Last Kiss

Poignant. Moving. Unpretentious.

Nice!

Welcome!

rgds,

PM

P.S. how`d you manage to make it to Creative Loafing? :-)

Move along, friend, please move along . . . when you reach my age, it is the collection of multiple last kisses that you store in your memories which add up to probably the best gifts anybody ever gave you in life . . . or gifts you snatched like setting sun rays and red twilight skies . . . cheers

Dear Hussain ,

I think it is time for you to come forth and bail everyone out ! Your poem has been thrashed pretty well , i dare say with a lot of Grace .

No offence to anyone,as everyone`s interpretations are different,and rightly so!

However it would be very nice to get a feed back from you !

the vibrant interractions , have added that extra bite to the site ! :)

Thank you ,

Shirin

zara #16, ``can all of you make an effort to be friendly and kind or is it against the rule here...``

that`s no fun :)

In response to temporal (Reply # 8)
Dear Temporal:

This is an interesting exercise. I am a bit scared about your literary-critical reaction (since poetry is your passion). Anyhow, let me try.

Hussain wrote:
it`s been so long
all that time has seeped away
all that solitude
i hope you feel that way

Your comment: “The first line is obvious. The second and third together indicate that the passage of that time has diffused or done away with the loneliness. Q. 1. Whose loneliness? Q. 2. Who has company now? One or the other or both?”

My reply: The poet is writing about the “Last Kiss.” You may call it “Last Touch” . . . or something different/better. Let us assume it is a romantic kiss/touch between two souls (imaginary or real). The stanza does indeed suggest the withering away of loneliness, though there is no indication of new company. The poet is perhaps talking about the withering away of the feeling of loneliness of his/her beloved (this still does not establish that the feeling of the poet has withered away).

Your Q. 3a: What feelings the poet is writing about?

My reply: I think, it is the feeling of solitude of the poet’s beloved. But, in the second stanza the poet starts describing his/her own condition (passion to anger) and the environment (wilderness, wind).

Q3b: Has he succeeded in linking this line with the rest of the poem so far? Q3c: What is he hoping for?

My reply: If we assume that, in the first stanza, the poet was not talking about him/her, we surely can develop a link.

Hussain wrote (III stanza):
anger has turned to hurt
the heart lies broken
and the angels are crying

Q4: Why are the angels crying? (Treat this as a deceptively simple trick question.)

My reply: The poet is in fact describing his/her condition. The angels do not want to see anyone hurt and any heart broken. Hence, they are crying.

Hussain wrote (IV stanza):
hurt has turned to desire
it waits so patiently
frozen in time as life goes by

You wrote: “The passion turned into anger(stanza II) which turned into hurt (stanza III). This hurt turned into desire (stanza IV.) Q5a: What is the difference between passion and desire. Q5b: Do you agree with the stages in this transformation? Q5c: If you disagree, give reasons. Q6: Why does this desire has no choice but to wait patiently?”

My reply: Passion means emotion or ardent affection or desire for something or sexual desire or devotion to something. Desire as compared to want or wish or crave or longing stresses the strength of feeling (strong aim or intention). I have no apparent difficulty with the stages in the transformation (from passion to anger to hurt to desire). I think, in love, desire persists over a long time period (it feels as if time has stopped/contained and the feeling therefore fails to change).

Hussain wrote:
and that box has been locked
and the key swallowed
yet it steals the heat from my veins
making me so cold
i know you feel that way

You ask: “Q7: Which box is being referred here? Q8: How does the key steals or takes away the heat from his veins? Q9: How can you be certain the poet knows how the other one feels? Q10: How has this thought been communicated by the other to the poet?”

My reply: I think, it the box (of feelings) that has contained time/moment (and vice versa). The poet is talking about feelings (hence the key frozen in time). Love is a relationship, and all other things follow according to the logic of love (and feelings, passion, hurt, anger, desire, etc).

You finally ask: “And after you have gone through the above. Q11: Is this a short, simple poem?”

My reply: It depends upon how you see it. This is a short poem, which is simple in its writing style (not in the ideas, feelings, and philosophy).

Sincerely, Bilal Ahmad

hamidm #14:

brotherm:

....poetry is what else but the art of saying more with less....as in the urbane witticisms and ridicule of a certain fellow on chowk who has all but copyrighted the style...but don’t you get it now?.....I can understand not getting it then .... but if you don’t get it now stop complaining....you could score three more times...I have it from an high authority that you quoted once....think it was Ras or it could be yours truly .. when discussing orthodox and liberal Muslims .... agreed former don’t get enough of it and the latter do get it regularly...but then this digression is neither here nor there ... and why is this Hussain stalled ... thought Yazid is done....can someone page him?

hamidm #14 If poetry was a means for tax evasion, as you suggest, BB and NS would be competing for the title of poet laureate. You also pick one of my favorite pieces of poetry to illustrate your various points, but unfortunately leave out the best part:

``...A savage place ! as holy and enchanted

As e`er beneath a waning moon was haunted

By woman wailing for her demon-lover !...``

Of these lines, a famous critic (whose name I cannot recall right now) wrote that in all of English literature ``These lines are pure magic, the rest is only literature``.

