Life Long Commitment vs. Singledom

Re: # 33; Sohail

your post #20 was beautiful; don't spoil it with unnecessary detail please

Re: # 32 ["... situation which makes women tolerate older man is insecurity and finances ..."]

Oh absolutely. No questions about it. Forget "insecurity" ... its basically finances.

But what is wrong about that when we are looking at it as a professional option that some uniquely gifted women adopt. I am saying that for many men in their first two decades of adulthood a certain amount of diversity of sexual exploration is a primal need that is healthy and positive to fulfill.


2["...Why would working girl not marry even younger..."]

Whoever said any thing about marriage? I was only talking about post-divorce trauma recovery and the free market options durring matrimonial interregums.

Cheers

...SR

Re: # 31

SR

'Few 39 year old men can resist the healing powers of a twenty something'

Thats ultimate fantasy of 'old' man
Why would working girl not marry even younger than her stud.
Only situation which makes women tolerate older man is insecurity and finances

Re: # 30 sattar ["... 2 weeks is an awfully short time; I hope not because you ran out of money. But it’s good to know you’ve moved on and things have sorta worked out ..."]

Two weeks can be very brief when you are only having fun. But two weeks of intense grief can be very hard to pass. I was fortunate to have friends who had the wisdom to know that nothing washes a man's grief better than a flood of life juices making a beast with two backs.

Few 39 year old men can resist the healing powers of a twenty something, elegent and well groomed beauty whose sweet whispers are softer than her smooth silky skin.

My heart has ever since had a soft corner for the truly professional working ladies. The good ones are actually 'therapists' in the real sense. They possess 'healing powers.' They are much maligned and wronged by society, yet they provide a very vital function in the maintainence of societal 'virtues.' I've known several, and I mean gotten to know personally (far beyond the client and service-provider role), 'working girls' who are some of the most brave, honest, generous and self-less human beings compared to many a bibi-jee of high society who had a black soul and the heart of a whore.

...SR

SR, kudos for your honest comments regarding a very personal matter. Such candid accounts … involving male insecurities and relationships on the rocks … are hard to come by. So kudos, once again.

… but must add … 2 weeks is an awfully short time; I hope not because you ran out of money. But it’s good to know you’ve moved on and things have sorta worked out …

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Kiran, marriage is essential.

Hitman

Re: # 23
"Who said documents were necessary"

The court says so.Marriage is a 'contract' with all its intricasies ,liberation ,peace of mind ,sacrifice intimidations ,ovwrwhelming ness, restrint ,trepidations...

If not why have birh certificates ,medicl records, police logs, car registrations, licenses

Whats wrong with you are willing to sand in que for hours at he airport ,intraffic jam ,reservations ...But

There is objective laws not making subjective rules according to your self as you go...???

Re: # 23
"Who said documents were necessary"

The court says so.Marriage is a 'contract' with all its intricasies ,liberation ,peace of mind ,sacrifice intimidations ,ovwrwhelming ness, restrint ,trepidations...

If not why have birh certificates ,medicl records, police logs, car registrations, licenses

Whats wrong with you are willing to sand in que for hours at he airport ,intraffic jam ,reservations ...But

There is objective laws not making subjective rules according to your self as you go...???

Kiran bibi,

if this is all from personal contemplation of the idea of marriage to 'one person' for the rest of your life, this is what I have to say:

....go with the flow girl! enjoy life; it is beautiful! If you do find someone right for you, don't start making plans for the hereafter.....enjoy the moment for what it is worth

and if you do decide to tie the knot, who cares where it goes. As long as one behaves like a responsible adult in a relationship......the rest doesn't matter one bit....if it works out for life, good for you.......if it doesn't, put it down to experience and move on

I wish you all the love and happiness; I'm sure you deserve every last bit of it!

che,

who said documents were necessary?

Theres time n place for everything..35 yr old single man or woman looking for company in a bar..is if nothing else sad, n wat about 45 or 55 or 65? there is no cookie cutter solution to this conondrum...singledom is awesome..n i m sure having a family is vastly fulfilling as well..for some neither r fun...so i think its about being comfertable with who u r...n selfishness is nothing to brag about..whether u r single or married..sharing is a good thing with whoever it is n watever it is

Re: # 20

SR, Rushdie grew sick of marriages, but only after his 4th. You have one more to go. Maybe you will then change your mind? HA HA HA

neembu ["...Marriage ...in all it's honesty, love, authenticity, honor, desire, support... Meet the right person...."]

I could not agree more. Marriage should be, and often is, all of that, at least for some time, if not for ever. I know it from repeated experiences.

Venus has been my gracious goddess and I thank Zeus for the honesty, love, authenticity, honor, desire, support and a lot more I've been given by my beloved wife and ex-wives.

