Growing up an American Muslim

Rishi: re: ``few hispanics want to learn english`` -this is not really true, by and large most overwhleming majority want to learn English. The issue is a bigoted treatment towards Spanish. Latinos, 2nd generation etc. are very much bi-lingual. While for now English has a hold, iin the future Spanish will be the key to good positions, and networking. Even if English is the language of trade, Spanish is the language that will get you in through the ``informal`` door... this is a demographic reality. I honestly do not think that Muslims even register as a blip on the radar screen for now, they`re mostly concentrated in low level white collor jobs , rarely with any position of power or authority, and with little political muscle to show `cause of infighting, and disorganization.

Freozk: re: compromise: yes groups generally do need to compromise... but only when they need to do so. Right now Latinos have no need to compromise, speaking for Los Angeles, for example... the old Black political structrue is whitering away, and being rapidly replaced by Latino politics, that includes demmands that schools, and social services train and recruite people familiar with their language and culture. -I work as a social worker, in Compton, CA, a once Black city, now 60% Latino.. but the social services have not changed and continue to be focused only on Blacks. This will have to change very soon. (I by the way speak fluent Spanish, and lived in Mexico, and on the Texas/Mexico border for a few years -hence my sympathies:)) . Right now, in California, if you go for a job that involves any public contact, and you speak Spanish, chances are you`ll be placed fare ahead of other applicants). -Anyways this is a little digression from the topic) -But the next generation of desis may not be talking about

Pepsi, and McDonalds -they may be talking about burritos, enchiladas, horchata, and tortas, and tamarindos... -Altaf

Mubashir:

I resent your characterization of me as an x-muslim, were you to say that to my face in a public street, i assure u, you would be left spitting out a mouthful of teeth, wondering how you came to find yourself lying flat on your back in the dirt. I however am big enough not to feel the need to question your profession of faith, since i know that only G-D can judge what is in men`s/women`s hearts, not I, for i am not infallible.

Zehra : I Read your ALL your comments from the Shandana Minhas article. Okay, so you`re a real living, sensitive, breathing human being with real feelings, character and a mind of your own, under that black potato sack. There i said it!

I respect your rght to be American and be whatever you want to be completely since i deeply cherish the value of free speech and freedom of personhood.

Frankly if you are saying that you don`t don a hijab for religious reasons, well then I don`t care whether you wear jeans, Shalwar Kameez,a skirt, fishnet stockings or a bikini in public.

My point about hijab is that almost all women who wear it have the desire to do so inculcated into them, no one wakes up one fine morning and says, `let me hide my face from the world.` Lets not kid ourselves, you wear it not because hijab is in fashion or for any other frivilous reason, but because you believe its religiously required.

And that is precisely where i disagree with u, and will till my last breath.

As for my comment about my hypothetical sister, i didn`t mean to imply that i`d use anything beyond reasonable persuasion with her, it would shock me though since no one i know in my family wears it. There is no compulsion to, no one encourages it. Fact is, without a Hijab nurturing enviornment no woman will wear it. If i did anything beyond talk till i was blue in the face, yes, i`d be no better than those i despise).

I have developed a distaste for Hijab after thinking deeply and carefully about the insidious institution of patriarchy.

The women patriarchy produces only invite my pity, and perhaps contempt (though its not their fault) because they can never aspire to equality, or anything beyond servility in general. I respect those who stand up for themselves and no others. It doesn`t matter if they disagree with me, the point is to be able to think independantly for oneself. You really think Afghan women or Baluch women have that choice? Gimme a break. Their seclusion from society is enforced by their menfolk. You may be the exception to the rule, you may believe you are, but lets cut the b.s, we both know that at some point in your life the burqa/veil/hijab was presented as a pure ideal, and you accepted that at face value. Lets not deny that. My point is only that we should scratch between the hijab to determine who put the seed into your head and we will arrive at the truth. You yourself said you don`t understand why you wear it. Well, i am giving you the answer. But, doubtless your experiences in the world have created a shell around you that prevents words like these from penetrating and having any effect or inspiring self-questioning. As for sexless objects, can you really deny that its precisely what it looks like men have reduced women to? Because the men we are dealing with are secretly afraid of women?s sexuality/sensuality?

