Still Looking!

Ahmedmadani Saab,

We need your valuable thoughts here...See the temerity of this girl, rejecting guys on all pretexts...

cute article, i think all desi girls go through this at some point in their lives

You seem on one hand to condone arranged marriages, in essence vindicating the notion that your virginity, labour and child-bearing capabilities are commodities beyond your own jurisdiction, which for all intents and purposes summate you for the purposes of marriage, yet at the same time you seem to want your "person" to be appreciated by the other parties to the transaction in question.

As you condone arranged marriages, thus this "person" element of you is such that it acknowledges itself second to the commodities sought to be acquired by your prospective in-laws, I don't think therefore there remains much to be appreciated.

What from your petty bourgeoisie perspective seems the reason to write a somewhat amusing article, is the basis for slavery, stove-deaths, honour killings and rapes amongst the other untold suffering of millions of Pakistani women.

This is all in very poor taste.

Dear Readers...thank you so much for taking out the time to give your valuable feedback. I truly appreciate the effort.

About the piece...firstly, I have often been accused of writing about myself in my pieces! What can I say...it must be my convincing communication skills! Seriously, though...I'd like to edtablish once for all that I'm a social observer and commentator and every write-up that I do is NOT my own story.

Re #1...jayp, violence aginst women exists in societies across the globe and is a reality none can ignore. However, this piece only meant to point out one aspect of the emotional and psychological torture women go through in the middle/upper-middle section of our society. It might seem trivial as compared to the issues you have mentioned, but worth the mention nonetheless, I believe.

Re #2...zeemax, thanks for your comments. I have pointed out some unpleasant aspects of arranged marriages. It is not uncommon to use the technique of exaggeration in satirical write-ups.

Re #3...vanguard, that's a thought! Thanks for pointing it out. The narrator happens tp be a woman, hence the female perspective. Perhaps you could enlighten us about the male take on this issue?

Re #5...treetop, thanks, but NO THANKS.

Re #6...Minhaj, thanks for the kind words. I'm pleased to know you enjoyed reading the piece.

Regarding your suggestion for dialogue, if you've read any of my previous articles you'll know that's how I write anyway. This piece was originally published in 'You' Women's magazine. Since newspapers have a thing about space conservation, I had to compress the lines to suit their concerns. And then I forgot to revert it to original formatting for chowk!

Thanks for the reassurances too...awfully kind of you...but I do enjoy the responses I get as they provide me invaluable insight into diverse perspectives.

Re #7...Abee, thanks for the comments. I'm glad it made you smile despite your other concern.

Marriage, as an institution, has been much criticised in all societies. Things are changing for women here as they seek for themselves roles of thinking, feeling human beings keeping intellectual concerns closer to their heart. Relationships are very tricky, and require much understanding and compromise to create a balance accaptable to both parties concerned - or individual temperaments decide which way the balance tips.

Re #10...banneditem, I think it is unfair to force anyone to choose between wife and mother, or any other such relationship. There can be no right answer in such a situation. Each has his/her own place, and the poor guy is bound to err no matter what he decides.

Re #11...emancipation, thanks for your comments. I don't believe marriage is a failed intitution at all. The purpose of this piece was to let men see that women can be their intellectual equals and by virtue of that, better partners in life. They must not be seen only as objects of desire, but as individuals with whom they can have satisfying intellectual and emotional bondage on an equal-partnership level, rather than dominant-submissive basis.

Re #12...subroto, I'm glad you enjoyed the piece. Thanks for letting me know.

Re # 13...akcheema, thank you so much for your remarks. These lines represent the desires of many young women who seek intellectually stimulating and emotionally satisfying relationships while not wanting to compromise personal space.

Re # 14...TehsinA, thanks for your suggestion. I think women are quite capable of setting their priorities in the right order. Perhaps they have shifted their sights from 'marriage' as their ultimate aim in life?

Re # 16...Nikhat, thanks for your kind remarks and generous praise. I appreciate your insight and understanding of the basic idea behind the article.

Re #18...scout-new, thanks for your comments. It's very much a cultural issue, and yes, most girls do go through it. All these girls ask is to be judged not on the basis of their physical appearance or domestic skills but rather as individuals with priorities of their own in life.

Re #19...Leadenwinter, I'm sorry you didn't think much of the piece. It's all about perspectives...you're entirely entitled to your own!

Arranged marriages are a part of our culture.They are not a bad way of introducing prospective couples given the cultural environment of gender seggregation, unless one of the parties, or both, are being forced into the arrangement - which is not the case in my write-up at all.
"As you condone arranged marriages, thus this "person" element of you is such that it acknowledges itself second to the commodities sought to be acquired by your prospective in-laws."

If the 'person' element in the central character of my piece acknowledged itself second to the commodities saught, she would accept the proposals.

Perhaps you have missed my point...or I have not managed to convey it effectively?

"What from your petty bourgeoisie perspective seems the reason to write a somewhat amusing article, is the basis for slavery, stove-deaths, honour killings and rapes amongst the other untold suffering of millions of Pakistani women."

Would you care to clarify this point for the sake of discussion? Surely, you don't think the root of all evil is 'arranged marriage'?


TS

This was a well written (fictional?) article.

Is there a part 2 coming?

Ras

Ras...thanks. Yes, fictional...and no, no sequel planned so far...though more satire likely to follow!
TS

When I had completed my studies in UK, a family friend decided to introduce me to a prospect in London. Since I was inclined religiously as well as academically, they said that the girl has done Masters in Mathematical Sciences and wears a Niqab.

They asked me to be interactive and talk a lot with a girl. At their place, they had also invited girl's mother (also wearing a niqab) and her grandmother whereas I was there with my auntie.

I asked her a few questions but since it was her first time I believe, she felt shy and answered in monosyllables. Then I cracked a joke and everybody laughed. I thought in my head "Hansi to phansi" (Yes! This is how we guys think!)

Anyways, we werent making any progress despite the girl's grandmother egging her on. So seeing the religious bent, I asked the girl "Dua-e-Qunoot suna dain". The grandmother suddenly came to her defence and said in flawless English "My grand daughter prays five times a day. I'd rather you recite the dua and she checks it". I replied "Mein to teen dafa Qul Huallaho Ahad (surat Ikhlas) parhta hoon".

Needless to mention it didn't work out. :)

Re: # 23 LOL...thanks for sharing this, vanguard...you could put your experiences down in a piece, you know. I can imagine it to be a very interesting read. :)
TS