The Burden of Virginity

what jawahara said...

urstruly #137 further to my previous note, I shall include that remark in my forthcoming book ``The Wit and Wisdom of Urstruly``.

urstruly #137 ``It would have made more sense if a leader who had risen from the lower echelons of society had committed corruption.``

This remark is a puzzlement. (quote, kind of, from the King and I).

Nasah #91 ``I hope my Pakistani friends will forgive for saying this. There are two curses that have befallen Pakistan since its inception/conception: Pakistani ISLAM and Pakistani ARMY.``

Agreed, and you are forgiven. But look what we have as compensation:

3. Pakistani POLITICIANS - they work 18 hours serving the country, and when they sleep they dream about how they can work harder for the people they serve;

4. Pakistan`s NEIGBORS - Those fun-loving Afghans and their swinging Kabuli nightclubs; those warm, loving Indians who never met a Paki they didnt like; those cool Iranians...

Gotta go, I am being summoned by the Pakistani FAMILY SYSTEM that leaves a man alone...

Fuzair #99 Make a soldier a batman and his spirit dies in due course. This is the worst thing you can do to a soldier.

Interesting article but rather disappointing toward the end. Now, I am not a proponent of premarital sex but it seemed to me that the author came to a rather convenient reason for her abstention toward the end. Kind of having your cake and eating it too. Where earlier her fear and trepidation of being found out and cast away from a normal life kept her a virgin, now fear and trepidation of other types of consequences maintains that state.

Written well, but rather too pat toward the end. Her parents will be happy (and so one assumes will be her future husband) and so will she, since a rather traditional reason for abstention has been replaced with a more modern, *responsible * one. For me, something did not ring true in this whole piece. But that could also be attributed to to a severe cold and too much Nyquil.:-)

A brilliant article. Points out the superficial taboos of our society. Where people get away with all the vices under the sun. And look down upon females only who are not virgins. Strange the very same pure society of ours does not look down upon non-virgin guys. I ask fellow desi males to look at this article as guide to our own hollowness before passing judgements on only the females. After all if a girl sleeps with some guy, the male should equally be blamed.

I still fail to understand how virginity began to be regarded as an asset.

I wonder if there is a way to capitalize of it.

Just imagine parents of bride and groom haggling over the dowry discussing how much the bride`s virginity or lack therefor is worth.

``I feel 50% discount for her untraversed kaut is fair``.

``No sir, I can only agree to 10%``

Or

``The girl is not a virgin, the marriage will bring defile our family honor. As you saab, news as such can`t be suppressed-it travels and travels. Just imagine the shame. We are stone-hearts…shameful indiscretion of youth must be forgiven, especially for such a darling child. We really really wish to give you daughter a sanctuary and dignity. But, we are terrified of the shame such news, if it fell on gossiping ears, may bring. Now, if there were 3 lakhs more in dowry, wee know we can purge this character blemish to the silent past.

first i thought about concealing my identity but
that just isnt my style...
i did think again about why i wanted
to..(conceal my identity that is...) the bad rep,
the this, the that, the looks, the comments, you
know the drill if you are a woman. no woman
who isnt married and south asian will confess
that openly to not being a virgin. so, neither
will i :) too many people in real life and chowk
life know me for me to survive the onslaught of
well meaning yet misguided advice and
solicitations..

think carefully about what you are doing..dont
have regrets...in anything least of all in sex.
nothing is worth regretting it later. let it feel
right..if it feels right with the boy next door, go
for it, if it feels right only if you are married then
wait.

if you are being brought up the `right way` in a
good s. asain household, you will attach
enough guilt to your every action so ...god help
you. we make good religious cousins to the
catholics.

i dont like to be thought of as a commodity.
my virginity is not the only important thing
about me..hell, it isnt important in the grand
scheme of things...you have to live a life with
me, not with something you take from me.

im interested in knowing what i will do if my
husband tells me he is a virgin. blushingly,
ofcourse.

are most men out there assuming that they
will marry a virgin? (those of you who wont
already have slept with your future wives)...i,
for one, hope that i wont. for the virgins out
there...think about it: two inexperianced
people, one night...spells disaster as far as
im concerned.

rizvi.

....... i hate to be a party-pooper, but let me remind my dear Brothers and Sisters that Allah (SWT) did not mince any words, when he said :

``[17.32] And go not nigh to fornication; surely it is an indecency and an evil way.``

.... i am horrified, disgusted, and really quite mortified by this ..... this horrible display of lewd, lascivious, lecherous, libidinous, ruttish, salacious and behaviour unbecoming of the Ummah ........ i expect this type of disgusting behaviour from those ... those Hindus - those other pagan dwellers of the sub-continent but not from people with names like Bismil ........

....... beware the wrath of Mullah Omar who has been known to tumble mud walls on impure wenches and their devil-incarnate partners..... Ya Allah - spare us the agony that you inflicted on the followers of Mr.Lot and Mr.Noah and the hedons who frequented Studio-54 ...... these people don`t know what they say .... they are young, hormone-crazy and in dire need of cold-showers .....

.... so Sisters, repeat after me :

`` I will cherish my body and sexuality as gifts from God and give myself time to grow, mature, and understand who I am and what God wants me to be in my life. I will take pride in being chaste because it pleases God and offers me the greatest freedom in life ``

....... may Allah Bless you and save your miserable skins from the wrath of the Taliban....

Lubna #17,

uralo mazaak gandi bachi :) i`m leaving i really am.

aur please in logon say kaho gandi baatein mat karain. mujhe sharam aati hai parh kay. kaheen main dozakh ki aag main na jal jaun aisi waahiyaat baatein parh kay.

Thank you all for interacting to my article.

Judging from the interacts, the men seem to have reached a general concensus as to the importance of de-virginization. But then, they are speaking from a male sexually driven perspective. I`m sure the thought of their bride having been with another man would eat at them, even though they might not admit it. Desi male egos are hard to surpress despite the ``modernization and western intellectualism.``

I`d like to hear from the ladies as well. If you are a virgin, I`d like to hear about how you came to the decision. And if you are not a virgin, (before marriage of course), what made you decide to have sex, and do you regret it and why?

Since this is a very sensitive matter, feel free to change your normal usernames in order to answer these personal questions.

If a someone tells his or her spouse something disturbing/hidden about their past on the wedding night, I don`t think they are being honest. It is too late, relationship has already been established, too much damage will be done to too many people.

It would be honest to tell the truth before the wedding is fixed. Now such a person I will respect who is being honest at the beginning of the relationship not when train has already crossed the bridge.

Here`s a situation: A friend of mine who was a blushing bride just a few months ago encountered a husband who revealed at their wedding night that he had had a realtionship with a man.

Ladies, what would YOU do in THAT situation?

More than anything else, I enjoyed the fact that religion was kept out of this. What stays with me the most are parents and friends telling me that I`d go to hell for having pre-marital sex.

``Yes, but what if I save a thousand children from dying some time in my life?``

``You`re still going to hell.``

Justification: it aint pre-marital sex if you never get married.

Could it be that virginity has turned into more of an issue for some women these days than it remains for most men?

If virginity, like permed hair, boosts your self-concept, by all means hold on to it. Beyong that it means little else. I know wonderful non-virgins and horrid virgins, and vice-versa.