On Being an Ex-Expatriate

sounds tempting but, no thanks!

I was hoping nobody would write an article like this and I would carry on living my pretend life. I completely share the feelings of the author. The feelings are not gender dependent as I am a male. Some of my friends feel the same way too. We keep thinking when would be a good time to go back. How does one decide? That (n+1) syndrome (just one more year, yaar) does not go away. Friends and family from back home advise you to stay on. One thinks, it does not matter what the conditions are back home...it is home. If your house is burning, you don`t just look away and move to a new place. You try and save what you can and build anew. Each day here increases the size of the monument of guilt inside. I wish I could be as brave as the author was. I guess she`s right, it should be done like a band aid. Quickly and firmly. I wish the author the best of luck. I consider her a winner and hope that she has a great life back home. I wish one day I can do the same.

Mofeez

murtam@rpi.edu

i am glad things worked out for you. you are a courageous woman. many times the courageous are labelled insane. its just that there very few like you and many more of us who are still here, year after year, never committing ourselves to staying here, but never moving back either. what are we afraid of? the way i look at it: 150milliion are doing it. it`s do-able and its home.

but, i`m still here...

good luck, bina!

And your point is?? Home is elsewhere?

Bina,

i know what you mean when you talk about the sense of failure many of us who`ve returned from the states carry with us...and yes it is mean spirited etc and symbolic of our chronic insecurity. im a journalist too (arif abrar ring a bell? :)) and i have to say one thing that has really helped me in dealing with the emotional fall-out is the fact that i can air my opinions and get paid for it. i`ve read some of your stuff and enjoyed it. so ...regardless of what the aunties at shaadis might say..it`s great that you came back..good luck with work..and have a lovely day

Good for you.

Bina you made staid and prudential decision of returning home. People who know the values of family, culture and creed would ultimately find this western society a hell where despite of high living standard and ammenities cant provide a breath of composure. People in Pakistan live in an illusion and way far of reality, in fact they are insane who look a way to get out the country to just entering in the `heaven`. Once they are in their land of dream they realize the reality then they cry and curse as they see so hardship and difficulties they cant bear with. When they would

realize the value of motherland? Dollars attract us at the cost of culture, values, religion, family and most of all freedom of all.

Again congratulation to making a right decision and enjoy your life and have fun.

I found this article enlightening in the sense that it rekindled a number of my own feelings. I suppose many of us have a sentimental yearning to return to Pakistan but for any number of reasons it is simply more convenient to continue living in the West. Some of the same points brought up by the author about those very non tangible but priceless experiences about life back home ring true, especially the bit about kissing one`s fourteen year old brother despite prevalent North American culture in most Pakistani homes in the U.S. and Canada. I see a lot of people from South Asia in my regular work dealings in Toronto and sometimes I wonder if people really are that much better off here. With marital, social, economic,job and cultural problems it seems that nobody is immune from a curious set of different problems. Things at home may not be great but clearly we are trading one set of problems here for another set of problems and only time will tell if it`s an equitable trade.As a member of Generation X I wonder if our concept of dreams, values and the concept of quality of life haven`t changed radically ; maybe beyond money to something better like personal fulfillment and peace of mind. Anyhow Good Luck Bina!

Ulp....! Found the story quite touching. You made some pretty brave decisions here. What is wonderful is that it was your own choice. I think that is more important, than the choice itself.

Good luck

As a perennial transient expatriate, I can certainly relate to solace one finds amongst family and friends. But more importantly, the land back home represented the continuity of our
sentiments and aspirations as a people, a culture
and a civilization. On a personal note inspite,
of all the ills that lurk in that land of ours,
family furnishes the respite, the comfort and the
refuge. Having lived in the West most of life, and
seeing generations merge into the american mosaic,
that continuity of ideas and values is lost in the
diaspora of the Pakistani- American family. The tragic part is that many do not even have a choice, because of economic realities - we trade our future for the present. Of course, many amongst us, feel infalliable that our thoughts, values, culture, traditions - will continue with our progeny. Sadly more often than not, it does not come to pass. Our transition from Pakistani - Americans, to Muslim Americans to Joe Blow takes but at most two or three generations.