When my third wife divorced me, we both embraced one another at the airport terminal and with tears in our eyes we hugged and kissed and thanked each other, with horse quivering voices, for the wonderful years we'd shared. A stream of tears involuntarily gushed down my cheeks throughout the three hour long flight.

It took two weeks of sustained effort of a well-paid professional lover / care giver to cheer me up enough to where I started living my life again.

Today, we are both married and living happily ever after, yet we remain each other's favorite ex, and in recent years even best pen-buddies. She's like an older sister to my wife and an aunt to our young children. Her husband is like a brother to me.

Love is what gives beauty to life. We can make our lives only as beautiful as we dare to.

...SR

"in all it's honesty, love, authenticity, honor, desire, support, etc"

These things can't be achieved without signing documents?

Marriage is what you make it-in all it's honesty, love, authenticity, honor, desire, support, etc. Meet the right person, and I'll expect another kind of article from you B)

Re: # 14

Criminals are present in every society. Irrespective of age, gender, caste, sex or religion. It is useless debating which one has more.

Having said that, it should be recognised that marriages are failing too. Most people, irrespective of sex, are unable to live together in marriage. Again, this is irrespective of nation or religion.

There used to be a time when females got the better of the work - doing household chores, while the male sweated it out on the fields. In todays more posh world, the female again wants to do the easier of the work - in BPO jobs, for eg., while the male has to earn for her even AFTER divorce!

Pakistani women may be biased against, but this is not the case in India, where anti-male laws are passed with gay abandon.

It will be easier to understand the problem if this 'confusion' is cleared.

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/3053664.cms

http:/ /timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/3054631.cms

"#4 Posted by sheandher338 on February 9, 2008 10:25:34 pm
if you read the article carefully.. that's what it said.. there is no such thing as love at first sight. the story has nothing to do about love.. just mere attraction."



Sheander(author of Feb 9 article and same Kiran 'Whats love got to do with it', Farooque

Person like you are gold digger.while faking everything dig gold from naive gullible rich man like me!

kiran,

.... i think you are on the right track .... as zeemax points out, most moslem men think of women as kanezzes anyway - the chances of a meaningful relationship are slim unless you are a wealthy businesswoman who can fund a new religion ........

Parthab,

you should read the following article on CHOWK which was published number of years ago "Oppression in Women in Pakistan: Myth or Fact"

http://www.chowk.com/articles/4951

Re: # 6

My reply relates to the unfair disadvantage MALES face at divorce, which many are unaware off.

Males rights is a bad word at the moment, and only remotely related to marriage (through gender bised laws), but the sooner they understand the concept, the better it is for them.

Re: # 10
"Chowk is a man's place -- no unmanly women-bashers welcome here"

There IS no woman bashing in my post. How can 'protesting' against UNFAIR woman-biased Indian laws, be the same as 'woman bashing'? Please familiarise yourself with the new gender-biased laws in India. www.498a.org

Gentelmen no more discussion on this repeatedly repeated hackneyed subject posted narcisstically time and over.Just ignore

Re: # 2

"Unfortunately, my previous post was deleted but, I will try to say again what I wanted to. Todays males face a lot more problems with marriage...."(Pathetic Parthaab).

Why have you become such a cry baby -- "Fortunately" they deleted your previous post -- but you still keep coming back complaining about the women......Chowk is a man's place -- no unmanly women-bashers welcome here...:)

Kiran don't mind the islamofascist kuttay. Marriage (and hookers) are the only way they can get laid (T)

Interesting Kiranji ..How old are you ?Rejection?Fear?'Old'Brides maid


From some of Kirans subscribed biases from met Blog

http://rabayl.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/protofeminism-blame-oil-not-islam /


OLD COW/NEW COW he he he he



Posted by rabayl on April 25, 2008

Many moons ago, a dear friend of mine suggested I watch the movie Someone Like You because ‘it told the story of my life’. Admittedly, it isn’t the most unique of stories but when I watched it, it rang a thousand bells inside me! The main character in the movie, Ashley Judd, always finds herself in flawed relationships and after some drunken contemplation devises the Old Cow/New Cow theory.

The Old Cow/New Cow theory says that once a bull mates with a cow, it will not go back to it again. First, a bull was presented with a cow. They mated. The next day, the bull was presented with the same cow. The bull wasn’t interested. He wanted new cow, and this was old cow. Curious to see if they could trick the bull, the scientists came up with an ingenious ploy. The old cow was smeared with new cow scent. But he was no fool.

Ridiculous though that analogy sounds, I was hysterics today when I came across a research that claimed that anthropologically, the theory is right! I hate to reduce love to a simple biological imperative, but the study noted that what we suckers call love is actually the “mating call of the wild”, and that the head over heels feeling that we associate with love is a hormonal response that lasts approximately 18 months - long enough to get laid, get pregnant, have the Neanderthals around long enough to protect us while we are waddling around, and nursing our newborn. Then he (and us too) lose interest and look around for another cave dweller.