Check out, The Lack of Women`s Rights in Pakistan by Omar Mirza (moi) & Replies by me, and you will understand why i speak with such passion about this subject.

Re: To all who wrote about the melting pot/vs mosaic

It`s been interesting to read everyone`s comments on the subject. Personally I think despite the U.S`s best efforts to make their society a melting pot it will inevitably end up a mosaic. Question remains to be seen how long it will remain a harmonious mosaic.

It doesn`t matter that 2nd/3rd generation desis will all speak English only and eat pizza and french fries more than daal and curry. This is due to several reasons:

a) First generation immigrants socialize almost exclusively with people of the same cultural background. Small cities, large cities, the pattern is the same. Now in larger cities, the children grow up having socialized mainly with children of family friends and relatives - who are all desi. And as such feel more comfortable socializing with ``2nd generation`` desis. This doesn`t mean they won`t have friends that are non-desi, many still do,and there are always exceptions to this rule however the bulk of their socialization are with desis, or at the very least same religon if they are muslim.

Also most cities have ethnic ghettos which facilitate the socialization ``with your own kind``. Case in point: In the province of British Columbia there is a significant Sikh/Punjabi population that came in the early 1900`s to help build the Canadian Rail system ,do logging and farming. Now their descendants are 3rd generation plus, and they are still very distinct in their cultural outlook from what would be considered ``mainstream`` (read white anglo-saxon) Canadian society. However they are becoming more politically active as one of the cabinet ministers in the BC provincial gov`t is Sikh.

b)While myself and another other desis/muslim who are born on North America have an emotional attachment to the land (due to it being where one was born), I can not relate to the historical ``nostalgia`` of the pioneers forging out a place for themselves in the ``New World``. It doesn`t matter how many times I made paper log cabins in school and studied about the pioneers, it means nothing to me, aside from it being an interesting historical note. My history in North America started only after my parents arrived here. And so I reject the idea of having to conform to the anglo-saxon (or french)culture to be ``Canadian``. Of course I`m different than a desi from Pakistan, many of my opinions interests and outlooks on life will be different of someone directly from Pak. However, the effect of my parent`s values, opinions,outlook and interests shapes my personality as well and as such my definition of what it is to be Canadian will be very different than a descendant of a pioneer.

And that is where the melting pot idea fails.

Re: Amin Saleh

I actually have a pamphlet entitled:

25 Most Frequently Asked Questions About Islam by Shahid Athar. It`s published by Abdul Jalil

P.o box 962, Elberton, GA 30635

phone 706-283-7510.

It was reprinted by the Dawa Information Group

8424 Naab Road, Suite 1C, Indianapolis, IN 46260.

Give the above number a call or write them, and

I`m sure they can mail you a free copy.

Regards,

Fozia

Re: maliani post # 34

In response to your comment not to base race relations on personal experiences. Pray, please enlighten me just how we should base our race relations? Should we base them on texts books writen by an acdemic committee on Social Harmony?

We are all creatures of our environment and our own experiences in that environment shapes our realities. It seems that our experineces were different in this regard. As to being stabbed and being beaten being considered inhumane, inhumanity had nothing to do with it. I just didn`t put up a better fight that is all and I lost! I have only myself to blame!

Re: Aliya post # 29

In hindsight, I am sorry for subjecting you to my diatribe. It was uncalled for and I sincerely and humbly apoligise for my actions. You did not deserve such a response to your questions. My most sincere apology to you dear lady and in the future, I will promise to behave myself!!

