The Burden of Virginity

I would say `` Honey that was your past. Let us talk about living OUR future lives together happily. It is all about being happy. Petty things dont matter.``

Cheers,

Mann

Arranged Marriage Horror Story

Bride & Groom (both of desi origin) lived in Canada in different provinces, both from well settled families, introduced, and married with a sumptous wedding reception by all accounts. Bride home in 3 days on the pretext of her close relatives sudden death.

Never goes back. Gossip has it that Bridegroom

had his Canadian gf living in his house all along. Refused bride`s request to move to another city.

Anyone got any others to contribute?

krashid

Nobody is allowed to do anything. They just do it anyway. Personally, aside from seriously precocious brats I haven`t come across pompous 5-year olds (I`m pretending to miss the sarcasm - in case you miss it - unless of course I misunderstood completely) ... out of the mouths of babes or hadn`t you heard. Maybe if more 5 year olds began to discuss God we`d be able to escape the boringly insular discussions of the 50 year olds.

Besides my question was not whether it makes sense to start another `career` as you put it by airing the past - but the implications of your statement - sex outside of marriage = sexual profligacy for want of a better word. ... anyway, i think the `blushing or otherwise` wife would be a nut to tell her husband on her wedding nite ... assuming the marriage was arranged it should be left alone until or unless both subsequently develop a relationship that allows them to talk about their respective escapades (although whats good for the gander is not always good for the goose as most have discovered to their cost) ... if its not arranged well then - if you haven`t talked about it yet - er better not !

cheers

dL

CENSORSHIP ON THIS BOARD !!!!!

cheez/sherry.
that was so painful to read. im usually the first to let spelling mistakes and uncapitalized letters and missing puncuation and stuff go (be kicked out) in the benign spirit of anti-establishment movments but good god! youve taken it to different heights...i could, like, not follow. and youve moved me enough to want to comment on your horrible command of the written word. do you just not know how to write or is that your Istyle? i know its inappropriate to comment on this (on this board and in general) but i am just amazed. i literally stumbled through that. that too barely.

Omar #99,

Holy moly! Either you`re a sex ed. teacher or you`ve been reading the Redbook too much.

DAMN!

zehra 97,

What`s wrong with a ``blushing`` groom?

A very good friend of mine (Caucasian) decided to be a virgin till his wedding night, and he`s the most wonderful guy, very open too.

I don`t see anything wrong with guys ``saving`` themselves for marriage. More power to them.

dl#102

I was definitely not referring to you, but question posed in this article.

In arranged marriage, I think discovery needs time and not on the wedding night.

Second, I am not fond of the institution of marriage. It is only a feather in cap for some men or women. (Somebody likes me so much as to marry). It can be done without marriage. Majority of marriage in my State is common law marriage, meaning people living together for many years without proper marriage. They put it on paper, if need arise. Like insurance for spouse etc. I take it as normal, as long as there is commitment to children.

Basically institution of marriage is related to children. Children need both parents. All the studies suggest positive aspect of both parent children vs single parent children. And this is also my observation. Why the sacredness of marriage?. Basically why I should bring up other persons child? And probably that is the reason for demand of fidelity on the part of female by males.

As long as women and men understand that children are the responsibility of both parents and the primary purpose of marriage, I think lot of misunderstanding regarding women`s Lib (ido) etc will be smashed.

Women should be LIBERATED:-) or be married, but not both.

Same goes for man. But since child does not come out of man`s womb, probably he is more strict regarding fidelity of wife.:-)

In which age are you living, honey?

I certainly won`t kick my bride out of my room if I discover on the wedding night that she`s not a virgin. She had a right to spend her life the way she wanted. Well that`s how I feel? And I must add that I`m still a virgin.

Virginity is a bad word as far as I am concerned. Growing up full of harmones in India is a bug pain in the wrong places. Mine was especially compounded by the fact that when I was looking out to err.. to procreate without creating things were a lot duller than the scene now. The past is not too far back - am now in early 30s now.

Zahra hit it on the head when she says ``no woman who isnt married and south asian will confess that openly to not being a virgin. ``

There was such a premium on virginity, that I couldn`t get in anywhere. Not that there were no girls, I fortunately got close to a few nice ones. In most cases the deal was we can go so far but no further...unless there is a commitment! How can a person of honor give a commitment when the future is not clear?? Or the intentions are NOT to give commitments?? It has been a frustrating life. Bless their souls I liked my friends/girlfriends but my life would have been so much more fulfilling if not for Desi fixation on virginity. So, I cast my vote against virginity!

Coming to Bismil`s question, here are some tips from someone who has been there, done that -

For those about to get married, men or women I don`t think relating about your past experience on your wedding night is a very bright thing to do. If you must talk about it, do it before the wedding. If it didn`t come up till the wedding, preferably keep it to yourself for ever after.

And if you are a male, you must be sensitive to the woman who trusted you by avoiding discussing her by name. In the desi context, rumors(or facts) can harm her a lot.

thanx

Most of the adult South Asian virgins living overseas are so not by choice (even though they will claim otherwise). All this hoohaa is utter nonsense. Follow your biological needs and urges, keep it safe, and enjoy. End the bitterness against human needs and behavior. If you can`t, go seek help.

if my new wife tells me that she is not a virgin, i would be glad, because than she can truly appreciate my greatness in bed, because she has something to compare it to!!

Ali 5000!

Or may be ``Chohara`` (date), if her experience was great in other`s bed.:-)

Roger 99

What is your age honey.

Will see you after your marriage.

This 5 year old babbling of yours will stop.

It would definitely loose my confidance on her because it means she had loved anybody else before and she got married to me in another kind of circumstances that forced her to marry me. However, I believe in ``Second to none.

What you wnat to say or what is your thinking please let me know because I want to listen all.

Best regards:

Virginity is like a bubble, one prick and its gone. This whole issue is utter rubbish.

The CHOWK is obviously a very middle class society because no one else cares about such a non-issue. In today`s real Pakistan virginity is largely a moot point. ONLY the tiny middle class espouses such anachronistic values. The rich don`t need them and the poor can`t afford them.

Among the rural people and among the urban poor pre and extra marital sex is far more common than one would think. Among the `virtuous` middle classes, on the other hand, extra-marital sex is at epidemic proportions as that is when the poor young women get some modicum of freedom.

What are we doing to discuss next, lota vs. toilet paper? How losing the lota habit is a Western danger we need protect our `paak` youngsters from lest they fall victim to the `paleet` method of wiping their smeared posteriors with toilet paper?

Tauba tauba, aztaghfaar!

...SR