The theory is that this biological programming would allow enough different genetic material to be swapped around to have a nice healthy Neanderthal tribe.

18 months; average age of all my relationships.

Interesting? I didn’t think so either!

Eddie: It’s over. Why can’t you just let it go?
Jane: I can’t.
Eddie: Why?
Jane: Because I was happy. Because if this theory is wrong, men don’t leave all women, Eddie, they leave me.
Eddie: I know it hurts. I know. It’s so hard to believe that something that wonderful can ever happen to us again

......................................

Protofeminism: Blame Oil, Not Islam
Posted by rabayl on April 17, 2008

The curse of oil, not the ways of Islam, may explain the poor status of women in parts of the Middle East and North Africa. In a new study reviewing four decades of data from 169 countries, UCLA political scientist Michael Ross finds that oil money clogs the paths that have allowed women to advance in other developing societies, from India to Morocco. Typically, women enter the work force in manufacturing jobs, then independent income allows them influence in the home. They also rise in politics, as factory settings give them a place to organize and governments recognize their growing economic clout.

Not so in oil states, where petrodollars raise the value of local currency, making imports cheap and stifling local production. As oil wealth drives up wages, there’s also less pressure for women to earn a second income.

Islamic countries tend to have high occupational segregation and lower rates of female education, but oil sharpens the divide. Compared with petrol states like Saudi Arabia and Qatar, oil-poor nations like Syria and Djibouti have a greater share of women in the work force (30 percent vs. 5 percent) and Parliament (9 percent vs. 3 percent). The contrast becomes clearer in culturally similar neighbors with discrepant levels of oil income per capita, like Algeria ($937 per capita, with 6 percent of parliamentary seats held by women) and Tunisia ($61 and 22 percent). As Ross writes, “Petroleum perpetuates patriarchy.”
—Katie Baker

This entry was posted on April 17, 2008 at 7:37 am and is filed under Religion, Society. . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

Now what may I add beta Kiran? I hope you grow up soon. Your profile says it all. In fact, too much.

Rememeber you had parents, so why be afraid of marrying or turning off others with your nightmares?

It is horrible leaving all your wealth (earned through giving advice to others) to a charity or to the cats, with nobody left to remember you or ask for the forgiveness of your sins.

Think about this as you puff on that 'shisha'.

Buy a mirror intead.

Affectionately.

But how is the issue of men's rights relevant to this piece?

Re: # 4

It is nt funny really. Each time I try to write any comment on mens rights, it is simply deleted, or ignored at best. Wonder what strikes you as 'funny'.

@2&3
Wasnt this a funny piece

Divorces in India are no easy affair for the male. Gender-biased laws have been made since recently by Renuka, a notoriously feminist minister. When a woman is angry at a man and wants a divorce, she usually lies, and makes false charges to have him and his family jailed, without appeal or bail. Domestic Violence is hyped by feminist groups internationally, but this too is not borne out by studies, which attribute equal violence to the female too. Blackmail is norm - alongwith the emotional trauma of undergoing a divorce. In a corrupt system like India , that means a pot of money, and social ostracisation too – mind you, for a young, growing, citizen of the country. Divorces should surely be made easier and simpler than this?

Alimony causes even more financial commitment on the young male – whatever for? For the ‘crime' of divorcing? Some say that alimony could be an invitation for a female to divorce – and even marry in the first place! Alimony is surely a thing for the past generation of divorces?

A word on feminism here may be in order. Feminists take media sympathy from ‘facts’ that are controversial really. For eg., let us take female feticide. In reality, four times more adult men actually commit than women! Is it because women cannot bear to see their daughters grow up anything short of a princess? And the gender ratios that are quoted in India , cannot explain the widespreadedness of feticide, because in some countries, the proportion of males is actually less! And yet, feminists continue to use the media to gain sympathy – sometimes using genuine reasons ( like minority female literacy for eg.), to get unreasonable gains.

To counter the menace of feminism, we hardly have a Male Right Movement going in India yet. In addition, it is not fashionable to the media yet. Male Rights in western countries have gained some momentum in the past few years, though.

www.498a.org

Unfortunately, my previous post was deleted but, I will try to say again what I wanted to.
Todays males face a lot more problems with marriage than just psychological barriers/fears, as the author seems to suggest.

Divorce is no easy affair for a male. There are legal hurdles, gender-biased laws, and financial extortion awaiting the end of a marriage. And yet, marriages are breaking up as never before in history. Roughly half of all marriages in Mumbai are breaking up today. And most western males have already come to terms with a commitmentless life.
The male of the future may well have to think well over a hundred times before making his mind up on marriage.

Without reading this article, this is why I think Kaneezes are the best idea!