As to your comment about my labeling different groups under one identity, the reason for that is they are all losers. North American indians, Spanish speaking population of pre-Texas, California, French speaking peoples in Canada, Americans or where ever such groups exist are losers because they lost their fights. Why don`t they expect the fact that they lost and themselves are to blame for their lot in life and just shut the hell up!!!

Aliya bibi, it rankles the hell out of me when these groups play the victim and ask people to feel sorry for them for being losers. It is the same with the American revisionism of Vietnam in movies and all the Rambo movies which try to show that America did not get its ass handed to it in Vietnam. The simple matter of fact is that they lost. They lost. This is nothing more than Darwinism at play.

You asked should these groups lose their cultural identity, language and traditions, because they lost a battle? The answer is yes! Look what the Romans did to Carthage after winning the Punic Wars of Hannibal. The Romans killed all the males, sold all the women and children into slavery and sowed salt in the ground, where Carthage was, so that nothing would grow there. That is the way I like it! That is retribution and fire and brimestone the way I like it! That is how we should deal with people like Saddam Hussein and that Butcher of Belgrade. I am sick and tired of those appeasers in NATO who just promise idle threats and do not back them up.

I think that the basic United States Marine Corps` creed should be this country`s basic policy in dealing with everyone: lets kill him all now and let God sort them out later! Thin the herd, thin the herd I say!!!!!

Re: Zehra post # 26

Hiya bud! I would give peace a chance, but it died with John Lennon a long time ago. I am not preaching violence, but merely reacting to it. Though I promise you, I will be a better person when I have killed all these (expletive deleted in deference to Aliya) who are making a (expletive deleted) and the world is a better place, because these (expletive deleted) are no longer around to (expletive deleted) thing ups!

Is there an alternative to violence? If there is, I am not interested in it!

On a lighter note. Quebec City is a beautiful and a charming place. It is like a piece of old Paris which has been transported to this continent. In winter, Quebec City holds an annual Winter Carnavel where people sculpt amazing ice sculptures. In summer, it is just a sheer delight. There are so many drop dead beautiful women in Quebec City and they know how to dress to your imaginations!

I love Canadians!!! Canadian women are more liberal, in my opinion in their sexual mores than American. On the other hand of the spectrum, the hardest women to get into bed are the Germans. Trying to get them into bed is like convincing the Gesatpo that one is not Jewish! Damn near impossible!! Now the best, are the French Canadians women...oh yeah, baby!!!:)

re: maliani
I see what you are saying regarding religion and culture. You separate the RITUAL from the SPIRITUAL. Like popular schools of Sufi thought that flourished in India, Bhakti movement and even modern day secularism.
However, to some Muslims the ritual, spiritual, culture, politics, clothing, eating, everything comes from Islam. While looking at non Arab countries one can easily point out cultural things that come from Islam (hence Arabic) and culture that comes from their pre-Islamic past (which the orthodox may consider pagan).
I think thats where the religion vs culture mixup occurs.

re:Zehra

In one instance you say ``how does one differentiate between your religion, your identity and your culture?`` and you go on to say that ``Islam specifically derives its culture from religion``. hence Muslims also do. Fair enough.

But then elsewhere you say, ``We (Muslims) are not so foreign anymore and are making forays into mainstream culture all the time (the runways, Madonna, Talvin Singh, Cornershop, its all there). I am not exactly sure what you mean. TS and Cornershop have nothing to do with Islam or Arabia. runway ???? Yasmin Ghauri (half German/half Pak) maybe.... Madonna chants in Sankrit and wears Mehandi ????
I think this is the dichotomy Maliani is referring to when he brings up differences in culture and religion in reference to non-Arab Muslims.

regards

re maliani
``religion is a subset of culture``

this is a rather narrow and linear view of culture, religion and identity. where does religion end and culture begin? can you truly cut up and break down your own person, your thoughts, your material environment into its `cultural` and `religious` pieces? EVEN if one takes the rather limited set theory definition of religion and culture, how does it delegitimise zehra`s self-identification as a cultural and religious muslim?

