams. At the same time, you tend to portray women desiring too many children in a negative light … as bound and bogged by religious, cultural dogma.

Warped outlook remains warped outlook, regardless of its source or our personal preferences. And there is another dimension to this issue:

Human misery is a lucrative business. Keeping women from getting pregnant, esp. those below 30 years of age, is big business. Getting women pregnant, esp. those above 30 years of age, too is big business. What role is played by HMOs and for-profit corporations in this regard, cannot be ignored. From what I have observed, even western women have strong instincts to bear children. Not being able to do so often leaves them with a sense of “something missing” in their lives.

Your examples of women not wanting to have children … raise more questions than they answer. One wonders if these women are victims of inner insecurities, dysfunctional dreams, and deeper anxieties. Some people need prodding before they come out of their shells. Taking everything on face value, without exploring other possibilities, may at times lead to a flawed conclusion. Such a conclusion may fit better with one’s own preferences and values, but keeps one from getting to the truth of the matter. And at times I think you tend to err in this regard.

Re: # 191
CREATIVE OR PROCREATIVE
dear sattar....thank you for your detailed thoughts on the subject. i agree with you that changes in socio-economic conditions are affecting people's choices. to me those changes are part of evolving cultures in different parts of the world whether capitalistic or socialistic, religious or secular. in my opinion those men, women and couples who have less choices follow their instincts and create lots and lots of babies. even in the west catholic families have far more children than secular families. when cultures provide more choices then people can choose not to follow insticts and become more creative rather than procreative. sincerely sohail