Streets
Lalita Pandit June 15, 2000
#1 Posted by temporal on June 15, 2000 1:49:32 pm
Lalita:
Welcome to Chowk.
(Some highly subjective thoughts.)
I enjoyed this till “....without thought.”
From “She imagines......” to “from the sea” looked a bit out of place. I understand what you are trying to say contextually but I cannot quite put a finger on this out of place feeling that it gives me.
Perhaps, if I come back to this another time......
regards
temporal
Welcome to Chowk.
(Some highly subjective thoughts.)
I enjoyed this till “....without thought.”
From “She imagines......” to “from the sea” looked a bit out of place. I understand what you are trying to say contextually but I cannot quite put a finger on this out of place feeling that it gives me.
Perhaps, if I come back to this another time......
regards
temporal
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#2 Posted by Ras Siddiqui on June 16, 2000 10:36:46 am
A warm welcome to Lalita, a first timer on CHOWK.
I enjoyed this writing very much.
Don`t necessarily agree with Temporal but then
again I often don`t agree with Temporal....
Ras
#4 Posted by Neurogen on June 16, 2000 11:26:32 pm
What is this? A paragraph stretched to a poem. Needs more work in my opinion
#6 Posted by writer_77 on June 19, 2000 6:10:52 pm
Lalita,
nice thoughts. liked ``Time blackened
brick`` and also ``red sun sand``
I can feel the sadness and death. New and fresh.
Hamidah
nice thoughts. liked ``Time blackened
brick`` and also ``red sun sand``
I can feel the sadness and death. New and fresh.
Hamidah
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