RE: Faraz

I was giggling throughout your response…this is said in no way to demean you at all but to let you know that i wasn`t offended. ( im sure you didn`t mean to offend so don`t worry, you didn`t). First of all let me make it clear that I never meant to explain anything. It was not an analytical essay but more a catharthic one. It wasn`t meant to edify anyone or any issue but written for the mere pleasure of writing and to collect my prize money ( yep, I got paid for that one). Secondly, name-calling for an adolescent is one of the worst things to happen. When you have children and someone harasses them on account for just being who they are, you let me know how that makes you feel. The image of terrorists, yes ofcourse there is that image, but I personally do not know of any terrorists whereas it used to be assumed that any Muslim walking down the street was a terrorist. All I was suggesting was that, guess what that stereotype has evaporated and hell, it`s a good thing that it has cuz im tired of telling people that yes indeed, I am carrying a bomb underneath my scarf. I suggest you read the content of me piece more carefully because the idea of stereotypes existing is very real and still there I never denied that. The pledge of alligence..i pledge alligence to no one but my god and this counrty of which I am a citizen gives me the choice for not pledging my allegence to it. Thank you amreeka! Adapting to local culture..what is the culture like in your area…every part of america has a different culture. This country of freedom, education and high standards also gives me the chance to be all that I can be ,and all that I can be is me. Why should I adapt? Don`t you think amreeka can handle people like me? isnt it called the melting pot? Incidentally, if I had to choose a local culture in america to live in, I think it would either be the big apple ( nyc) or new orleans..two different yet landmark american cultures. Just for clarification purposes faraz, I am not oppressed and never said I was. Read the piece again, multiple readings can give you a different perspective each time. You also said: ``And I have no desire to raise a family in the culturally schizophrenic manner in which most desi families do.``

I think I owe my parents big time for introducing me to a different perspective on life.

Re: Rishi you said : `` Then i realized that the truth is your choice is as individual as you are and as long as you can defend it to yourself then you must be okay. And expecting to convince everyone would be too much.`` Thank you so much. It does all come down to ME being comfortable with it. I mean how does one explain the myriad of reasons and feelings why we do the things we do? Its impossible and any explanation comes out half baked and its only frustrating. It does come down how I can explain things to myself and how I feel about that. Your anology of the dirty jeans was perfect. There are some things that we do to please our parents, that is so very true, and I will admit that that definitely plays a part in my wearing hijab. South asian parents have a strange hold on their children, and at times its almost tangible. But again, as you so wonderfully put it, I would not expect my parents to stand in my way if I chose to marry someone outside of my culture and/or religion. They wouldn`t give me the green light on that one but its something I would feel very strongly about and would have to counter whatever arguments they presented. Its all about how much priority you give that issue in your life and how much you want to fight for it. Thanks.

z.rizvi

Zehra:

well i would email but i dont have yer addie with me so y dont u email me??

and yes i said Karachi .. long story :)

Bina:

Unfortunately i`ve been an eternal FOB ... never stayed in one place long enough to figure it out ..

But as far as Asians in Britain are concerned ... well I have been living there for nearly 4 years now and there are soooo many elements that must be included in any article about the subject ... maybe it could be a sub-trilogy to my original trilogy :)

as far as Asians beaing treated as Blacks ... couldnt say for sure ... i dont have first hand knowledge about the US .. only what i hear, read, or see during my short visits there ..

but here is something interesting ... around November 98 i think .. there was this whole debate going on in various cirlces in London ... about whether `Asians` should be considered a separate race from `Blacks` ... my 2 bits in the opinion poll that followed were ... We Asians are more racist .. towards Africans as compared to any other grouping .. so that by default makes us a separate racial group ... QED :)

but I will soon post something about Muslims in Britain ..

ArtZ.