Who are we fooling? Once, you go back home you realize things are not quite the same as you left them. Cousins are all married and busy with their new found families, friends have either moved to the U.S., Europe, Middle East or Australia, or, maybe, if you live in Karachi, shot to death. Your euphoria is over as soon as you realize that you will never get promoted, i.e. if you do succeed in ever finding a job, unless you have a political connection. The human race has a long history of moving to other regions to pursue a better life for themselves and their future generations.

Let`s face the harsh reality, Pakistan is just an emotional state that reminds you of your beautiful carefree days as a child. There are so many people I know who were bitten by the bug of patriotism and went back to Pakistan. Only to come back, more determined than ever, never to go back. Wake up and smell the coffee! Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated with this country, just like the Italians, the Germans, the Jews, and I guess the rest of the world.

As someone who returned to Islamabad four years ago after having spent 11 years in the US, which included jobs with Fortune 50 companies, let me add my 1.5 cents worth, which may be of benefit to persons working in the US:

1. Don`t return to Pakistan for any emotional reasons such as nostalgia, extended family etc. Obligation to old and sick parents is a different matter. If the latter is your reason, then first do your best to try and get them there. You should think about returning only after that effort comes to a dead end.

2. Understand before you board that plane that your salary will be no more than 20% (i.e. if you`re lucky) of what it is currently. On the other hand your expenses can easily be upto 50% of what they are now. (eg. gas = $2.1/gallon). Career growth and learning will be an order or two behind that of the US.

3. If you do decide to come here and give it a try, write off at least two years for the effort. During this period you will inevitably face challenges at work, at home, in the street, in the stores, that will test your patience. If you ride out the first two years your chances of staying on improve somewhat.

4. There`s really no arguing the fact that things are going steadily downhill in Pakistan economically, politically and socially , and have been for many years now. If you do decide to tough it out over here it will be in this backdrop which, to say the least, will be very demoralizing. So be prepared.

5. Don`t burn your bridges with the US. Green Card, passport, H-1, whatever you have try to hang on to it for as long as possible.

6. Try to create a US based source of income before returning, no matter how small it is.

If being close to relatives can be equated to being home, then this is easily resolved by taking your family overseas. Home is where the heart is, thats what they say. So as long as you can see a sense of purpose for your existance, be it in Karachi, New York, or Toronto, you will be able to be at peace. And if you cannot, then peace will be as far from you as Karachi from New York (or maybe more). Money or material benefits for oneself rarely brings happiness into ones lives. But the transition is easier for people that come to the west for facilities such as education (for their children). Crime is everywhere, so is discrimination (you can be passed over for promotion even in the western countries), etc.

Six or seven years is a short time in one`s life. My parents migrated from India to Pakistan, now I migrated from Pakistan to Canada. Life is full of changes and compromises, take it as it comes.

Best of luck in your current decision Bina.

Re: arafiq

``Wake up and smell the coffee! Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated with this country, just like the Italians, the Germans, the Jews, and I guess the rest of the world.``

Easier said than done, the value systems in the
aforementioned ethnic groups was very similar.
If one adheres to ones Islamic beliefs ( assuming
one actually is a muslim) - the core values
paritcularly pertaining to family and other domestic issues runs smack into the front from the occident. Most of us are first generation immigrants, the problems usually show up in the
assimilation of their children - they are ecoomically well off, better educated - but their value system is markedly different ( in many instances) from that of their predecessors. To
many this evolution of their value system is a natural progression towards assimilation, to others this is a nightmare of gigantic proportions resulting in domestic turmoil and strained relationships. Of course all of this is contingent
on your perspectives on life and the legacy that you would like to leave behind.

The development of Islamic magnet communities
and associations is but one attempt to maintain the religious and cultural value systems, Western
individualism inherently contradicts the family
oriented values of the East.

Nice job of putting all the complex thoughts going through our minds in a few sentences. But the bottom line is that there are certain pluses and minuses attached to both the places and its upto an individual to decide which way he or she wants to go. Bina made the decision keeping her needs in mind and important thing is that she is happy with her decision and its implications. Good luck with future Bina and as they say, ``it doesn`t matter what happens to you, what matters is how you behave when it is happening to you``

I think it was a wise decision of coming back to homeland