Nipa Chowrangi

{"She slumped unconscious long before the power supply to their apartmentcomplex in Gulistan-i- Jauhar was restored, and he was able to peruse a good half hour of porn on the internet too.

That, Aslam thought as he came onto the landing to smoke- he didn’t like the smell of tobacco lingering in the house"}

Shandana,
Another brilliant effort on your part. I really enjoyed the macabre sensitivity of Aslam in not being able to tolerate the stench of stale tobacco in his house. You have captured the idiotic and cruel dichotomoy of this leper very well in this article.
While we hope that the "thump" was final and fatal, we need to amplify, ridicule, ban, and eradicate this all too common physical battering of the weak at the hands of the "strong." Of course, the bulk of the interacts will be consumed by "my mom's better than your mom" India/Pakistan, Hindu/Muslim rhetoric. The fact remains that the curse of domestic violence is rampant in all societies, including the self-righteous Hindus.

Re: # 52

[are suspense and surprise really that essential to it anymore?]

Well, only if one wants regular folks to read the work.

Things could be different if the target audience is limited to a bunch of university-types gulping away wine in a hi-fi restaurant, or blowing cigarette smoke into everyone's eyes, or looking frizzled and bearded and unkempt and wearing thick reading glasses - well, perhaps THEY will be able to enjoy the turns and twists of what happened inside the HEADS of individual characters since the turns and twists of the EVENTS is already known, and so forth. I mean, such work may even get nominated for some award (by other individuals with thick reading glasses) - but the average joker will simply yawn!

Re: # 47

thanks. it will. dont think can personally do justice to it at this point in time, so on to other stories about flowers, music and lambikins dancing around trees :)

bj, the novel as a form continues to evolve, are suspense and surprise really that essential to it anymore? as for women in the desi context, more and more women that i know are marrying for love, or waiting for love before getting married, or leaving a marriage when love dies.

Re: # 47

thanks. it will. dont think can personally do justice to it at this point in time, so on to other stories about flowers, music and lambikins dancing around trees :)

bj, the novel as a form continues to evolve, are suspense and surprise really that essential to it anymore? as for women in the desi context, more and more women that i know are marrying for love, or waiting for love before getting married, or leaving a marriage when love dies.

Re: # 47

thanks. it will. dont think can personally do justice to it at this point in time, so on to other stories about flowers, music and lambikins dancing around trees :)

bj, the novel as a form continues to evolve, are suspense and surprise really that essential to it anymore? as for women in the desi context, more and more women that i know are marrying for love, or waiting for love before getting married, or leaving a marriage when love dies.

Hay i really liked the way you write .... seriously you have guts to write man... :) .... and here is your present... join this network which has recently launched... for writers & artists ... http://megoh.com/

Re: # 47

[Two lovers arriving at this point of despair,the story would require a lot of probation.]

Not to mention a REAL stretch in credulity!! :)

Let us face it, in the desi context most such marriages take place because those are arranged by others and they continue because women have little choice but to put up with "it". What has love got to do with it?!

Re: #46

[the first chapter in another novel, told backwards]

That would kill the suspense and surprise for sure! Unless one is a shrink and interested in obtaining an insight into the minds (which would be of questionable value since, after all, it IS fiction!), it would hold little interest.

Two lovers arriving at this point of despair,the story would require a lot of probation.

good luck

thank you all for the comments, even the ones in german, they must have been a pain to type. all i can remember from my days at the goethe institute is ich habe keine ahnung and was ist los mit ihnen? perhaps a simple warum warum warum will suffice...

cocoon, good point about the visibility of the spit.

scout, short film? see below for why not right now.

iron mask, also a valid point. a little background to the story...i woke up early one morning a couple of months ago and felt the urge to write, something i had not felt for a while. as usual, i did not know what it was i was going to be writing. an hour later, i had this short piece, pretty much as it was now. it was my first introduction to tehmina and aslam. when i was done i let it be. a couple of weeks later i started feeling it was incomplete, that it was perhaps the first chapter in another novel, told backwards, about what brought two people in love to this point. it seems cut and dried, man beats wife, wife kills man, but the story as i felt it later was anything but. neither aslam or tehmina were the people i as a writer or a reader felt they were in this opening. the real story was how they were driven to this point by circumstances, loss, a host of things. part of me still wants to write it, but it is such a bleak bleak tale i do am repelled by the thought of experiencing it.

Re: # 43

Tahir,

Why does this moron insist on speaking to us in German?

Regards

The US Elite

Re: # 40

Urstruly,

(By the way I used to live at NIPA Chowrangi, and never found an indescent family like this one in the story. Ha! I am just kidding; GOD THAT WAS ONE FUKKED UP NEIBOURHOOD.)

Is this some sort of catharsis?

We hope you did better despite the difficulties encountered when you were young.

Regards

The US Elite

Re: # 41
Don' t tun dies Ihre eigene Mutter, Dummkopf an!

Re: # 36
Kommen Sie in Ihrem Rasereieinwohner von Hades…. um

Re: # 29

Hamidm2,

Tahir is still upset with us for playing his sister like a banjo on our knees.

She is quite happy with the new lifestyle but Tahir wants to invoke honour killing.

It is a shame as she told all twenty of us that he himself taught her all she knew, and she had a good time in the process.

Regards

The US Elite

It seems that the authoress wrote this when she was in grade 10. By the way I used to live at NIPA Chowrangi, and never found an indescent family like this one in the story. Ha! I am just kidding; God that was one fukked up neiborhood.

Shandana:

The way you laid out the story, I do not think it is written for Aslams. Tender imagination is not for them.

Wonderfully written for the rest of us.