Re: Zehra

BTW nations are made by common history, language, culture and socio-political interests.

Re: Zehra

Religion is a subset of Culture and not the other way round!!

Re: Ferozk

What i wanted to comment was that you cannot discuss race relations simply on personal experience. And if you were beaten and stabbed it was totally inhumane and shouldn`t have happened. And it certainly does not justify that since it happened with you may happen to other immigrants as well.

Re: Faraz
You say ``..... and who expect the U.S. to change for them and won`t adapt to the local culture themselves.``

Interesting! Now you should apply this same statement in the case of Pakistan especially Sindh where muslim immigrants from India not only rejected the local culture but enforced their language and culture and expected the locals to change for them and did succeed to some extent.

zehra, a serious topic very humorously expressed. enjoyed reading.

Re: ferozk

Good to see you back in your usual form.

I thought Altaf`s comments were quite relevant.

A minor detail about your earlier reply though:
How come you took one swipe at all the groups (native Americans, local spanish speaking and immigrant spanish speaking) together, I think these are very different groups and have very different historical/ cultural issues.

My initial objection to Rishi was also about this generalization about ALL hispanics .

Also: your message of fighting till the last breath may apply to Hispanics too who are trying to preserve their culture regardless of what American white majority determines as the ``norm``. Unlike you and me, this is their land by birth and not by choice, for many of them, their culture is not thriving in Pakistan or India or wherever, for them, its here and now or gone forever.

re: bina To read more about what its like to grow up paki/british , pick up any hanif kureshi book. the black album or my all time favorite, the bhudda of suburbia. His books were my first glance at what pakis have to go through in Britain. I had NO idea it was that bad. That might have been why I enjoyed `the black album` actually. As to comparing FGM (female genital mutation) to hijab...you remind me of the close-minded freaks I had to deal with my freshman year in an all women`s institution (and we wonder why I wasn`t too keen about the college experience). They equated hijab with someone who would hold down another woman to see her all chopped up and sexless. I love your work and I think its so important that people like you are in Karachi creating awareness but there is no reason to alienate one group of women from another. Its like the suffragettes movement, where they felt that to further their cause they would have to overlook the rights of black women since the white male still couldn`t get the black chip off his shoulder. It`s a shame and instead of creating a bond that can strengthen and grow you are asking people to choose sides. If I wear hijab I cant be as liberal and open-minded as the rest. That is the message that you send out. I do not want this to turn into a hijab discussion..as ive pointed out countless times before..its pointless to discuss it. Thanks for your comments and lets see if we can pressure artz into becoming the next hanif kureshi.

Re: aliya. What a fascinating thing you said about hispanics in the united states. Who is included under this hispanic name? It usually entails all spanish speaking people ( that is also debatable since many cultures speaking what we term spanish don`t even call it spanish). Most of the south americans in the US feel out of place and do reminecse about their life back home. They are a resilient people and will make it work here because they have better living conditions and the civil wars they fight on the streets are less evil compared to the ones that left them homeless. I am not being in anyway patronizing, just very truthful about what really goes one. This is the land of my birth but I don`t call it home. I have yet to realize what home is for me. Its more a feeling than a physical location. I am lucky that way. There is an idea of home for every culture, especially in the US where its so easy to feel alienated. Im reading a book called `Zami: a different spelling of my name` by Audre Lourde right now and there is this definite idea of feeling isolated in this culture and needing something that represents home…in lourdes case it is this mythical land that her mother used to talk of and for lourde`s mother it is a mythical place that her mother used to talk about. Im getting tangential but the bottom line was, I don`t agree with your statement about this being home and that it is here and now or gone forever for hispanics. Who are we to make calls on their culture anyway? Now im really going to get tangential but since I can`t sit here for the next thirty minutes, mebbe it can be raised at some other point. Its like anthropologists going into these indigenous cultures and coming up with their theories..atleast we see representation in these departments in the present day and age by people of that specific culture being in that academic circle…atleast for south asain anthropology, can`t speak too much for the others. Thanks for raising that up aliya :)

z.rizvi

Re: Aliya

``My initial objection to Rishi was also about this generalization about ALL hispanics .``