Dear All

`` at chowk you are welcome to read write and think``

can all of you make an effort to be friendly and kind or is it against the rule here...

regards

zara

temporal #8 I think I know the answer to your question 4 ``Why are the angels crying?`` - They have been following too many chowk discussions. Right, professor?

temporal

.... it is bad enough having to suffer poets and fools - do we also have to suffer critics graciously ?

..... at the risk of showing my ignorance, i must admit that i never quite saw the point of poetry.... was poetry invented because of a shortage of paper and ink?.... or was it a devious way to get around a tax on words and complete sentences ? ....or was it invented to torture future generations of hapless students made to look like fools by cranky welsh spinsters?...what does a poet hope to accomplish by leaving a lot of white space ? is the reader supposed to fill it in ? ..... and talk about poetic license - is it a license to torture plain old rational folks and publishers and english -101 students who are struggling with calc-1 ..... as a child i was made to memorize the following gibberish - i didn`t get it then and i don`t get it now :

In Xanadu did Kubla Khan

A stately pleasure dome decree:

Where Alph, the sacred river, ran

Through caverns measureless to man

Down to a sunless sea.

So twice five miles of fertile ground

With walls and towers were girdled round:

And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills,

Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree;

And here were forests ancient as the hills

Enfolding ...enfolding ... enfolding

........ some nights i still wake up in a cold sweat, racking my brain for what the heck was enfolding ... enfolding .... that`s it !

... enfolding sunny spots of greenery

phew ! what a relief ... and still trembling from the ordeal i try to go back to sleep...... ! i still don`t know what a sinuous rill is and don`t care what ails christabel`s mastiff !

uMmmmMMmMm...find it pretty ordinary...no offence though:)

temporal # 8: I will definitely get an ``F`` from you if I had to answer your tough questions. Here is something just for fun: a telephone conversation.

(M)

Tamam um`r tera intezar hum ne kiya

is intezar maiN kiss kiss se pyar hum ne kiya

I hope you fell that way

(F)

Tum se bichharh ke hum bhi muqaddar ke ho gaye

phir jo bhi der mila hey usi der ke ho gaye

I hope you feel that way

(M,F)

Mujh se pehli se mohabbat mere....

Likewise!!!!!!!!

Next time Mr.Burhani gets the urge to write and then the itch to publish it,he should get his true worth tested by doing the following:

1)Use a moniker such as Allah Rakha.

2)claim that he went to the Kharadar madressa.

3)sprinkle it with words & phrases which show his passion,desire,hurt & anger about muslims & Islam.

4)Avoid any semblence of being westernised.

It might be an eye-opening experience for him and his KGS schooling might bring some realities home.

He might think of planting his last kiss on `Literature` and start writing essays & articles instead.

i have always loved poems in CHOWK but your lines are touching and deep.i hope we`ll get to read more stuff like this from you.

p.s i am planning to go to Emory too.

ahmadb #1:

You wrote “A short, simple, and penetrating poem that even a person like me could appreciate. Well done!”

Since it is evident from your replies on your boards that you read every interact and pay special attention to the words, I would ask you some questions. And since you are not only a gentleman but a scholar also, I hope you’d ignore this questioning mode.

The poet writes:

I
it`s been so long
all that time has seeped away
all that solitude
i hope you feel that way

The first line is obvious. The second and third together indicate that the passage of that time has diffused or done away with the loneliness.

Q1: Whose loneliness?

Moving on, loneliness can be replaced by company. If loneliness has withered away, than whoever was lonely has company now. Since there are wistful, alluring references later on, let us assume that the poet is writing about two people. (We will ignore for now whether they were lovers, parent and child or two friends.)

Q2: Who has company now? One or the other or both?

Q3a: What feelings the poet is writing about?
Q3b: Has he succeeded in linking this line with the rest of the poem so far?
Q3c: What is he hoping for?

III
anger has turned to hurt
the heart lies broken
and the angels are crying

Q4: Why are the angels crying? (Treat this as a deceptively simple trick question.)

IV
hurt has turned to desire
it waits so patiently
frozen in time as life goes by

The passion turned into anger(stanza II) which turned into hurt (stanza III). This hurt turned into desire (stanza IV.)

Q5a: What is the difference between passion and desire.
Q5b: Do you agree with the stages in this transformation?
Q5c: If you disagree, give reasons.

Q6: Why does this desire has no choice but to wait patiently?


V
and that box has been locked
and the key swallowed
yet it steals the heat from my veins
making me so cold
i know you feel that way


Q7: Which box is being referred here?

Q8: How does the key steals or takes away the heat from his veins?

Q9: How can you be certain the poet knows how the other one feels?

Q10: How has this thought been communicated by the other to the poet?

And after you have gone through the above.

Q11: Is this a short, simple poem?

regards,

temporal

PS: Hussain, welcome to Chowk. Please keep writing.

Hussain:

A very warm welcome to Chowk. Loved the ebb and flow. Please contribute more.

later

-sac