The Relationship That Heals

First off (and Re #9 Sobia), my apologies to Chowk readers for inflicting another article on you all so soon.The first one was posted almost 6 weeks after submission and I assumed this one would take that long as well.I promise not to write anything else for at least another month :-)

Re#1 Scout ?????

Re#3 Shankar, very well said.Your reply would make a nice article itself.Thank you.

Re#4 Dionysus, I was actually trained at Baylor which is a heavily psychoanalytical program and the patient that I described in the article was actually in `insight-oriented long term therapy`(translation: psychoanalytic therapy) with me.Personally (and with apologies to anyone who has been in analysis), I think Freudian or analytic therapy is only marginally useful at best and the very structure of the therapy (i.e. 2-4 times a week for years) tends to exclude almost all people that I currently see (blue collar, poorly educated).I think more highly of Cognitive and Behavioral therapies with a more `here and now` focus.

Re #6,7,8 Thank you all.Yes, I think the focus of the article was something I believe in strongly(and is illustrated nicely in his book,`Sacred Hoops` by one of my idols, Lakers coach Phil Jackson), `listening without judgement`.We all tend to bring pre-conceived notions and prejudices to situations specially when it involves someone close to us and suspending those beliefs while lending a supportive shoulder is often the best thing we can offer.

Sobia ,see above.

BTW I`m going to Lahore on Saturday so you all will probably not be hearing from me (sigh of relief all round!) for a couple of weeks but after I get back, I`m probably going to write an unbearably sentimental piece about the home-land, so sharpen your knives everyone!

Cheers :-)

scouty..even if the sun isnt, lubna is :)
and isnt that just as good?
:P

zehra #2,

:))

What is this, `be kind to doctors` week? Two articles in less than 2 weeks! Whoa! :)

thank u...this was a wonderful article to read. yes, sometimes it is just the acceptance of our Self that is the main problem ... mostly love is so conditionally given.

Very nice ...very true ..very moving .A close friend of mine ..a year back went through a bad patch .I saw that person being literally torn apart by the people around her ..those who werent on the war path were busy telling her how everything was her fault ..and that there must be something wrong with her , otherwise why would all these people be after her (after her life in the literal sense of the word)

The few people she treasured as true friends ..were those who would just be there ...who would see things solely threw her watery eyes ..just listen ..without judging .

I would like to believe I ws one of her friends .I saw her crack and cry under the pressure .Knowing I was powerless in the situation..so off and on I would just comment ..`ya know if ur feeling down ..you can take my shoulder ..and do remember to dry clean it before u return it !:)

Shes doing good for herself now ..picking herself up ..and starting over ..far away from where I am ..the sadists and twisted mess ups she left behind want her back ..are beggin now..its kinda strange ...but by just being there ..and her knowin she wasn`t alone ..pushed her through ..

Ali!

I read yur first article too but this is the one which compelled me to interact

Very well written, you have touched upon a problem which i believe is prevalent all over the world these days

No one seems to have the time to sit down n just talk, listen, help

Everyone is caught up in their own worlds to even look beyond their nose

I guess the fact that someone is THERE to listen is comfort enough even if there isnt any help, we cant just bottle ourselves up, we have to let go sooner or later

Dear Ali,

Thanks for sharing this wonderful piece with us. Please keep on delivering hope to your patients and those all around you-it is the best a human being can do for the other, especially, for those who have lost it.

Shanker:
Very nicely put. I really mean it, dont take it as another one-liner.

Ali,

Another very nice article. I must say, seeing the state of Pakistani society today, if you`re serious about going back to Pakistan you`re certainly in the right field. :-)

I hope you don`t think I`m digressing, but what are your opnions on the efficacy of Freudian methods of treating patients?

Dear Ali,

This was one of the most beautiful articles I`ve read on Chowk. You have described the struggles that every psychiatrist goes through. Your writing style is excellent & I really think you should submit this article to a medical journal.



You are going to have a very successful career, no matter what part of the world you practice, because you posses the 2 most important ingredients that make a great psychiatrist (or any doctor)--empathy & compassion. That is more important than all the medical knowlege that we acquire. Kudos.

I dont mean to sound prejudiced, but I think these qualities seem to come naturally to us desi physicians than many of the American doctors. Thats one big reason why desi doctors are just as successful in private practice, when we compete head to head with doctors who went to the fanciest American medical schools (much to their annoyance).

When patients come to you, they dont care what color of skin you have, how many articles you have published in medical journals, what school you graduated from or whether you graduated from the top of your class. They ask simple questions like is the doctor a nice person, will the doctor care to listen to me etc etc. Your greatest source of referals will not be primary care physicians, but your own patients.

When I was a Chief Resident, I used to supervise 1st yr residents. I had one particularly arrogant American resident, who thought his s *it didnt stink because he knew psychopharmacology inside out. During supervision he presented a patient, who had dropped out of treatment & he couldnt figure out why. In the last session, the patient was disconsolate because her mother had just died. I asked the resident ``well, what did you do?``. He looked at me with an arrogant/surprised expression as if I had asked him a stupid question. He shrugged his shoulders & replied ``what did you expect me to do?!--I raised the dose of her antidepressant!!``

I dont mean to slam American doctors, a majority of them are compassionate & brilliant. Its the way that they are trained. Before I chose to become a psychiatrist, I did a year of internship in Int medicine & was very dissatisfied. During our rounds, we used to push the cart full of charts. We would stop outside every patient room & go through Mrs Smith`s chart to check what her latest labs, XRays & Ct scans showed. Mrs Smith would be an 88 yr old lady, all bent up with pain & moaning in her bed. We would then troop into her room & announce to her how much better she was doing because her CBC was coming back to normal & ct scans showed no evidence of cancer. The senior resident would announce that the serum potassium was slightly low, so the intern should poke her again to draw other blood tests. Besides, her IV needed to be changed & we had to search for another vein in her mangled emaciated arms that were covered with purple blotches from the innumerable pokes & jabs she had been subjected to.

Psychiatry is one of the few specialities that addresses the QUALITY of a human being`s life, rather than the QUANTITY. I believe that the former is more important than the latter. Americans have access the best, most advanced health care in the world. However, Americans are more upset at their health care providers than any other people in the world. Is it a surprise that Dr Kevorkian became so popular? Think about it.

PS. This is a most refreshing change from the usual Indo-Pak mudsling nonsense that Chowk is degenerating into.

ali, brave of you to writ eon chowk again :0

scout. you make me wnna pinch our cheeks
and tell you the sun`ll come out toMoRRow.

What a touching little narrative. You`re absolutely right about the importance of just listening to people and being there for them.

Reminds me of the time when one of my patients told me ``you`re so good to me. you`re gentle and you listen,`` just because I didn`t rush her through painful procedures, and I talked to her. And I`m not even a psychiatrist.

All the hard work pays off when someone says such a thing to you.