-- I was referring mostly to the views held by white/black Americans in America and also published information available on this issue. It is also a fact that California due to its huge Hispanic population is considering/considered spanish medium primary schools. But then, i perfectly understand that i am nobody to force them to learn English... Again, as a few Hispanics are realising nowadays, only English is going to help them grow up the social/economic ladder. There could be very many spanish speaking areas within America, but without English they would be only a sub-nation of shopkeepers and restauranteurs ....and that too is a fact.

However i stand corrected if it came across as a gross generalization. I accept that there are people within the community who don`t subscribe to this anti-english viewpoint.

Re: Zehra.

I have read your replies about your choice of Hijab in both the articles that you quoted. But then i was never convinced with the reasons that you gave. Heck, i was not convinced because you had to give reasons to convince. (do you really believe you wear it for the shock value you generate ...even if it happens to be a bonus). Then i realized that the truth is your choice is as individual as you are and as long as you can defend it to yourself then you must be okay. And expecting to convince everyone would be too much.

I agree that we all compromise somewhere. Like me choosing not to wear a certain torn, dirty Jeans just to please my parents or not to speak to a girl i somewhat fancy just because my girlfriend does not want me to. And when i make such compromises i come out with a feeling of having lost something within the bigger picture of making someone happier. Sometimes the sacrifices we make might mean a greater loss to us than to the people for whom we make a loss. In such cases, convincing the other person about the rationality would be more helpful for both than to blindly follow his/her wishes. For me something like the Hijab would be such an issue. For you it might be not so.

I would perceive it as causing more harm to my individual self than the comparative gain it provides my parents. In which case i would try hard to convince them about the difference between our choices. The final decision would depend on the circumstances. Like I would definitely marry a girl even against my parents wishes, but not wear a dirty jeans.

The distinction is a very fine line , if at all it exists. And towards the end it is only a personal choice as to where we all draw the line between our and others choice.

And the funnier part is nothing matters at all one way or the other

Responses eagerly awaited,

Rishi

Ms. Rizvi,

First of all you make it clear that there are conflicts between being a Muslim and being American but you never really explain them. What is it that you find so hard about being a Muslim in America. Name calling? Is that it? Please...most minorities have been subjected to far worse.

You also are very disturbed at the media image of Muslims, ie one of terrorists. Ever wonder why that stereotype exists. Could it be that ``our people`` have a higher than average propensity to blow up things (specially buildings with people inside). You yourself were ``convinced`` that the Okhlahoma blast was the work of Muslims. How can you expect apple-pie-Americans to not have the same reaction? Stereotypes do not evaporate overnight.

And pray tell... where do you get off not standing for the pledge of allegiance. Are you not an American? Has this country not given you freedom, an education and a high standard of living? Oh but yeah you get sh_t from cashiers for wearing mehndi. Oh my such oppression. Believe me I have no sympathy for immigrants who do not respect the institutions of this country. I am amazed at the number of immigrants this country accepts, whose loyalty in suspect at best and who expect the U.S. to change for them and won`t adapt to the local culture themselves.

