Nipa Chowrangi

Re: # 29

Go ahead, have all the pork ribs alone at the table; I don't consume pork.

Ta-ta

Ms Minhas an eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind.

The stroy was great. There was something there for everybody. However, you did not build up the character of the women - she who shoved the husband of the building.

We as readers arrived at the article with a certain sense of revulsion for the guy. So really what you did in terms of increasing this revulsion was minimal. There has to be a real indication of the psychological scars on the woman. This was missing.

Finally, just because wife-beating is bad and we feel both naturally, and rationally mitigated to take a stance against it does not mean we resort to the baser instincts to resolve the conflict. Shoving the guy off the building is the first instinct, a very base one at that. Given the nature of the set up and the description of the middle class environment, I would have expected to have seen something more far reaching in the article (esp coming from you!).

Re: # 29 hamimdm2 Tahir mian is like a little gadfly landing every where to regurgitate the same old muck .

The man is jealous of other having achieved than him on FP!

May be you should introduce him to the joys of salami and Wine, and a Canadian Ham and Cider and or Whiskey! He will enjoy the civilising effect - it is in his character. Its just that he has not seen it as yet.

Tahir, Tausendkunst ein Bündel mit wenig Verständnis der englischen Sprache. Wenn Ihnen um um " gebeten werden; was Ihr Pork" ist; Sie Kippe, die es bedeutet….Bumsen gehen schauen oben ein Wörterbuch Sie Schwein. Sie mögen zeemadarchod verdienen auch, das gebratene Spucken zu sein und verließen dann mit einem Apfel in Ihrer Schnauze.

Re: # 3 big deal lady. She could have just used a shot gun and killed that bastard. She could have chopped his balls and giving him a slow painful death. you are a squeamish old woman.

So what is new in the story? I can google and find 100s if not 1000s of similar stuff from days gone by. Life and feminism have moved on. You have not. Stuck in the 1950's.

did she push him off the fifth floor.I think the thump was meant for him.tehmina should actually have chopped his dick and given it to Ifti.You conjure the Image of such a bastard and keep him alive.The symbiosis , the violence against women , it does exist ,otherwise such stories do not take shape.It also seems improbable to spot a boy holding gaze and spittig from the fifth floor at quarter past nine in the light of the lamps.
narrative is impressive,the ineractors on the forum suck.

Shandana:

The way you laid out the story, I do not think it is written for Aslams. Tender imagination is not for them.

Wonderfully written for the rest of us.

It seems that the authoress wrote this when she was in grade 10. By the way I used to live at NIPA Chowrangi, and never found an indescent family like this one in the story. Ha! I am just kidding; God that was one fukked up neiborhood.

Re: # 29

Hamidm2,

Tahir is still upset with us for playing his sister like a banjo on our knees.

She is quite happy with the new lifestyle but Tahir wants to invoke honour killing.

It is a shame as she told all twenty of us that he himself taught her all she knew, and she had a good time in the process.

Regards

The US Elite

Re: # 36
Kommen Sie in Ihrem Rasereieinwohner von Hades…. um

Re: # 41
Don' t tun dies Ihre eigene Mutter, Dummkopf an!

Re: # 40

Urstruly,

(By the way I used to live at NIPA Chowrangi, and never found an indescent family like this one in the story. Ha! I am just kidding; GOD THAT WAS ONE FUKKED UP NEIBOURHOOD.)

Is this some sort of catharsis?

We hope you did better despite the difficulties encountered when you were young.

Regards

The US Elite

Re: # 43

Tahir,

Why does this moron insist on speaking to us in German?

Regards

The US Elite

thank you all for the comments, even the ones in german, they must have been a pain to type. all i can remember from my days at the goethe institute is ich habe keine ahnung and was ist los mit ihnen? perhaps a simple warum warum warum will suffice...

cocoon, good point about the visibility of the spit.

scout, short film? see below for why not right now.

iron mask, also a valid point. a little background to the story...i woke up early one morning a couple of months ago and felt the urge to write, something i had not felt for a while. as usual, i did not know what it was i was going to be writing. an hour later, i had this short piece, pretty much as it was now. it was my first introduction to tehmina and aslam. when i was done i let it be. a couple of weeks later i started feeling it was incomplete, that it was perhaps the first chapter in another novel, told backwards, about what brought two people in love to this point. it seems cut and dried, man beats wife, wife kills man, but the story as i felt it later was anything but. neither aslam or tehmina were the people i as a writer or a reader felt they were in this opening. the real story was how they were driven to this point by circumstances, loss, a host of things. part of me still wants to write it, but it is such a bleak bleak tale i do am repelled by the thought of experiencing it.

Two lovers arriving at this point of despair,the story would require a lot of probation.

good luck

Re: # 47

[Two lovers arriving at this point of despair,the story would require a lot of probation.]

Not to mention a REAL stretch in credulity!! :)

Let us face it, in the desi context most such marriages take place because those are arranged by others and they continue because women have little choice but to put up with "it". What has love got to do with it?!

Re: #46

[the first chapter in another novel, told backwards]

That would kill the suspense and surprise for sure! Unless one is a shrink and interested in obtaining an insight into the minds (which would be of questionable value since, after all, it IS fiction!), it would hold little interest.