His Decision

Absolutely marvelous, both in substance and style. This is the most well crafted piece of writing I`ve read at the Chowk in a long time.

[``…life had its own agenda, he had lately begun to realize, and no amount of planning could control the whims of the heart…``]

How very, very true. These are the words of a sage. One who has been there and back. This realization comes but only to a few.

[``…the words suddenly stirred him… he remembered his old feelings of certitude and purpose, feeling giddy with excitement at a treasure rediscovered…``]

With such effortless casualness these profound and insightful words describe the subtle workings of the mind. Verily, beliefs are based on emotional foundations. Excellent.

The only blemish in the whole piece, as already pointed out, is the Mitch / Omar typo, but that`s why writers have editing folks looking out for them.

…SR

Yes, I am also not sure why Omar wants to play for the ``other team``, just because Oren left him and ended the relationship?! Well, love is tough and if you lose it only time can heel the wounds, chaning lifestyle might not help! Besides, it seems that Omar was the one so deeply involved in the relationship and not Oren, and if that`s the case then Omar must move on with his life.

re: Kafir
Well written. Enjoyed it. It is the first piece of writing of its kind that I have read.
What struck me as somewhat interesting was that a lot of the issues Omar had with life-in-general are issues everybody has regardless of whether they are gay or heterosexual. For example, anxiety about marriage, loneliness, etc. are things that a lot of heterosexual people go through.
From the story, it is not really clear to me why Omar wants to turn straight. He is obviously already in a `famiuliar` circle of friends and companions who accept him for being gay. The emotional turmoil he seems to be going through could happen to even heterosexual people after they end a relationship.

Excuse my ignorance on the subject. But is there such a HET gene which you can inject and it will make you heterosexual ? Does that imply that being gay is somewhat of a genetic oddity ?
I always thought that being gay was (as Audrey echoed) because of ``All the pain and self-hating that one may go through while growing up``. Hence being more psychological than physiological.
Aren`t those two kind of contradictory ?

I went to a boarding school in India. And this is what we were taught about being gay. It did bring about a little more awareness and acceptance about the whole thing. Although I still remember how certain people were treated once everybody knew they were gay. I didn`t initiate any of it myself but I still carry that burden of bad karma, just for not ever doing anything positive to prevent it.

Kafir, congrats on being published on Chowk and for e-penning a thought provoking, sometimes uncomfortable, article with an unique perspective. On this side of the hetrosexual fence, though we pretend other wise, we know so little about how the other side exists.

To the Chowk staffers, bravo for your decision and you have moved in the vanguard, by your actions, in the attaining the ideals of tolerance and equality for all who visit this incrediable cyber landmark!

I liked the story, well written, but on a sidebar, i am curious to know about a more personal perspective on the tension between a gay Paki-Muslim and his family, how they deal with the issue, their response etc. You certainly are not obliged to fulfill my curiosity in this regard, but i`d be interested to hear your personal experiences in this regard and the status of your relationship with your family (Parents & Siblings, and childhood friends). Do they know? Or are you still in the closet ?

OMAR1974

kafir, im so glad to see a piece finally published by you..i know that you have been trying etc. you did manage to beat me to it. look for a piece by me on identity politics within the gay community. i have been doing research on it ( some academic mostly personal)..and i have come up with a stumbling block on finding any academic matieral that pertains to gay muslims and the kind of community they are able to form. i have been meeting and talking with salga (south asain lesbian and gay association) members in NY and was hoping to get some more feedback from you at some point, since my connections on the west coast are pretty much non existent. if you have the time, i would love to hear from you, please email me at errerr@hotmail.com.

once again, great job dealing with the issues on hand, the indecision and guilt on being `different`.

z.rizvi

Kafir: Really enjoyed reading this story. I admire your honesty and courage in dealing with a topic which most societies have colored with shame and contempt. The love scene was a bit jarring at first, but your unselfconscious way of relating it very quickly eased my discomfort.

If I may, I`ll take the liberty of assuming that the religious theme in the work drew from your personal experiences in reconciling conflicts between your sexuality and the religion you grew up with. Does the p-nym `Kafir` stem from that?

Thank you for pushing the horizons of desi conformity in particular and human tolerance in general. And thanks to the CHOWK STAFF for allowing alternative voices, views, lifestyles, to be seen and heard. That requires courage, too.

hi, kafir!

didnt know you could write so well. excellent! i couldnt stop reading. i especially enjoyed the details of the brochures -- they really cracked me up. and the bit about the mock funeral procession, etc. was brilliant.

i hope you dont have to put up with too much right-wing finger-wagging. i`m glad you sent this story in and it got published.

now for the criticism: if you wouldnt personally make this decision, why did `Omar` make it? isnt that a cop-out? isnt it like killing the gay/black/other/dispesable person in the movie/book because living is a challenge?

Kafir:

Welcome. This is one of the better `first` efforts I have seen on the Chowk.

(Para 8-----``He hadn`t expected to be asked this`` stands out sorely---perhaps you can re-phrase or re-write it? Also, para 44 begins with ``Mitch``-----perhaps you mean ``Omar``?)

Let me confess something. As a hetereosexual,
I am always a little uncomfortable reading or discussing same sex tales. I cannot get into it with emotions--- sort of surgically detached, critical-analytical mode. And sans emotion, the enjoyment lacks something. Yeah, I am groping for words and emotions. Perhaps more on it later.

Let me go on a tangent and ask you something.
Mehta`s new movie, was it Fire, that depicted lesbian love on the screen and the outburst wirtnessed in India-------what if the screen lovemaking was done by Shah Rukh Khan and Akshay Khanna? Do you think our reactions would have been different? Are we ready for it here?

regards

Refreshing to see a good piece of fiction on chowk after a long time! Chowk was beginning to sicken me a little with all the expert political commentary, with het driven hormones raging in every discussion session. Anyway, the story is interesting and well written. Flows well and effectively weaves in various interesting characters. I was wondering whether the scene you describe of people burning effigies of converts was purely fictional, or was it inspired by true events?