Incidentally, I am working in the U.S. am planning on going back home and have no desire to become an American citizen. And I have no desire to raise a family in the culturally schizophrenic manner in which most desi families do.

my thirty seconds of glory again.

temporal and ferozk..yaar tum logoon kay pass aur koiee kaam nahi hai? heheh, kidding, love hearing from you guys and im absolutely psyched that these issues are coming up into the forefront..thanks to the aliya/ferozk interaction.

re: omar1974 you said ``any comments?``

PLENTY. if you would like to know my stance on hijab please refer to the article by shandana minhas ``this should do it``. i went into unnecessary detail about my private life and the reasons i wore hijab. also see bina shahs article dealing with the shariat bill being passed in pakistan..the name of the article escapes me at this moment. regardless of my stance on hijab i must say, you have a patriarchal view on it yourself. you say that if you had a sister and if she wanted to wear hijab you would be against that....that if ANYTHING is what one should not have to deal with. being forced to be what somone else wants them to be. sometimes i think i wear hijab becuase i love the shocking value that comes from it. i routinely get stopped on the street from classmates asking why i wear hijab when i am not reinforcing any of their sterotypes that go along with it. i tell them its time that things changed and that everything really comes down to illusion doesnt it? what is my reality and how well can you deal with it, but more importantly, how is affecting your preception of the world? now im not saying that i wear hijab as a cute and clever gimmic, but for my own personal reasons..the shock value is just a bonus. thanks for your comments.

re: artz..WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN? your response cracked me up, but then you always did. email me or die :) also, did you say karachi???

re: ferozk..my my, preaching tons and tons of violence now, arent we? i know im totally going to come across a peace preaching hippie, but really, is alllll that violence necessary..i see your republican prespective but what about us liberals who want to give peace a chance? what about being the better person? im not saying to back down but is there NO other way we can go about this? are the canucks realllly that bad? also, is quebec city really as beautiful as some people say? one of these days, one of these days.

Re: maliani…you said:

``BTW, Islam should not be our identity but simply a religion, our identity should be our culture.``

Don`t you think the three are inextricably linked? I mean how does one differentiate between your religion, your identity and your culture? I call myself an American Muslim..that is my identity and I use both culture and religion to identity myself with. Also, many religions around the world, and we can talk specifically about Islam derive their culture from their religion..which would negate your point completely. Thanks for the commentary…though the bad mouthing of other readers could be omitted.

Re: afraisayab..you said :

``However, I am always amazed at the mentality behind the Muslims who were born here``

I was born and for most of the part have been bred here. Your point is a valid one of fob`s vs abcd`s but since in some circles im considered a fob and in others a abcd, I can say ive seen both sides of the picture..as for people whining about discrimination..well, we know it exist, but should really not whine about it. As ferozk has been saying, get up and fight, its not about to be handed to you on a chandi ka platter. I don`t quite agree with his aggressive stance but feel that awareness is ofcourse the key…education as always comes in and people like, fozia, who was the `token muslim` in her class and had to field questions, people like that make a difference. As I wrote, gone is the terrorist and enter your next door neighbors or classmates. We are not so foreign anymore and are making forays into mainstream culture all the time (the runways, Madonna, Talvin Singh, Cornershop, its all there). If we stop thinking of ourselves as foreign so will everyone else. Then again, why let go of who we are to become more `american`? My take on that is to change what being ``american`` is all about. I want the term to fit who I am because dammit! I am american. As an american I can be whomever I choose to be and whoever doesn`t like it, can take a hike :)

Re: gk…you said:

``I don`t want them to not fit in or to have to live a dual lifestyle, one at home and one at school.... yet the balance seems to be just out of my reach....am I missing something?``

don`t kid yourself. We all live dual lifestlyes. And its not only south asians, its all minorites who are trying to fit into the culture and scoiety that is different from their ``indigenous`` one ( I do qustion how mcuh of their societies are going to be left untouched by the corporate kfc, pizza hut fingers). The balance is in knowing that you have this duality and not feeling strange or bewildered by it but to embrace it ( I feel so completely cheesy at this point). By embracing this duality they can get the best ( and yes, there will be some not so good parts) of both worlds and be better, more aware, more understanding people. I went to pakistan for my formative years so take all of this with a handfull of salt. Doesn`t mean I still didn`t have to deal with it.

Thanks everyone for your comments. Its been a while since I have `dil khol kay baat` on chowk.

z.rizvi